Laplace Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 11 hours ago, ThatHuman said: Leonardo Dicaprio... Romeo and Juliet... Everyone was like: "Ohhhhh, ma god! Yes!" Me *thoughts*: "You look like a premature baby - are you crying? Why are you crying? YOU HAVENT EVEN SPOKE TO HER?!?? WHAT IS THIS - ?!???!" Just reminds me of the numerous times I had to study R&J in school. Classmates: “Oh it’s so romantic!” Me: “No it’s ****ing not! This dumb infatuated numbskull listens to his **** and tries to elope with a girl he met just days ago, and then the couple’s naivety and stupidity gets themselves and a bunch of other people killed. This is not romantic! It’s telling you not to be a complete idiot and get carried away with some random crush.” 11 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zeno Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 6 hours ago, ThatHuman said: Debating to be a nun/monk to have an excuse for your disinterest...and more disinterest... Because then no-one would question you... And that would be brilliant! Till you realised - you hate structure and order... I would probably seriously consider being a priest. I don't know what the positive incentives would be for me, but at least the biggest negative incentive for a lot of people would not be a factor. Except I'm Jewish, and rabbis ARE allowed (even encouraged) to marry and have sex! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
try again Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 17 hours ago, ThatHuman said: Me too - me too - PLEASE COMEDY! I JUST WANT TO LAUGH MY EYES OUT WITHOUT THE CONSTANT INNUENDOES!!! WHHHHHHHYYYYY!?!??? Welp - I'm sticking to My Little Pony - nope, that gets so romantic sometimes I want to be sick... Ughhhhhh, WHAT CAN I WATCH?! Oh yeah... Nature and science channel... I really can't go anywhere else without having brain damage... Ugh! - COMEDY?! Nature channels are full of sex. Lions go at it like crazy. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 When the word "hard" means difficult and the word "wet" means you just went swimming you pretty much know you're ace. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lirpaderp Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 11 minutes ago, miettaisace said: When the word "hard" means difficult and the word "wet" means you just went swimming you pretty much know you're ace. I really hate that. They always assume the alternate meanings and it bothers me. What else could I mean when I say the test was hard? That one doesn't even make sense! 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lucas Monteiro Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 On 06/08/2017 at 1:16 AM, Lirpaderp said: I'm afraid to Google it but I can't resist [Read carefully, this is your fault if you want to read, not mine] Pootang means parts pertaining to the female genitalia or another name for vagina. If you look more deep the concept, it's kind of offensive, because it is said to describe and I quote, "The land of the pussy" or "good pussy" by some people. Yeah, good thing you didn't Google about it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Forest Spirit Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 2 hours ago, miettaisace said: When the word "hard" means difficult and the word "wet" means you just went swimming you pretty much know you're ace. Just had that today, I said "sometimes you have to be hard (hart in german)" meaning tough and yeah... it was apparently funny hearing me making a sex joke! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StormySky Posted October 16, 2017 Share Posted October 16, 2017 -I thought netflix and chill meant chilling with your homies while binging netflix shows. Apparently it's sexual. -I use the words "wet" and "dry" reffering to reverb space in music... but people think it's something else. Ew. -listening to hard dance, scrolled down accidentally, comment said "you know what else is hard?" And I made the dumb decision to click read more. I expected it to be something about dance moves. Nooopppe it said, "my &%$#" -heard my sister singing some annoying pop song, interprited "put your body on me" as belly flopping on someone. I found that funny somehow. 9 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ThatHuman Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 8 hours ago, try again said: Nature channels are full of sex. Lions go at it like crazy. Oh yeah... But I usually stick to the random treehouse building and pool building - I don't know why those as on that nature channel - but I'll take what I can... Vet stuff, rescue stuff... It's honestly the best thing I can find on TV - some shows, NOPE! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 8 hours ago, Quasar.w said: Just had that today, I said "sometimes you have to be hard (hart in german)" meaning tough and yeah... it was apparently funny hearing me making a sex joke! Same thing happened to me i was outside watering my plants and the hose pressure increased randomly and i got soaked so i said to my mate "im so wet" he laughed and laughed and i stood there very confused. then it hit me... 