Sex without attraction...

[QueenOfGrayRoses]

Hello,

I must be an odd one, idea of sex is something attractive, but I'm not sexually attracted to anyone (except one exception, really), like the activity itself but not for person.

Anyway, I was just looking around forums including the sexual, friends & allies one. And read about their struggles..

So, those who are interested in sex, but not attracted to anyone, do you enjoy it anyway?

Suddenly, I'm afraid that even though I think I have quite high libido, if I end up being with someone sexual without being sexually attracted to them, I would end up unhappy since... I don't know.

I'm NOT demi-sexual, my longterm crushes have emotional bonds with me, but I still never ended up wanting them in any way... this one exception was one exception that I was drawn to 2 days before we first talked & I'm still drawn to after 3 years. [We are obviously not a couple, otherwise it would be different...] and I hoped for Domino effect, but it never happened & since... I had a crush on another, but no sexual desires either...

Thank you for your response in advance.

[Wyrmcraft]

There are totally Aces who like and enjoy sex despite not feeling any sexual attraction.

I am not one of them, but I have seen them post around. You are not alone ^_^

[Rimethurs]

I've had plenty of sex with people I wasn't attracted to that I enjoyed a great deal and that I initiated. (Although I don't know if I count as asexual.) Some of those relationship were happy until they feel apart for other reasons. I liked most of them as people. I just wasn't sexually attracted to them. I don't think. I'm also definitely not demi-sexual.

[Xavy]

So I have had sex (though not a lot of it) and I have never been sexually attracted to anyone so I guess u could say I have had sex with people I wasnt sexually attracted to. the result of doing this was never particularly good for either party.

[dissolved]

I don't think it's odd. I've slept with people I didn't find attractive (although was in relationships with them) and on occasion I initiated. The actual act itself is enjoyable for the most part (although I have had really really bad sex sometimes) but for me it didn't feel like a big deal, wondering what the fuss was about or like I was missing something. I didn't ever regret it though, just felt pretty hollow I s'pose, until I was with someone that I actually found attractive in all possible ways and suddenly something clicked. But it's not for everybody, clearly. Relationships can work without attraction, just not for me ^_^

[Member7783]

I wasn't sexually attracted to either of my ex-wives and still managed to be able to have sex with them. It was always them that had to initiate and get me "talked into it", but I could usually manage to perform the act, even though it was devoid of emotion and was rather...prefunctory in execution.

Aside from the two marriages, I've had a fair few girlfriends over the last 20 years, and I wasn't sexually attracted to them either. I liked them as people and could appreciate their aesthetic qualities, but they didn't arouse any sexual desire or drive, and for about 75% of them (according to what they told me), my unwillingness to have sex with them regularly (4 or 5 times a week in most cases...ugh!) was a major reason they weren't willing to continue the relationship, and had they known I was one of "those guys who looks all sexy but secretly hates sex because he's f*cked in the head", they would never have dated me. Yeah, not something that does a person's confidence any favors, LOL.

Even recognizing myself as I am, I secretly wish there was someone out there I could be attracted to. I meet people all the time though, and it's never happened and likely never will. I hate saying "never" though because it seems when I say "never", an exception to the rule eventually comes along to throw my world view into chaos.