Anyone Asexual & Unable to Feel Sexual Pleasure?

[Aim-s]

I am heterosexual (though I've only developed romantic feeling once to a guy and dated for nearly four years) but he was hypersexual (wanted to do it *all the time*) and since I was asexual (*never wanted sex*) it put lot of strain on our relationship. Problem is that even when I use lube to compensate for lack of physical arousal, I still don't feel anything. It is as if almost sensory nerves are not attached at all. I can feel pressure but it is similar to one just brushing finger across arm. No electrical pulses, blood rushing, or layering of arousal. I don't even have desire to do mastruabtion, watch porn, or ever get physically aroused. I do find certain people aestically pleasing, but that's the extent of it.

As for fear or disgust to sex, I have none. I am very social, lead active life style, eat healthy, and quite happy with where I am at in life.... except for lack of libido. It is confusing as I love being touched, hugged, and cuddling is perhaps my favorite activity with a partner but anything beyond a cuddle/massage I am never sexually stimulated. I can touch and attempt to stimulate clitoris, vagina, G-spot but NOTHING works.

I figured something was wrong with my hormone so I had it checked and everything is in perfect working order. I have regular mensus and ovulation. I've had three sex partners just to experiement and develop self confidence, but I still cannot be aroused. It actually makes me jelous when I read most asexuals are able to feel sexually aroused.... because I can't. And I have exausted all I can try to increase libido to the point I am on verge of giving up.

Anyone else who can relate with this?

[gypsy_princess]

i can relate. i don't feel sexual pleasure touching my genitals, i don't feel the need to masturbate or watch porn. i can't feel aroused. i think you're non libidoist, which means what you don't have a sex drive. and it's normal. more than 1% of the population is non libidoist

http://www.fractology.org/non-libidoists.htm see here

[Philip027]

I am ace, but I wouldn't know if I could feel sexual pleasure because I've never tried to do so. The processes involved just seem too gross and squicky, no matter how one would go about doing it. For me it would be like trying to derive any sort of pleasure out of drinking water out of a toilet.

I suppose it's worth pointing out though that I also did get my hormones checked (for entirely different reasons, though) and it turns out that I have low testosterone... so who knows, maybe that's got a hand in how I am somehow. Hormones seem to affect the libido rather than the orientation though, which is why you'll hear of many aces whose hormones are normal.

[codenamedeek]

I feel the same way, I've tried everything, but nothing does it for me. I'm glad somebody was able to put it into words! so thank you!

[Lia]

Moved to The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions

Lia

Asexual Q&A Mod

[Aim-s]

I am sorry, did not realize I wrote in the wrong category. Shows how well I can pinpoint relevancy XD

Thanks to those who has responded to my inquiry. I had no idea term non libidoist existed. That made me feel better to know it is being recognized. Majority of comments I read were of women who experienced low libido after having high/normal from drug side effect, difficult birthing procedure, old age, etc. So it all made sense. I should be in my prime, and being told 30 was the "peak" for women all these years and still not feeling anything is making me little deperate.

I just wish there was more information such as possible low libido from drug interaction (like taking pill, which I am against hormonal birth control so I don't take any) or low testosterone.

Being romantically attracted yet not being able to make love is a very tough situation. It makes me feel at fault for not "functioning" correctly even though everything seems "normal".

If I had a disability of missing limb, I'd come to terms with it knowing my limitations. But not knowing the cause makes me continually hope perhaps there is a cure.

I guess I am little too stubborn not to accept myself for who I am... sorry to rant (-_-;) More than anything I want to be romantically involved and connected with one special partner.

Yet this lack of libido seems to get in the way of having a functional relation as it causes tension from opposing display of affection. One is not necessary greater than another, but it makes it difficult to give the "love" message a potential partner would easily interpret and understand.

[Sally]

Aim-s, you probably know this, but there is a difference between libido and sexual attraction. Some asexuals masturbate because their libido is normal, but they don't feel sexual attraction (i.e., wanting -- at least at some point -- to have sex with other people). Some asexuals can feel pleasure when having sex but still aren't attracted to other people -- they generally have sex to please their partners. Many asexuals on AVEN have had their hormones checked and the levels have been normal, so asexuality isn't connected to hormonal activity. Libido can be, but not always.

So -- it's complicated!

[Charlotte_uk]

Yes! (I'd forgotten how much I miss coming on these forums - I'm an in-the-closet Asexual for the most part) I've always described it as a missing connection between my brain and body. I get turned on mentally by a lot of things (have many many fetishes, love porn, etc), but it just stops at that point. I never have any desire whatsoever to act on it with another person. I'm pretty normal in every other sense - I'm fine with being physically close to people and affectionate, and these days I'm fairly sociable (albeit very busy due to work/study), and have no problem with talking about sex. In fact I flirt constantly at work as it's that sort of environment (although the understanding is always there that it's a work thing and not going to go any further - business just works better that way)! But it never goes any further than my brain. Definitely a missing part somewhere!