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Famethyst Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 So my friend posted this "would you rather" thing, and you had to choose between giving up beer, steak, football, or sex (I put the graphic in a spoiler for a possible TMI for the picture on the "sex" option). I just thought it was hilarious because as a nerdy, wine-preferring, pescatarian asexual, literally all of them could leave and I wouldn't miss a single one! Spoiler 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 10 hours ago, Quasar.w said: Just had that today, I said "sometimes you have to be hard (hart in german)" meaning tough and yeah... it was apparently funny hearing me making a sex joke! I posted a status update once. It said "I like them long, you know, hugs." 2 hours ago, Famethyst said: So my friend posted this "would you rather" thing, and you had to choose between giving up beer, steak, football, or sex (I put the graphic in a spoiler for a possible TMI for the picture on the "sex" option). I just thought it was hilarious because as a nerdy, wine-preferring, pescatarian asexual, literally all of them could leave and I wouldn't miss a single one! Hide contents The one I saw had guns instead of football. A friend shared it, saying three can go tbh. All her friends were wondering which one she wanted. It was sex because she's pansexual and hated beef. I said that I would keep just the steak, and would give guns a try, but otherwise wouldn't need it. On another unrelated comment, I added that the sex looked too straight. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Forest Spirit Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 6 hours ago, miettaisace said: Same thing happened to me i was outside watering my plants and the hose pressure increased randomly and i got soaked so i said to my mate "im so wet" he laughed and laughed and i stood there very confused. then it hit me... A male friend used to put his wet hands on my neck when I didn't see it to scare me (thank god he stopped doing it...) and so one time he asked me jokingly "what? Do you not like this?" And I said "no, you're making me wet!" His response "well the other way around it'd be weird" ... they all just laughed until I understood the pun 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AussieIsAce Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 15 minutes ago, Quasar.w said: A male friend used to put his wet hands on my neck when I didn't see it to scare me (thank god he stopped doing it...) and so one time he asked me jokingly "what? Do you not like this?" And I said "no, you're making me wet!" His response "well the other way around it'd be weird" ... they all just laughed until I understood the pun wait i dont get it? omg you literally made another ace moment... what does it mean "other way around??" 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Forest Spirit Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 36 minutes ago, miettaisace said: wait i dont get it? omg you literally made another ace moment... what does it mean "other way around??" As far as I got it you can only make a woman wet (in the arousal way thing) and not a man. Or I have no idea 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Beaver Boy Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 Whilst visiting a university several years back, some students asked me where else I was looking. I said I liked Georgia Tech a lot, and they said "Don't go there. You'll never get p****". Suffice it to say, that was one of the reasons I never applied there. I ended up not applying for GT either, but for other reasons. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Delyn Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 When my friend was asking me what my type was and I replied "human?" 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tintinfan Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 1 hour ago, Delyn said: When my friend was asking me what my type was and I replied "human?" Better than saying Times New Roman or Arial I suppose. 8 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 16 minutes ago, Tintinfan said: Better than saying Times New Roman or Arial I suppose. No one who uses the term type should ever say either of those. ...but now I know my answer to that question is Bodoni. Thank you. ETA: Although Sabon has that italic ampersand. Umf. The two things I've ever described as sexy: typefaces and cars. 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
miauw Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 11 hours ago, borkfork said: No one who uses the term type should ever say either of those. ...but now I know my answer to that question is Bodoni. Thank you. ETA: Although Sabon has that italic ampersand. Umf. The two things I've ever described as sexy: typefaces and cars. I would love to be able to 'like' this more than once. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
borkfork Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 @miau maybe I should change my title to "letterpress pervert" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
miauw Posted October 17, 2017 Share Posted October 17, 2017 1 minute ago, borkfork said: @miau maybe I should change my title to "letterpress pervert" Then I guess I'd be a slut in this context, since I drool over multiple typefaces and am unable to pick just one. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Haylo298 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 On 17/10/2017 at 9:47 AM, StormySky said: I thought netflix and chill meant chilling with your homies while binging netflix shows. Apparently it's sexual. I have trouble with that one, because I can't ask someone to come over and watch Netflix anymore without needing to explain myself. I have a similar relationship with the phrase ' sleeping together '. Like, what if I literally just want to sleep in a bed with someone? There is no way for me to say this because if I say 'do you want to sleep together?' it can never mean anything other than sex T_T 5 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CFilipek Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 42 minutes ago, Haylo298 said: I have trouble with that one, because I can't ask someone to come over and watch Netflix anymore without needing to explain myself. I have a similar relationship with the phrase ' sleeping together '. Like, what