SoMeta Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I've been trying to figure this out since I learned it was a thing, but I cannot wrap my brain around it. Every definition I've ever found more or less defines romantic attraction as the desire to form a romantic relationship, but then I have to ask "what is a romantic relationship?" (that is, a romantic relationship independent from a sexual relationship.) I have never been in love with anyone, so I can't say I know the feeling, but from what I can gather romantic attraction involves a degree of emotional attachment that sexual attraction does not, but that may be wrong. Perhaps the better question would be "what is romance?" Anyway, can any explain this to me? Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Welcome to AVEN. Romantic attraction is an emotional response most people feel when they desire a romantic relationship with someone. It is a non-sexual relationship that is based on love and wanting that person to be yours and you to belong to them. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 "what is a romantic relationship?" (that is, a romantic relationship independent from a sexual relationship.) Romantic attraction is a sexless romance; its no different than what would happen in a sexual relationship, just minus the sexual aspect. There are threads on this topic but they always end up getting "that's platonically/queerplatonicly applicable" replies. So it's left to emotions and you know how well those are put into words/aren't. The best i can put it emotion wise is a fixation on someone because of a "soft spot." Link to post Share on other sites
rdos Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 I think a better definition is that romantic attraction and/or relationships is the emotional part of a relationship / attraction excluding the sexual part. People that have typical relationships then have both a romantic relationship and a sexual relationship / attraction. Then some people could have purely sexual relationships with no romantic feelings or intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Moved to the Romantic and Aromantic Orientations forum. Bipolar Bear Asexual Q&A Mod Link to post Share on other sites
Tazoz Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Romantic attraction is a focusing of romantic desire towards a specific person. It allows a person to satisfy their romantic drive or needs through a relationship with a single person. Here's a more in-depth explanation of romantic drive: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/114635-explaining-the-concept-of-a-romantic-drive/ Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 27, 2015 Share Posted February 27, 2015 Romantic attraction is a sexless romance; its no different than what would happen in a sexual relationship, just minus the sexual aspect. No, it doesn't need to be sexless at all. Most relationships are based on both romantic attraction and sexual attraction. For most people, romantic attraction isn't sexless at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Bit Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Romantic attraction is a sexless romance; its no different than what would happen in a sexual relationship, just minus the sexual aspect. No, it doesn't need to be sexless at all. Most relationships are based on both romantic attraction and sexual attraction. For most people, romantic attraction isn't sexless at all. heh, yes, but i meant it strictly in reference to "what is a romantic relationship independent from a sexual relationship." So out of context it is inaccurate, in context it is accurate. Link to post Share on other sites
Princess of Ruin Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I cannot understand it either. In my mind romance seems more like a dating/mating tool. If you have spent years with someone it is normal to care about them and love them, however how can one "fall in love" with someone they barely know ? Isn't it more about lust and sex and less about "love" ? Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Not necessarily lust and sex, as somebody can "fall in love" purely romantically for a complete stranger. But I agree with you in that I wouldn't call such feelings "love", as intense and obsessive as they can be. I would say it's pure attraction, that the person often confuses with love. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 It's like a crush, infatuation or limerence. Like someone you could marry and have kids with or what it's like in Disney/romance movies. It's different from platonic feelings where you just want to hang out with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
****** Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I don't think I really understand romance either, I would consider myself biromantic because I have developed strog feelings for several people similar to limerance or crushes, and have had feelings for a few people that most would consider "in love", however intuitively these feelings were friendship to me. For that reason I'm convinced that I am aromatic. Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I think it is caring very deeply for someone and wanting to be with them without necessarily demanding sex. Sex may or may not be part of the deal. I think the relationship between the Doctor and his companions is a good example of a romantic relationship independent of sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Malony Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I just noticed, that I don't actually know what romance is. I don't really see any romance between the Doctor and his companions. i would call it a deeper friendship/companionship. Is that what romance is? Link to post Share on other sites
dashcom Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 From what I've seen/heard of the doctor (6th and 9th), I think that "deeper friendship" fits very well. However, their relationships never struck me as romantic. Maybe it was just the fact that it wasn't very physical, which - for me - is included in a romantic relationship (cuddling, kissing, etc.). Of course I cannot speak for anyone else, but in terms of what I feel, romance is a type of bond that goes well beyond friendship. In my particular case, romance denotes a strong sense of mutual understanding and exclusiveness (in the sense of monogamy [not trying to irritate any polys, I just don't work that way]), as well as the desire to please the other person and to keep them happy. There are also feelings of devastation when the other person is angry at you and the powerful wish to alleviate the situation, much more so than if it was a fight between "just friends". As far as the connection to sexual relationships are concerned: I don't think that romantic relationships, as I define the term, have to include sex, though sexual attraction often goes along with romantic attraction for me. I do not label myself a demisexual because I can be sexually attracted to random people, but when I form an emotional bond with someone that definitely increases their potential sexual attractiveness and vice-versa: I tend to find people less hot when I harbor very negative feelings for them, to the point where they can lose all of their sex appeal. Again, this is my personal view on the matter. It may not be applicable to others, but maybe it's something you can work with. Link to post Share on other sites
Zorc Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I think it's basically a severe degree of emotional attachment.... Say normal friendship and familial love is at about 40 degrees and best friendship and strong familial love are at about 50 degrees, romantic love would perhaps be 60 degrees or more. The main difference would most likely be seen in the level of functionality and behaviour that someone would exhibit if the other person left them in any form. In someone capable of feeling romantic love, the loss of romantic love would most likely provoke the most extreme behaviour and lowest functionality. For example, my Mother grieved for the loss of her last serious relationship for longer than she did the loss of her Grandmother's life... Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 It depends, because for some people, platonic feelings can be just as strong as romance, if not stronger. For me, both can be potentially just as strong, it really depends on the individual. My love for my last partner (romantic) is undeniably the strongest I've ever felt, but if he were, let's say a woman for example, so not physically attractive for me as I'm heteroromantic, I would have loved him (oops, her) just as much but as a best friend. My best friend could very well be more important for me (and more of a true partner then) than my boyfriend. Attraction often gives the illusion that feelings are very deep, but they can be both quite intense and quite shallow in the same time. "Hormonal" love shown in a lot of teenage relationships fades as quickly as snow melts under the sun. It's intense, but shallow even if it can sometimes last long, because it's pure and intense romantic attraction, but with no real love. Link to post Share on other sites
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