KittiesSong Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Uggg I don't know... I'm lonely and want some company even if it doesn't go anywhere. I'm half tempted to join a free dating site just so I can talk to people and maybe meet up with someone for dinner or something. Anyone got any advice?? Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 I do the dating sites. More to talk with people than actually date. I haven't had a single date from any of the sites that I am now. To be honest, I seriously doubt that I ever will. I guess that is not really advice. Link to post Share on other sites
KittiesSong Posted February 16, 2015 Author Share Posted February 16, 2015 Heh it's ok. I'm not really expecting anything out of the dating sites. But I'm thinking of maybe joining OKcupid. I think that's one site I've never tried before? I can't remember to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaHoward Posted February 16, 2015 Share Posted February 16, 2015 Advice? Don't talk to strangers :p But seriously do it if you like it,and if you don't simply quit. Best of luck! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted February 17, 2015 Share Posted February 17, 2015 I wouldn't date as a way to deal with loneliness. I highly recommend this article: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/dating-when-youre-lonely-or-feel-time-is-running-out/ I also highly recommend this article: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/100-tips-for-successful-dating-relationships/ (some excerpts from the latter article) 50. Get your head in order before you date because we end up in relationships with people that reflect what we believe, so it’s best to make your beliefs and attitude positive. Don’t date if you feel cynical, jaded, or bored with dating because it will manifest itself in your behaviour and choices. You will be biased to look for evidence that supports your mindset. Check out The Get Out Of Stuck 21-Day email series. 81. Don’t hang around with people who have negative attitudes towards dating, especially if they affect your mindset and cloud your judgement. This is both your single and attached friends. It’s good to spend time around positive people who support you as opposed to negative people who suck the fun out of things, undermine your choices, trigger you questioning yourself, or portray you and your life as doom and gloom. It’s very patronising when attached people make out as if you’re something to be pitied and just as much of a headwreck when single and disillusioned friends try to sh*t on your efforts. Their experience is not your experience plus your story isn’t written yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Uggg I don't know... I'm lonely and want some company even if it doesn't go anywhere. I'm half tempted to join a free dating site just so I can talk to people and maybe meet up with someone for dinner or something. Anyone got any advice?? I completely disagree with Pink in that I find casual dating to be super fun. You will meet soooo many weirdos. I hope you're a person who enjoys collecting stories, but dating is a great way to get tons of stories. I personally love it. My piece of advice: Don't start dating until you're sure you can break someone's heart. I know it sounds tough, but good lord don't end up in a relationship for the rest of your life because you were to chicken to say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Uggg I don't know... I'm lonely and want some company even if it doesn't go anywhere. I'm half tempted to join a free dating site just so I can talk to people and maybe meet up with someone for dinner or something. Anyone got any advice?? I completely disagree with Pink in that I find casual dating to be super fun. You will meet soooo many weirdos. I hope you're a person who enjoys collecting stories, but dating is a great way to get tons of stories. I personally love it. My piece of advice: Don't start dating until you're sure you can break someone's heart. I know it sounds tough, but good lord don't end up in a relationship for the rest of your life because you were to chicken to say goodbye. Because you mentioned this (and I think you're pretty rad so I trust your opinion), how would one go about casually dating? I've never been able to draw hardly any interest online, to say nothing of real life, so it feels like any chance I do get has to be made the most of. Link to post Share on other sites
KittiesSong Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 Heh I've already got a few broken hearts behind me. I don't like it but I don't get too attached to begin with at first and I'm usually the one who puts on the brakes first I've even been proposed to.... yes that happened... he knew me for a month. Link to post Share on other sites
Perseus Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I need to get out there and date. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Uggg I don't know... I'm lonely and want some company even if it doesn't go anywhere. I'm half tempted to join a free dating site just so I can talk to people and maybe meet up with someone for dinner or something. Anyone got any advice?? I completely disagree with Pink in that I find casual dating to be super fun. You will meet soooo many weirdos. I hope you're a person who enjoys collecting stories, but dating is a great way to get tons of stories. I personally love it. My piece of advice: Don't start dating until you're sure you can break someone's heart. I know it sounds tough, but good lord don't end up in a relationship for the rest of your life because you were to chicken to say goodbye. Because you mentioned this (and I think you're pretty rad so I trust your opinion), how would one go about casually dating? I've never been able to draw hardly any interest online, to say nothing of real life, so it feels like any chance I do get has to be made the most of. Craigslist and OK Cupid. When I first moved to Portland I adopted a "go out with anyone who asks" policy. It was fun! Then it wasn't and I stopped, but ya know. But no, I've only been asked out IRL a few times since being about 22ish. Didn't take me long to age out of being hot, it seems, so online was the way to go :) Link to post Share on other sites
My alias Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Heh I've already got a few broken hearts behind me. I don't like it but I don't get too attached to begin with at first and I'm usually the one who puts on the brakes first I've even been proposed to.... yes that happened... he knew me for a month. How scandalous! and a little sad to be honest what was he thinking :( Link to post Share on other sites