if I literally just want to sleep in a bed with someone? There is no way for me to say this because if I say 'do you want to sleep together?' it can never mean anything other than sex T_T Maybe you could ask do you want to share a bed? If someone was really determined it could probably be taken out of context, but it's not really used as a sexual innuendo as far as I'm aware so it would have less of a risk of misunderstanding than asking someone if they want to sleep with you 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 9 minutes ago, CFilipek said: Maybe you could ask do you want to share a bed? If someone was really determined it could probably be taken out of context, but it's not really used as a sexual innuendo as far as I'm aware so it would have less of a risk of misunderstanding than asking someone if they want to sleep with you I asked to nap together. I don't think she naps and I think she just said yes because she was fine with it, but never did it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Jetsun Milarepa Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 I'm sure I had an Ace moment at the dentist ....he said that if there was too much water as he polished my teeth I could wave and let him know 'Oh, it's ok' I said 'I learnt to swallow with my mouth open' ....and the dental nurse erupted into hysterics! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted October 18, 2017 Share Posted October 18, 2017 Don't know if this is really ace or just really random. I work at a medical company and the person next to me answers the phone when people call. She managed to get a call from a client who wouldn't stop talking. She checked that the conversation lasted 10 minutes. The client talked about her going to China and eating this one vegetable that she couldn't name. After getting off the phone, my co-worker was telling me about it and the description the client gave was bad. "She could've said cucumber shaped or something, but she said penis shaped! Seriously no other thing could come to mind? And you did NOT just tell your medical assistant that this vegetable was penis shaped." I asked if it was okra. She didn't know what it was. So I did a quick Google search. She thinks that was it. I said, "I GUESS it looks like one" (with my knowledge only really from looking at packers, and being stealth she probably thinks I have one). She then messaged another co-worker who just said okra didn't taste good. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ash_fi Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 I've been going through this thread for a few nights and I can relate so very well... So many moments that have felt awkward and I hadn't been able to pinpoint the reason why - but now it all makes more sense. The thread makes me laugh aloud but also cry a little. The traumas are healing. Today I asked my sister if anyone ever stopped to wonder why I only had dead celebrities (R.I.P. Kurt Cobain and River Phoenix) and cute baby pictures on my walls as a teen. To think of it now, that must have been a bit creepy to sexual people! I guess everyone just thought I was making existential statements. And for the fear of intimacy we all just thought I've had attachment issues when growing up. I remember my (ex)partner asking if I'd like more ripped abs. I said I prefer soft for a touch. He did get himself into great shape with washboard abs. Eager for my approval, now would I be pleased, finally be aroused. And what did I say: yeah I prefer soft. (He is gorgeous. And to me it does nothing. I did comment he looks statuesque and he thought it was the most I have ever said about his looks. I just can't go beyond that, there is some line that set us apart.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
A_Osmyde Posted October 19, 2017 Share Posted October 19, 2017 This one happened a while back but I just remembered. In high school I had a couple friends and one came to me exclaiming that the other didn't know what "eating out" was. I was surprised, because that's a really common term in English for going out to a restaurant or something for a meal, so I laughed about it a little and explained that to him. Then the first friend said, "oh no not that..." and proceeded to explain the sexual term by the same name to the other friend. I stood there dumbfounded and confused. Nasty. That was really my introduction to the rediculous world of innuendos. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I had a weird hangout yesterday with a trans girl friend. One of our conversations was about something I said sometime back. She is currently in a master's in engineering program, thinking about making enough money to take in friends like me who live in environments we don't want to be in. One of our friends is living in Washington with that kind of help now, and she wanted to be like that helping friend. So she asked if I would ever live in the same room as her. I said it was fine. The first thing she has in mind is "if I get 'lucky', would you mind sleeping on a couch outside [the room]?" I'm facepalming because why this as the first question after the previous one? Then when we're leaving the place we were at, which had music, my friend starts dancing awkwardly. I start thinking about the song Dancing Queen, which I heard the other day. I said that I could sing about this song about a dancing girl, who's trying to find a guy, but she's not straight. My friend just changes the story and says that the girl is finding the guy to have a beard. I started wondering what's the female version of a beard but it's probably the term for both. That would be an interesting story though, an adventure to find a beard. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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