Demisexual, panromantic, something in between?

[eviansflame]

Okay, so lately I've been doing a lot of informal research. For some unknown reason, I really want to find a term that describes me (maybe so I can explain myself more easily to others?). I know there are a lot of people out there on this forum who know their way around the spectrum. Perhaps you all could help me try to identify myself.

My sexual attraction to people is kind of complicated. Honestly I don't care what the person's gender or sex is. They could be male, female, trans, anything in between. I'm pretty sure this defines pansexuality.... But wait, here comes the confusing part. It's not the "to whom" with sexual attraction I'm confused about. It's the "when." When I think of sex, as in porn, not me partaking in it (basically, anything that isn't real life) if I'm in the mood, I can get turned on. So these "strangers" provoke arousal in me when I'm bored or "in the mood" but nothing beyond that. It is also notable that when I use porn I'm focusing more on my own pleasure than on what I'm watching, which I thought was sort of something the vast majority of people did until reading otherwise.

In real life, even with strangers, I find it impossible to have any sexual feelings or arousal from seeing people unless I have developed a deep emotional bond with them... And until I'm sure they're my soul mate. Yes, "boobs and butts" are pleasing to look at... But nothing more. Unless I'm watching porn. See how the line gets all blurry?

Sometimes, with really close friends, I get a little bit of a sexual attraction... Or I picture us in a relationship. The feelings are easy to sweep aside, when I'm not interested in anything like that.

To conclude my self-description, the following is my ideal fantasy of a relationship.

Be it girl or guy (or someone in between), every relationship I have had, the other person was to clingy. They were always very lovey-dovey. Too much. Wayyyy too much for me. I just figured I was an independent person. But the perfect picture for me would be a deep friendship. A love founded in an unbreakable emotional connection. And in everyday couple life, we would hug and hold hands and stuff, be able to tell each other everything, be completely comfortable around one another. Kissing sounds okay to me, something lasting a few seconds, but I imagine it founded more in a deep emotional moment or a random expression of love than in bored sexual feelings. "Making out" sounds uncomfortable and slightly appealing at the same time, and sex... Well, I won't do anything sexual until I'm absolutely certain I will spend my life with this person. The idea of a one night stand or sex with someone you've been dating for a little while makes me feel really vulnerable and shuddery and a little sick. It's like doing so would be letting the other person steal some very special part of me, and I imagine I would feel really violated and "tainted" afterwards. But I do have wonderful visions of sex with someone I love.

Okay. Sorry for the novel. This is what I got in terms of self-identity. Experts, give me some words, please!

Thanks for reading.

[eviansflame]

Forgot to say. I'm female :)

[Wolf.star]

Demisexuality does sound like it's the right fit for you. However, I really can't tell you what you are. It's something no-one can tell you but yourself.
Demisexuality, as I'm sure you know, is when a person can become sexually attracted to people they form strong bonds with. This does include friends. It doesn't necessarily have to be a romantic bond.

As for the porn aspect. Many asexuals do have fetishes, watch porn, masturbate, have sex dreams, etc. It's perfectly fine to.

[theotherfey]

But the perfect picture for me would be a deep friendship. A love founded in an unbreakable emotional connection. And in everyday couple life, we would hug and hold hands and stuff, be able to tell each other everything, be completely comfortable around one another. Kissing sounds okay to me, something lasting a few seconds, but I imagine it founded more in a deep emotional moment or a random expression of love than in bored sexual feelings. "Making out" sounds uncomfortable and slightly appealing at the same time, and sex... Well, I won't do anything sexual until I'm absolutely certain I will spend my life with this person. The idea of a one night stand or sex with someone you've been dating for a little while makes me feel really vulnerable and shuddery and a little sick. It's like doing so would be letting the other person steal some very special part of me, and I imagine I would feel really violated and "tainted" afterwards.

Thanks for reading.

That's kind of how I feel too

[mainstay]

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