Kitty Spoon Train Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I agree with Skullery... But it's all about attitude. I was on OkCupid a couple of years ago and treating it too seriously, which caused the experience to be quite sucky and frustrating. But now, I've put all my cards on the table with a very candid profile (including my grey-asexuality, my polyamorous / relationship anarchist ways, and all my other quirks). And I've basically got a policy of casually meeting up with anyone who suggests to meet, as long as they seem reasonably sane. And this attitude seems to attract people who want to meet fairly quickly and just see what happens. It's a lot of fun, despite mostly being "unsuccessful" in terms of actually "finding someone". And a big part of what makes it fun is that you realise you're not actually as alone and as weird as you think. The world is full of weirdos who are lonely in their own different ways, and there's really no fixed recipe for love and connection at all. And somehow, being exposed to this in real life, and collecting life stories about it is actually strangely liberating and fun. I used to have a lot more "lonely" moments when I was sitting at home brooding over finding some narrowly-defined relationship which will be just right for me, and not finding it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 The world is full of weirdos who are lonely in their own different ways, and there's really no fixed recipe for love and connection at all. And somehow, being exposed to this in real life, and collecting life stories about it is actually strangely liberating and fun. I used to have a lot more "lonely" moments when I was sitting at home brooding over finding some narrowly-defined relationship which will be just right for me, and not finding it. That's it exactly, yes. The experience actually gave me more faith in humanity, despite not finding a "match", because it became very clear that the world is full of people with so many different interests and knowledge and desires who are genuinely out there doing their best, trying to be the very best thems they can be... it's weirdly beautiful. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Don't start dating until you're sure you can break someone's heart. I know it sounds tough, but good lord don't end up in a relationship for the rest of your life because you were to chicken to say goodbye. I guess that settles it then. *gets ready to close the "dating and relationships" chapter of my life, for good* There's been enough heartbreak for one lifetime, I don't want to be ready to add more to it. Some people truly are better off alone, I guess... and I'm one of them, six-ish mostly happy years with R. notwithstanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I agree with frigid pink because of my personal experience. I don't think dating is the answer. Loneliness is not about being alone. The loneliest moments of my life were the times I was surrounded by people and I had a partner. It's an internal issue. But I guess we all deal with loneliness in our own way. I'm not one for any type of casual encounters. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 I agree with Skullery... But it's all about attitude. I was on OkCupid a couple of years ago and treating it too seriously, which caused the experience to be quite sucky and frustrating. But now, I've put all my cards on the table with a very candid profile (including my grey-asexuality, my polyamorous / relationship anarchist ways, and all my other quirks). And I've basically got a policy of casually meeting up with anyone who suggests to meet, as long as they seem reasonably sane. And this attitude seems to attract people who want to meet fairly quickly and just see what happens. It's a lot of fun, despite mostly being "unsuccessful" in terms of actually "finding someone". And a big part of what makes it fun is that you realise you're not actually as alone and as weird as you think. The world is full of weirdos who are lonely in their own different ways, and there's really no fixed recipe for love and connection at all. And somehow, being exposed to this in real life, and collecting life stories about it is actually strangely liberating and fun. I used to have a lot more "lonely" moments when I was sitting at home brooding over finding some narrowly-defined relationship which will be just right for me, and not finding it. I guess I must live in a lame area or something. I've done super candid, totally relaxed profiles online and only send cheeky, fun, quick messages. I don't get many responses at all, and most of those die after that. I have to send messages though, because I don't receive any. Now that okcupid lets you specify asexual (which I've done) I'm sure it'll get even harder. People have not responded to it well in my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
I'd rather be in band. Posted February 18, 2015 Share Posted February 18, 2015 Do whatever will make you happy! Just be wary of who you meet on there, though; it might end up getting you into trouble. Just be cautious, and I'm sure you'll be fine! Link to post Share on other sites
KittiesSong Posted February 18, 2015 Author Share Posted February 18, 2015 I'm honestly just curious as to the types of people I can meet. There's a reason I put the word dating in quotation marks hehe. If I were to be totally honest with myself I am lonely and I know exactly why I'm lonely... my best friend and "other half" (we are very very close) is in another state and I miss having someone to talk to face to face and go out for take out and stuff. I joined OKcupid and I've already been chatting with a nice girl who doesn't live too far from me. I'm quite frankly doing it more for the social connections and friendships. I swore off actual dating and finding "the one" eons ago. As for the guy who proposed... lets just say he was convinced I was the one before even getting to know me as a person! Now that right there is just weird... Link to post Share on other sites
ayuki Posted March 11, 2015 Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm honestly just curious as to the types of people I can meet. There's a reason I put the word dating in quotation marks hehe. If I were to be totally honest with myself I am lonely and I know exactly why I'm lonely... my best friend and "other half" (we are very very close) is in another state and I miss having someone to talk to face to face and go out for take out and stuff. I joined OKcupid and I've already been chatting with a nice girl who doesn't live too far from me. I'm quite frankly doing it more for the social connections and friendships. I swore off actual dating and finding "the one" eons ago. As for the guy who proposed... lets just say he was convinced I was the one before even getting to know me as a person! Now that right there is just weird... I'm also on OKC currently, looking for new friends mostly (maaaybe more) and my advice would just be to use the space they give you to be honest and up-front about what you are looking for or at least what you aren't hoping to find. There are actually quite a lot of a-spectrum folks on OKC. For instance, I mention that honestly, I dunno if I am interested in something romantic so that at least people know before they send me a message. I also mention ace stuff on there so that people know I am not 100% open to somebody trying to bone me, basically, lol. Meetup of course is another good site to find people just to hang out with and enjoy shared activities. Groups mean that maybe at least one of those people may click with you enough to form a friendship or something else. Hope it all goes well! Link to post Share on other sites
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