Dendrocopus Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 I know it's probably been asked a thousand times before, but for the sake of a newbie - could anyone shed some light? Squish 1. In the asexual community, the equivalent of a “crush”, but explicitly lacking an interest in forming a romantic couple or having a sexual relationship with the person in question. It does not matter if they are “in a relationship”, as long as you two can have a deep connection. A squish is an intense feeling of attraction, liking, appreciation, admiration for a person you urgently want to get to know better and become close with. It is different from “just wanting to be friends” in that there is an intensity about it and a disproportionate sense of elation when they like and appreciate you back. (via Urban Dictionary) Struggling to figure out the exact difference here between a squish and a crush. Is a squish is someone who you want to be great friends on a deep and understanding level (?) and an asexual crush (on someone) would mean that you wanted to be more than friends and to be affectionate? Can you still have a squish on someone if you’re already good friends? Is it just one or the other? Both would be a sqush. (also posted on my tumblr) Link to post Share on other sites
brbdogsonfire Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 I honestly dislike the term squish. Many people on this site advocate being accepted by society for being asexual and or aromantic. By creating terms that are just ingroup replacements for another word another boundary is setup to widen the divide. As its been explained it is a crush without romantic feelings so aromantics have squishes. Obviously based in their orientation that's the case so why make a word for it. If we are going to split hairs we need a new word for love between two aces since its not sexual. Then might as well not use romantic for mixed relationships their explanation as that might make some people think their are sexual overtones. All I mean is making terms for minor information serves to alienate not integrate. Link to post Share on other sites
Beyourownspotlight Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Hiya! I can only speak for myself, but I have both, a squish, and a crush on the same person. I know some people would argue that doesn't work, but to me it does. It's a bit difficult for me to explain, but I could try? I had my squish on them first. And I desperately wanted to be friends/close with them, and at the time I didn't realise it was a squish, I think this was my first real squish after I knew the term existed. But I just wanted to be his friend, and it was a weird, overpowering feeling and I didn't quite understand it at first. We started speaking online, and I really, really enjoyed talking to him, and my squish got stronger, and I started crushing on him too. And now I'm just a mess of squish, and crush and the whole 'I so want him to not think I'm a loser' mentality. I suppose, friendship is the one I'd want the most. Because, I'm selfish and want to continue to spend time with, and speak with him, and get to know him. So I don't know if that means my squish is bigger than my crush? But both are so intense, and I really didn't expect either. I get super flustered and it must be really weird/awkward for him/other people to witness haha. I also have a bit of a squish on another AVENite. Because we like a lot of the same things. Link to post Share on other sites
Lenika Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 I honestly am confused now. I'm asexual, and that is the extent of my knowledge. Is a squish is someone who you want to be great friends on a deep and understanding level (?) and an asexual crush (on someone) would mean that you wanted to be more than friends and to be affectionate?This is how I always thought it was. I think... I'm not sure... I have no clue... Link to post Share on other sites
drjohnhwatson Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 I get so confused by the terms, haha. I just generally for myself go with crush if it's a crush and I don't really say squish because it just feels like a strong want for friendship. I DON'T KNOW. Terms generally begin to confuse me the more they define and whatnot. . Link to post Share on other sites
WünderBâhr Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 Moved to the Romantic and Aromantic Orientatations forum. Bipolar Bear Asexual Q&A Mod Link to post Share on other sites
Bristol Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 I've always foud this drawing very useful for explaining things (source: http://secondlina.deviantart.com/art/Sketchcomic-types-of-Attraction-298804729). But it's giving six different names to things that can have a lot of overlap - there are definitely feelings that are crushes, and feelings that are definitely squishes, but there's also a lot in between, just like there's a "gray" area between sexual and asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Valja Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 For me a squish means I appreciate someone and I like the personality the person has and just want to be friends, nothing more :), a pure feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted December 18, 2014 Share Posted December 18, 2014 I think everyone has their own idea of what a squish or a crush is. Personally, I can only squish on people who are already close friends. A squish to me is more of an admiration, someone I look up to, care for and want to be super close friends with them. I don't have romantic crushes. Link to post Share on other sites
pyroshadow Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I think of a squish as the before to a crush, like, to me I am squishing on a bar tender, I find him aesthetically attractive and from brief words I'd really like to get to know him more as he seems awesome and adorable and from there if I was to become friends with him, or even just get to know him more it could become a crush if I start to get actual "i'd like to date" feelings. I feel you can squish on a friend, but only if they are not a close friend, as a squish is wanting to know someone more/better to become close to like a best friend or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Inkbright Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 No, squishes are aromantic crushes . . . romantic asexuals can have crushes just like sexuals can (except without sexual attraction :) ). I think a lot of posters have already explained what a squish is/feels like . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Satin Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I agree everybody probably has their own idea what a squish is. Here's how I see them: I like to think of a squish as a friendship you would like to invest in, as in: you actively try to improve it rather than somehow wait for it to naturally grow. I also like to think that because two people can be friends for so many reasons as well as in varying intensity, that squishes can be very strong but also rather mild. A crush to me seems to be more or less the same regardless of who has them - intense feelings, a longing for the other person, butterflies and not being able to put them out of your mind. So I don't like to call a squish the "aromantic equivalent of a crush" - because I don't think the feelings have to be this intense. In the end, I think of a squish as a desire to improve a friendship. The term is not terribly useful to me anymore (cos you just wanna be better friends, not even necessarily super best friends) but it helped me initially to understand that investing in a relationship doesn't require romantic feelings, as I used to think. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Hmm, it's hard to find a wording for how I define a squish, I'd say it's a desire to be mentally close with the object for most of the time. Am I way off? ('Mentally close' means that both partners feel the presence and importance of the other partner in their lives; that is to distinguish from physical proximity, when one of them can be dreaming about someone else.) Link to post Share on other sites
Beyourownspotlight Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 does anyone else sort of get 'friendship jealousy' (that horrible feeling/thought when you see your squish being closer platonically to someone else) or 'friendship anxiety/doubting' (why would THEY want to be friends with ME?!)? Link to post Share on other sites
Sage Raven Domino Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Yeah, totally :D Link to post Share on other sites
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