Asexuality is denied ? Not surprising...

[kulosle]

Words only have as much meaning as you give them. Labels are there to shorten the amount of time it takes to describe something. I say ketchup instead of the condiment made ou t of tomatoes. The asexual labels are new so they dont do it as well yet but its a process. Im glad the term grey asexual exists. Otherwise id stil be feeling like a freak. If a word or label no longer rings true for you or its meaning changes for you the by all means stop using it. What ever makes you feel the most confortable. I would rather not devolve into infighting. We have enough problems. These labels are helpful to people and they will stay in use for as long as they are. I like to dream of a world where we dont need sexuality labels, and its just assumed that everyone has a unique sexuality. Labels wont be used and people will just let everyone like who they like. But thats a far way off.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

First, I don't believe in "purity" (what kind of purity are you talking about? if you're talking about asexuality you seem to have an idea of what a 'pure' asexual should be) and I'm not prude at all. (you do, on the other hand, seem to be anti-sexual, which could be mistaken for prudishness)

Second, masturbation doesn't conflict with asexuality, because it doesn't involve another person. (then why were you complaining about asexuals who masturbate to porn content earlier?)

Third, I know we are not here to talk about politic, but sexuality is not only about practices; it has a social dimension too, and a great influence on each culture and society, and thus, individuals. That IS interesting. (Good. Then why don't you go there rather than torturing yourself with 'uninteresting' threads and then complaining that you don't like them) People who talk about blowjobs and co are disgusting. (So... not just anti-sex, but anti-sexual too! Again, why don't you leave the threads where they talk about that alone)

Saying people can't be asexual because they enjoy sex is equivalent to saying people who enjoy cake are sexually attracted to cake. ( for a cool comparison!)

Silliest comparison ever. (Well it's a bit hard to compare sex with anything that isn't...sex. Hunger and food are commonly used because sexuals often compare sexual attraction to eyeing up a good piece of cake, sexual desire to being hungry)

Sex isn't involved everywhere, for everything. (Well, neither is food!) Sure, sexual attraction is based on visual, but it is more or less the same thing with food. (So... you DO think it's a good comparison then? If you're willing to use it yourself?) People are often attracted by eye pleasing food, and if they actually like it, they have more chance to eat it again, because they [know they(?)] are attracted to that specific food. (Yes)

If you want a sexual connection with someone else, you are definitely attracted to him/her, because your physical pleasure is directly linked with your attraction (What type of attraction are you talking about?), just like sexual people. (You're assuming that people who want to give a blowjob to their partner want a sexual connection with them. What if they're romantically attracted to them, and love to make them happy?)

Sorry legendary pokemon, you have to return to your pokeball. (Ahh the final patronising tap of the nose)

Took offence, felt like riffing.

I'd probably be considered 'asexual' by your standards manly, I'm asexual, aromantic, sex-repulsed (though not sexual-repulsed), completely non-libidoist, and have a slight anti-sex streak (that I'm trying furiously to rub out). I don't agree with 90% of your post.

Final question, what is an 'extreme asexual'?

[Hobbes!]

I believe it is someone who is asexual TO THE MAX (!!!)

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Evidently!

[MetroCard]

Seems to me there is a dissonance between what you think asexuality should be and what it actually is. Asexuality is not one thing, it is a spectrum. Also sexual attraction and sex drive are two different things. Just because they tolerate or even enjoy sex does not mean they experience sexual attraction.

And to be honest, I really don't care who you think is an asexual or not, so long as you don't go around telling people what you think they are. It's not like there is much of anything definitive on asexuality anyway, most of us here are just trying to figure ourselves out. What you think is yoyr thing and that's fine, juat don't tell anyone else what they are supposed to think

I'm sorry if you think there are not enough non-libidoists around for you, but this is what the demographics are.

That doesn't make any sense. Then you don't even need to be on this site. You don't need help with anything?

[RoL34]

Seems to me there is a dissonance between what you think asexuality should be and what it actually is. Asexuality is not one thing, it is a spectrum. Also sexual attraction and sex drive are two different things. Just because they tolerate or even enjoy sex does not mean they experience sexual attraction.

And to be honest, I really don't care who you think is an asexual or not, so long as you don't go around telling people what you think they are. It's not like there is much of anything definitive on asexuality anyway, most of us here are just trying to figure ourselves out. What you think is yoyr thing and that's fine, juat don't tell anyone else what they are supposed to think

I'm sorry if you think there are not enough non-libidoists around for you, but this is what the demographics are.

That doesn't make any sense. Then you don't even need to be on this site. You don't need help with anything?

because sexual drive =/= sexual attraction. Asexuality refers to people who do not experience sexual attraction. There are people on here who do get turned on, but it is not directed at anyone. There are also people here who can enjoy sex but don't have the drive to initiate. Guess what? They're still ace.

And if you're going to police who qualifies to be here then you should at least employ proper grammar.

[Amoeba-Proteus]

May I suggest a thread lock since this is dissolving into petty argument.

I thought the same thing.

Waiting for this to turn into something...

