Okay, this'll sound crazy but hear me out

[Zii]

Let's say you are an asexual woman, who meets a sexual man.

You were meant to be for each other.
You get along very well.
You have many interests in common.
You both feel peace when you are together
etc.

But this man, a bit into your relationship, needs to satisfy his "urges".



Would is be crazy, assuming both sides agree that...
The man satisfies himself by having sex with other women.
Kinda like cheating, but not cheating because this woman (the asexual one) is okay with it.

They get married, and every few months/weeks whatever, the man has a one night stand.
When he comes home, everything is just the way it was. He still loves the asexual woman he is married to, and she loves him.
And he has no feelings whatsoever about the women he had sex with.
So he will never want to divorce since they are both satisfied in their relationship.

And they adopt kids or whatever.


Does this make any sense?
Is this crazy?
Is it possible?

[Arctic_Revenge]

It's not crazy. People have done this since forever. You can have a open relationship, or a strict menage-a-trois where the women know and accept each other.

Some aces resort to it because it's the only way to make things work. It's difficult to do, but can be done.

http://wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn?s=menage a trois

• household for three; an arrangement where a married couple and a lover of one of them live together while sharing sexual relations

[FlaafyTaffy]

It's definitely called an open relationship and millions of people do it.

[passionatefriend61]

Yeah, not crazy. Called an "open (romantic) relationship," meaning that it is not sexually monogamous but it is romantically monogamous. There have been aces in mixed romantic relationships like that.

[Guest]

*nods* As others say, it's called an open relationship.And plenty of people do it, sexual or asexual. Not crazy. :)

[Touchofinsight]

Yep I have done it many times and not for me, but for my partners.

They can sleep with whomever they want, as much as they want *shrugs*.

[Notte stellata]

In personal relationships, nothing is crazy (in a bad sense) as long as everyone is on the same page and everything is done ethically (i.e. no hooking up with people in monogamous relationships or leading people on).

A possible problem is not many sexuals (men or women) can be okay with only having one night stands. Many need at least some emotional connection, like FWB. Some are only comfortable having sex with romantic partners. But I don't know if you're just pondering this hypothetically or if you already have a partner. If your partner is okay with the arrangement you mentioned, then it's all good.

[SpiritBunny80]

I have wanted a relationship like that with a certain friend of mine, but unfortunately he said he "wasn't the type" to sleep with a woman he didn't love. *sigh*

But I'm sure there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind an arrangement like that.

[vsall]

i do not want to offend anyone , its just my opinion.

Many times, sexuals tend to "bond" with sexual action.

so what if a "one night stand of his" turns out to eventually get more and more time and thought and feelings of your partner?

what if what they have is something they both want to keep?

will that -unfortunate possibility- affect your heart and life in a way that is disturbing to you and at a level you cannot ignore?

because we are all humen, of course some of us tend to get jealous of those this.

I dont know, just think it through. if such a senario is not bad accordning to your thoughts then go with it.

But just saying. Tried it once. Now he is happy with his once...two...three...fifteen night stands , named Katia...

[sound_the_bugle]

Not crazy, not impossible. An agreement has to be reached, that's all. Communication is key in any relationship, but especially in an open relationship.

As other people said, it happens all the time.

Just don't be surprised if there's some unexpected backlash.

[Alex H]

When I first explained to my boyfriend (now fiancé) that I was asexual, and not comfortable having sex (of course, this after the big Uh-Oh! that ended in our very much loved son) I told him I would be willing to have an open relationship where he could seek another woman if he needed to but I just didn't have those urges. I told him to take a few days and really think about it. I had NO problem because he still would come home to me at night. He talked to me three days later and said he couldn't stomach the thought of being with another woman because he loved me. We agreed to revisit the topic if we ever needed to, but came to a sort-of compromise: we have sex about once every month but he takes care of his urges by himself otherwise. I might be in bed sleeping while he "handles" it, but I don't have to deal with it most of the time.

[Veeri]

Just make sure, with a lot of one-night stands happening (a.k.a., a lot of different women involved) that the husband is safeguarding against STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Aside from that, as long as all parties are comfortable and happy with the relationship, nothing wrong with it. It's been done.

[Satin]

Cheating is defined by the boundaries the involved partners set. If both agree on this sort of relationship it is not cheating and it is certainly possible. It requires a lot of trust though and it is also possible that the sexual partner at some point will fall in love with the person they still their sexual urges with. I wouldn't necessarily consider this a failure of this relationship type, though. Relationships can break apart for many reasons and hardly one lasts a lifetime.

Many times, sexuals tend to "bond" with sexual action.

Precisely the reason why I would not enter this kind of relationship. It's one of my non-negotiables for partnership. So for me personally this would not be an option. But for others it might work so why not give it a try if one is up for it?

[Kitty Spoon Train]

Many times, sexuals tend to "bond" with sexual action.

Precisely the reason why I would not enter this kind of relationship. It's one of my non-negotiables for partnership. So for me personally this would not be an option. But for others it might work so why not give it a try if one is up for it?

Yeah, I wouldn't be up for this either...

And what I mean by that is - I wouldn't trust it when someone says that they can keep things "purely physical" on an ongoing basis. Emotions are funny things. Not as firmly and predictably under our control as we like to think. And this can sneak up on you no matter how well you think you know yourself.

That said, there's a lot to be said for realising that you don't have to act on your emotions just because you're feeling them. :D

At any rate, yeah, with me it would always be total freedom or nothing (ie both sexual and emotional freedom). If there are going to be boundaries in relationships, they should be defined by conscious actions and efforts, not by fickle things like "feelings".

[Annie1]

I have thought about it too. Since I am, at least in the current state of mind, not willing to compromise, I have thought that if I should find a potential partner I will advise an open relationship. I did not understand whether you have talked about it with this guy or not?

I think that the biggest challenge is getting the man to agree to it. There are many guys that will not even consider it..and I understand them. They say that the sex has no point what so ever with other people and they rather break up with the asexual partner than get into an open relationship. The person has to be able to complitely separate love and sex.

Once the open relationship is established, the biggest problem is that the sexual person may want to start a partnership with their sexual partner at some point.

I think it is not possible to ever be 100% sure of what the future will be like and what happens.. it totally depends on the people involved. What you described in entirely possible, it just has it's downsides like any other kind of relationship. I would recommend you to go for it if your partner is entirely okay with it. You can never be 100% sure of the future in a monogam relationship either. :)

[Guest]

Doesn't sounds crazy to me at all... in fact, to me it seems one of the least crazy ways to handle the sitch of partners with conflicting orientations. ^_^

I don't have a problem with a partner I'm with having an emotional/love bond with someone else, though. Fully on board with poly/RA relationships - I don't see any need (or point) to draw the line at "only" being sexually open.

[Vegito]

I just made a topic about this last week too! We just started trying this and I still feel iffy about it but I'm getting used to it I guess. She only sees one person for sex though and its her roommate. She is my friend too. There was no weirdness when I visited her this weekend ( 3 hrs apart because of her school).