[Anhamirak]

I am heterosexual (though I've only developed romantic feeling once to a guy and dated for nearly four years) but he was hypersexual (wanted to do it *all the time*) and since I was asexual (*never wanted sex*) it put lot of strain on our relationship. Problem is that even when I use lube to compensate for lack of physical arousal, I still don't feel anything. It is as if almost sensory nerves are not attached at all. I can feel pressure but it is similar to one just brushing finger across arm. No electrical pulses, blood rushing, or layering of arousal. I don't even have desire to do mastruabtion, watch porn, or ever get physically aroused. I do find certain people aestically pleasing, but that's the extent of it.

As for fear or disgust to sex, I have none. I am very social, lead active life style, eat healthy, and quite happy with where I am at in life.... except for lack of libido. It is confusing as I love being touched, hugged, and cuddling is perhaps my favorite activity with a partner but anything beyond a cuddle/massage I am never sexually stimulated. I can touch and attempt to stimulate clitoris, vagina, G-spot but NOTHING works.

I figured something was wrong with my hormone so I had it checked and everything is in perfect working order. I have regular mensus and ovulation. I've had three sex partners just to experiement and develop self confidence, but I still cannot be aroused. It actually makes me jelous when I read most asexuals are able to feel sexually aroused.... because I can't. And I have exausted all I can try to increase libido to the point I am on verge of giving up.

Anyone else who can relate with this?

That, that right there, is me. Well, other than the hormone tests, that is. Never really cared enough to bother with that.

In my head, the idea of sex can be arousing and get me all hot and tingly (because, you know, intimacy, desire, longing to be close to someone you love, yadda yadda yadda), but when it gets down to actually physically engaging in the sexytimes...nope. It doesn't feel bad, necessarily, but neither does it feel particularly "good." More of a vaguely pleasant neutral, maybe? At any rate, I'd rather have a back massage. (TMI WARNING (though really, given the topic of this thread, is it really necessary? Ah well, better safe than sorry! (like with condom use! ahem, anyways))) It's not like my body is incapable of orgasm, either, because I know the physical signs and I've had what should be pretty spectacular orgasms, but it's like you said, "It is as if...sensory nerves are not attached at all." I am a cuddle monster though, and very physically affectionate in general, so I can relate to the feeling of confusion on that score, too.

We should get together and stage a cuddle orgy. Just sayin'.

[Hevski]

I totally relate to this (though I have yet to get my hormones assessed, though I have a cyst on my ovary at the moment).. Everything that has been said..

[cemeterywitch]

I have no desire or need to be aroused or masturbate. I've found that I can fantasize for fun but then trying to masturbate during just ruins it. So I don't masturbate, and I fantasize when bored not because there's a need. I agree in that it feels like there's no nerves down there. I'm happy the way I am though.

I find that fanfiction is the most fun cause it's not involving me.

[Aim-s]

Hmm, I do wonder though. Has anyone taken supplements of testosterone to see if this helps increase libido? Some of the girls I've talked to who had higher than average libido seems to have tested higher than average male hormone. So I was wondering if anyone has attempted to use it as a treatment (since I am not exactly happy being libido-free as it complicates romantic relations with sexual partner and makes intercourse very painful)

[Sally]

I am heterosexual (though I've only developed romantic feeling once to a guy and dated for nearly four years) but he was hypersexual (wanted to do it *all the time*) and since I was asexual (*never wanted sex*) it put lot of strain on our relationship. Problem is that even when I use lube to compensate for lack of physical arousal, I still don't feel anything. It is as if almost sensory nerves are not attached at all. I can feel pressure but it is similar to one just brushing finger across arm. No electrical pulses, blood rushing, or layering of arousal. I don't even have desire to do mastruabtion, watch porn, or ever get physically aroused. I do find certain people aestically pleasing, but that's the extent of it.

As for fear or disgust to sex, I have none. I am very social, lead active life style, eat healthy, and quite happy with where I am at in life.... except for lack of libido. It is confusing as I love being touched, hugged, and cuddling is perhaps my favorite activity with a partner but anything beyond a cuddle/massage I am never sexually stimulated. I can touch and attempt to stimulate clitoris, vagina, G-spot but NOTHING works.

I figured something was wrong with my hormone so I had it checked and everything is in perfect working order. I have regular mensus and ovulation. I've had three sex partners just to experiement and develop self confidence, but I still cannot be aroused. It actually makes me jelous when I read most asexuals are able to feel sexually aroused.... because I can't. And I have exausted all I can try to increase libido to the point I am on verge of giving up.

Anyone else who can relate with this?

Definitely, all my life.

[Philip027]

Hmm, I do wonder though. Has anyone taken supplements of testosterone to see if this helps increase libido?

I've actually started T treatments, but not for the purpose of increasing libido (that is something that I actually don't have, and don't want)

I just got my 2nd shot last week, actually.

Thus far though, I've noticed no difference in anything.