My first attempt to explain asexuality

[Uber Jesus]

I tried to plain what asexuality was to a friend, more specifically demisexuality, and she was not very open to it. Here is what ensued:

Lizzy says:

idk

some santa porn site

Uber Jesus says:

>_>

Lizzy says:

lol

Uber Jesus says:

did i tell you

I am demisexual

Lizzy says:

whats that>

Uber Jesus says:

http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual

Lizzy says:

wow more dumb sexualities

Uber Jesus says:

wow

thats vaguely insulting

Lizzy says:

well

in about a month

theres going to be 100 different sexualities

im sick of all the different ones

to me

theres only 3

and thats how it will ALWAYS be

Uber Jesus says:

how is there going to be 100?

Lizzy says:

ppl keep making ALLLLL different sexualities >.>

Uber Jesus says:

o_o

yeah, because some one just totally made it up.

Lizzy says:

If its on wiki, its made up. i dont trust that site

Uber Jesus says:

>_> actually its from AVEN

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

Lizzy says:

I DONT CARE

Uber Jesus says:

mmmh.

how very close minded of you.

Lizzy says:

Im not close minded

im sick of all these dumb sexualities

names

Uber Jesus says:

so, thats like, exactly what close minded is.

Lizzy says:

So being sick of sexuality being given all these dumb names is close mindedness?

Good bye mike.

Uber Jesus says:

the unwillingness to even...try to understand something is close minded.

Lizzy says:

No, i would be willing to understand

if there wernt 50 other names for sexuality

now leave me alone

go away

good bye

forever

Uber Jesus says:

seriously, I have not heard of these 50 other names for sexuality.

Lizzy says:

omg

do i have to block you?

I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE

Uber Jesus says:

where did these 50 other names for sexuality come from?

So, what do you think? How were your experiences with trying to explain it to other people?

[CrazyCatLover]

I usually start with explaining the difference between romantic and sexual orientation. Once people grasp that concept, they can usually understand asexuality which is usually a necessary prerequisite to understanding demisexuality. Some people will need more time after grasping ace to be introduced to demni than others. You can usually gauge this by how confused the person was by the previous explanations. This approach is what I've found to be the easiest and most effective. Don't worry, you'll find it gets much easier with practice. for your first attempt!

[LittleBlueSpot]

I think that chick needs a swift kick in the face. She is incredibly immature. I wouldn't even try to explain anything to her. LOL

I also just explain it as "Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to either gender" and pretty much leave it at that, unless the listener has any questions.

[Wineblood]

So, what do you think?

Dumb fuck.

But seriously, people who just spout out "there are 3 sexualities and if you don't fit one of them, you're a liar" need to grow up and accept reality, not just the bits they like.

[trisarahtops]

wow, just... wow.

Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I think it's soo rude to discredit someone else's opinion just because it doesn't match up with your own. This person is so not worth the time explaining stuff to.

[Pipe]

... xD Ooookay. That was interesting. Maybe she has issues if she had to be that offended by it...

I understand her point in a way, though, because it really DOES seem like there are fifty million different sexualities. No kidding, man... there's a sexuality for EVERYTHING... After a while, it really does seem ridiculous. That's really because people have to spend so much time categorizing and labeling things. xP That's the problem. People are being extremely specific and so that creates about ten million different terms for things.

Only thing I wouldn't agree with for that girl is that there aren't three sexualities. I could find myself saying there are four or five: Straight, Gay, Bi, Pan, Ace.

Basically, sexuality is a spectrum. And I figure that pretty much could be the ROYGBIV of sexuality (though not particularly in that order!).

[Wineblood]

I understand her point in a way, though, because it really DOES seem like there are fifty million different sexualities.

There are? Apart from the five you listed (and I don't even get Pan), what else is there?

[Lord Dandylion]

I understand her point in a way, though, because it really DOES seem like there are fifty million different sexualities.

There are? Apart from the five you listed (and I don't even get Pan), what else is there?

I dunno. I guess people would include identities that have 'sexual' in them such as transexual, metrosexual, etc

And I know pansexual and bisexual are technically different, but don't people classify themselves as bisexual because they have a pansexual kind of... I dunno... idea of things, they just don't know the term? I guess that's my own opinion though. I always had the mindset of 'love has nothing to do with physical being, so you can be attracted to anyone,' I just haven't experienced the kind of attraction that would place me in that category.

I do understand the girl's annoyance at more and more complex labels. It's like 'everything's gotta have a subcategory? Really?' but... she was a bit, erm... close-minded about it. I mean, just shouting to leave her alone? What the hell? Because that's perfectly mature. If I were in her position, and I didn't really want to hear about something that I thought was annoying or something, I'd just say 'Eh, I don't really care what sexuality people are,' though I guess that could've been seen as mildly insulting, but whatever. It's just none of my business.