[eskazula]

I just have to admit that I don't get asexuals (not grey-a's or demis) who like sex, seek out sexual partners, and ask them to have sex.

Isn't that some degree of sexual attraction, if you seek somebody out to have sex with?

I just really don't get how that can still be asexuality.

[WorldHero]

Sorry but as an asexual person myself, it is not surprising at all if "sexual" (or allosexual, no matter) people don't believe in or don't want to recognize asexuality.

When I read some topics, I wonder if I really am on an asexual website:

"Yeah I am asexual, despite the fact I love doing blowjobs / masturbating with porn content / sleeping with people..remember asexuality is all about sexual attraction huh !"

I don't think I'm an extremist or an elitist because I perfectly understand non-repulsed asexuals or even asexuals who sleep with their partner in order to keep a relationship, as I said in a previous topic. But sorry, please accept that it is really hard for me to share the same word and identity with so many "sexual asexuals".

Maybe sexuality is a spectrum and not rigid boxes, but even myself seriously begin to doubt the existence of numerous asexuals.

From what I see, AVEN is not an asexual website. People here talk about sexual encounters and experiences just like LGBT and queer ones.

The "LGBT-like" flag, the will to fall and fit into a queer spectrum, the victimhood identity...everything here reminds me that asexuality is not only hard to recognize, but very difficult to see a real community too.

Yes...we are all supposed to have no sexual attraction, and so what ? Is that all ? This website IS obviously sexual, even very sexual.

I don't expect kind comments, I just want to be honest with you, because I'm very troubled.

Enjoying sex or sexual activities doesn't mean you're sexually attracted to the person?

I'm asexual biromantic. From what I've learned, that means I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, but I can be emotionally attracted to people. I've had sex before, I enjoyed it, and I still enjoy it as an asexual. So yes, I can still enjoy sex with someone, even though I'm asexual, because I'm still in love with the person. Just not sexually.

In other words, I believe you can enjoy the activity without being attracted to the person in that way.

[eskazula]

Sorry but as an asexual person myself, it is not surprising at all if "sexual" (or allosexual, no matter) people don't believe in or don't want to recognize asexuality.

When I read some topics, I wonder if I really am on an asexual website:

"Yeah I am asexual, despite the fact I love doing blowjobs / masturbating with porn content / sleeping with people..remember asexuality is all about sexual attraction huh !"

I don't think I'm an extremist or an elitist because I perfectly understand non-repulsed asexuals or even asexuals who sleep with their partner in order to keep a relationship, as I said in a previous topic. But sorry, please accept that it is really hard for me to share the same word and identity with so many "sexual asexuals".

Maybe sexuality is a spectrum and not rigid boxes, but even myself seriously begin to doubt the existence of numerous asexuals.

From what I see, AVEN is not an asexual website. People here talk about sexual encounters and experiences just like LGBT and queer ones.

The "LGBT-like" flag, the will to fall and fit into a queer spectrum, the victimhood identity...everything here reminds me that asexuality is not only hard to recognize, but very difficult to see a real community too.

Yes...we are all supposed to have no sexual attraction, and so what ? Is that all ? This website IS obviously sexual, even very sexual.

I don't expect kind comments, I just want to be honest with you, because I'm very troubled.

Enjoying sex or sexual activities doesn't mean you're sexually attracted to the person?

I'm asexual biromantic. From what I've learned, that means I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, but I can be emotionally attracted to people. I've had sex before, I enjoyed it, and I still enjoy it as an asexual. So yes, I can still enjoy sex with someone, even though I'm asexual, because I'm still in love with the person. Just not sexually.

In other words, I believe you can enjoy the activity without being attracted to the person in that way.

How can you enjoy sex with somebody you're not sexually attracted to? Wouldn't that kinda feel empty or something, since there's no sexual attraction there? Sorry, I just really don't understand.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Eska, some asexuals can still feel arousal, even though it's not a 'person' who's turning them on per se (no pun intended). If they're stimulated 'down there' there can still be nice feelings, or they may see sex as a sort of 'game' that can be fun. Others might not have any of that, but the knowledge that they are making their partner happy is enough to justify a bit of discomfort for them. There are more possibilities that I don't even know about I know, but those are the 3 I can come up with off the top of my head. Hope that clears things up a little :)

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Oops I forgot
In my experience, sex was a mechanical thing that I had to do to get the affection I wanted from my partner, it held absolutely no emotional importance for me at all (like you thought). For my partner though, without sex, our relationship wasn't really a relationship. I broke up with him because I wasn't prepared to keep putting myself through that, but there are other aces who can and do for the sake of their relationship

[~Rikki~]

Having sex/not having sex/who you have sex with does not determine your sexual orientation.

[Manly Ace]

then why were you complaining about asexuals who masturbate to porn content earlier?

Because that's not the same thing. If porn excites you, obviously you are not sexually indifferent to people.

Enjoying sex or sexual activities doesn't mean you're sexually attracted to the person?

I'm asexual biromantic. From what I've learned, that means I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, but I can be emotionally attracted to people. I've had sex before, I enjoyed it, and I still enjoy it as an asexual. So yes, I can still enjoy sex with someone, even though I'm asexual, because I'm still in love with the person. Just not sexually.

In other words, I believe you can enjoy the activity without being attracted to the person in that way.

No, that's just a personal modeling of "asexuality". But once again, don't complain if people are confused or skeptical about "asexuality" concept. I understand them now.

Because of you, real asexuals are seen as legendary.

[~Rikki~]

This who is real and who isn't real asexual stuff is really tiresome and total bullshit.

[Satin]

Enjoying sex or sexual activities doesn't mean you're sexually attracted to the person?

I'm asexual biromantic. From what I've learned, that means I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, but I can be emotionally attracted to people. I've had sex before, I enjoyed it, and I still enjoy it as an asexual. So yes, I can still enjoy sex with someone, even though I'm asexual, because I'm still in love with the person. Just not sexually.

In other words, I believe you can enjoy the activity without being attracted to the person in that way.

No, that's just a personal modeling of "asexuality". But once again, don't complain if people are confused or skeptical about "asexuality" concept. I understand them now.

Because of you, real asexuals are seen as legendary.

I really don't understand this, to be honest. I totally believe that there is any number of reasons why you would desire sex with a certain person but still not be sexually attracted to them. What Mycroft said makes absolutely sense to me - even though I personally also think the reason why I (as in me personally) could never enjoy sex is due to the lack of attraction (basically what eskazula said).

[Manly Ace]

This who is real and who isn't real asexual stuff is really tiresome and total bullshit.

So don't avail yourself of asexuality as another and true sexual orientation, but rather as another manner of living your actual sexual orientation (hetero/homo/bi/pan).

[eched]

But it IS a sexual orientation. It's just not related to sex drive or how one feels about sex, like you know, EVERY other sexual orientation is not related to that.

If a heterosexual can have sex and thinks it sucks and have a horrible time, why can't an asexual have sex or do something sex like(which could very well be as simple as cuddling naked) and enjoy it?

[Manly Ace]

Enjoying sex or sexual activities doesn't mean you're sexually attracted to the person?

I'm asexual biromantic. From what I've learned, that means I'm not sexually attracted to anyone, but I can be emotionally attracted to people. I've had sex before, I enjoyed it, and I still enjoy it as an asexual. So yes, I can still enjoy sex with someone, even though I'm asexual, because I'm still in love with the person. Just not sexually.

In other words, I believe you can enjoy the activity without being attracted to the person in that way.

No, that's just a personal modeling of "asexuality". But once again, don't complain if people are confused or skeptical about "asexuality" concept. I understand them now.

Because of you, real asexuals are seen as legendary.

I really don't understand this, to be honest. I totally believe that there is any number of reasons why you would desire sex with a certain person but still not be sexually attracted to them. What Mycroft said makes absolutely sense to me - even though I personally also think the reason why I (as in me personally) could never enjoy sex is due to the lack of attraction (basically what eskazula said).

What kind of attraction are you talking about ?

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

then why were you complaining about asexuals who masturbate to porn content earlier?

Because that's not the same thing. If porn excites you, obviously you are not sexually indifferent to people. (Um, no)

No, again.

You're not masturbating to the people, you're masturbating to the sexual activity. That's one of the things that separates asexuals from people of other orientations: Asexuals can desire sexual activity, but they don't desire sexual activity with others.

[Manly Ace]

then why were you complaining about asexuals who masturbate to porn content earlier?

Because that's not the same thing. If porn excites you, obviously you are not sexually indifferent to people. (Um, no)

No, again.

You're not masturbating to the people, you're masturbating to the sexual activity. That's one of the things that separates asexuals from people of other orientations: Asexuals can desire sexual activity, but they don't desire sexual activity with others.

This is not logic at all.

If they desire sexual activity with others, obviously they are attracted to them.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

If they desire sexual activity with others, obviously they are attracted to them. (Exactly. Asexual people don't desire sexual activity with others. They can, however, desire sexual activity. Masturbation is a sexual activity, and it includes no one. )

[Manly Ace]

Is this a personal reasoning or have you learnt it without any questioning ?

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

Is this a personal reasoning or have you learnt it without any questioning ? (Neither, your idea of asexuality however, seems to be the former)

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Asexuality-Anthony-F-Bogaert/dp/1442200995

It's written from one of the few people who have actually studied asexuality.

[Manly Ace]

I agree with masturbation, but we talked about sex with other people.

[eched]

Odd, I keep seeing porn and enjoying the sex in of itself, and I keep not finding other people attractive. My, it's almost like they aren't related! MIND BLOWN! :o

[~Rikki~]

Having sex doesn't equal sexual attraction.

[Manly Ace]

Odd, I keep seeing porn and enjoying the sex in of itself, and I keep not finding other people attractive. My, it's almost like they aren't related! MIND BLOWN! :o

Yes, quite odd. Indeed.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

I agree with masturbation, but we talked about sex with other people.

Did you read what I wrote?

I give up.

[Manly Ace]

Having sex doesn't equal sexual attraction.

But you need excitation nevertheless.