[prettyeyes]

Only thing I wouldn't agree with for that girl is that there aren't three sexualities. I could find myself saying there are four or five: Straight, Gay, Bi, Pan, Ace.

Basically, sexuality is a spectrum. And I figure that pretty much could be the ROYGBIV of sexuality (though not particularly in that order!).

This is what I say. Things like homoflexible and demisexual to me are ultra-specific subcategories of the above, and people who are coming out to those who are not well-versed in human sexuality can use which of the better-known terms describes them best. For example, a homoflexible person who has only been attracted to, say, one person of the opposite sex in their life could come out as just gay and explain further to those who want more info.

As for how you did, OP... Wow. Just wow. You were far more civil and polite to her then she deserved and I'm proud of you. I mean, who seriously blocks someone just for trying to explain reality? A very immature person indeed. At least you made an honest effort.

[Iridien]

"Man, I am sick of all these flavors of ICE CREAM! I swear, every time I turn around there is a new one. To me, there are only 3: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. That's it. Anyone who keeps making up new flavors is just DUMB."

Hint: More and more options is a sign that something is progressing. People are learning more about it and opening up possibilities that they never considered before. If we kept to that "Well we don't NEED any more options, we're fine how it is," mindset, we'd all still be in the stone age.

At least she wasn't specifically attacking asexuality... she was just displaying her, uh, impressive maturity levels regarding sexuality in general. I'm really sorry that your first attempt to explain asexuality turned out like that. It's not always that bad, honest.

[Lord Dandylion]

"Man, I am sick of all these flavors of ICE CREAM! I swear, every time I turn around there is a new one. To me, there are only 3: chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. That's it. Anyone who keeps making up new flavors is just DUMB."

ROFLCOPTER!!!

While I don't particularly agree with the comparison, I quite like this interpretation of her XDDD

Kudos, take some :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

[Iridien]

ROFLCOPTER!!!

While I don't particularly agree with the comparison, I quite like this interpretation of her XDDD

Kudos, take some :cake: :cake: :cake: :cake:

Awr, glad my trollishness could make you chuckle. *num num num*

[Guest member25959]

Its amazing how bigoted people can be.

Actually, I haven't had the need to explain it yet, the people whom I tell all know what Asexuality is. I recall telling my Class friends in my Old college, they didn't know what it was except for one, who explained it, and they all reacted well to the explanation.

[Shortass Lady]

I usually start with explaining the difference between romantic and sexual orientation.

That's how I usually start explaining asexuality to someone who's never heard of it before. It's two things they can relate to and understand (good way to start), and I just point out that although these two things usually operate together, they technically are separate things that can operate independently, and you CAN have one without the other. Then it's just a little step to explaining 'romantic attraction without the sexual attraction' and that's the basics of asexuality done with.

That's usually enough for lesson 1! If you want to go on to talk about demisexuality and so on, perhaps a better approach might be to wait until the person has got used to the idea of asexuality, then expand their knowledge a little bit at a time, in bite-sized steps, in numerous conversations over weeks and months. Demisexuality could be lesson 3 or 4 :)

I'm sorry to hear about the reaction you got from your 'friend'(?). Don't be disheartened, not everyone will be like that. It says more about them than it does about you. I've always had positive reactions from people - it's just about who you tell and how you tell them. Like I say, I tend to go for the 'slowly but surely' approach.

[kiramekuchan]

I think its annoying people can't see more than one definition. There are billions and billions of people on earth all of them individuals and you think that they can only be placed in 3 groups? We're called individuals for a reason! I find it really irritating when people cant see further than the tip of their own nose so to speak.

In my opinion the more definitions the better.

[Oka-sama]

Sounds like a close-minded teenager, and she doesn't sound like much of a friend. <_< I mean really, 'goodbye forever'? I was bitten by my friend's dog, they promptly blamed me for it, then abandoned me for a summer...we are now good friends. Disagreeing over different sexualities seems pretty shallow... <_<

[Nameless123]

In my opinion the more definitions the better.

I think that especially concerning sexual orientations a lot of new things will be put forward before a scientific system will be developed to put all of this into some order. I'm not really a fan of too many definitions because after a while they end up describing nothing at all anymore or unnecessarily split one thing into too many parts. And when it comes to such highly abstract things as non-sexual attraction to people and all the forms that can take, I can't even imagine how to categorise that. Technically that doesn't even have anything to do with human sexuality anymore in the strictest biological sense.