They Will All Be Friendzoned (Update)

[Purnkin Spurce]

Last post on this was about how I didn't feel for 2 guy friends of mine who had/have a thing for me. I posted a blog (which one of them are on) about how I was having a crush on a girl I've met online. I've posted many blogs like this but this one really got to him. It was a innocent post and said no names in particular and had calm feelings.

After I had posted it, the day after I could immediately tell something was wrong with him. He was very short with me and not himself. I asked him about it many times but he changed the subject and said "nothing," which is one of his biggest lies. Yesterday I asked if something I did, said, or wrote upset him. He said it was nothing I did. So obviously it was the other 2. And with that I got my answer when he in fact could not answer my questions. His silence said it all.

Now the problem is, he thought that I didn't know he had feelings for me. I don't understand how he could presume I'm oblivious to that. I've known for a very long time and just kept it to myself, why would I talk about it?

And now he is crushed, like I thought he would be. He says he only wishes me happiness and so on. But I can tell he is very upset and trying to be a good friend. But this is what I hate, I'm the villain again. She-who-tears-out-mens'-beating-hearts chick.

p.s.

He and I had a talk a couple of days ago, so he could get things off his chest. He realizes there can be nothing romantic between us so he's trying to push his feelings aside. I wish he didn't have to do that but he will have to slowly get rid of those feelings if he wants us to be friends like we used to. We would rather have each other in our lives than not at all and I won't let this break apart our friendship.

Also my other good guy friend knows and acknowledges I am asexual too and accepts it. I feel a little better now and hope they do too. They are good friends to me and never wanna let something as trivial as this get in the way of good friendships. Things have worked out and they will continue to.

[tea shark]

That is really unfortunate. I wish I knew what advise to give, but I am in a somewhat similar predicament.

Sadly, this sounds like a situation where there is nothing for you to do. As you said, you cannot control your feelings (or lack there of) and have done nothing wrong. This is something that he needs to sort out for himself which will take time and maybe some space to move on.

I understand your frustrations of feeling the villain and I cannot even talk about it to my friends without sounding like a heartless jerk (apparently I should be thankful for having guys fall for me). Trouble is, I'm not interested in dating and when I have my close friends develop feelings for me it just adds uncomfortable strain to our friendship. I don't want that.

[Zerο]

It's a crappy situation, but it's no one's fault. You can't help that you don't feel for him that way, and he can't help that he does feel for you that way. There's no villain or victim.

[Oswald]

That's something I (and probably a bunch of other people here) can relate to. You didn't do anything wrong at all. If he's unable to see past his own infatuation and understand that there's no possibility of you being attracted to him, then if it were me in your situation I'd seriously consider re-evaluating your friendship, especially if he's persistently clinging to these romantic notions in his noggin. If there is any indication that he's befriended you for the sole purpose of getting into a relationship with you, then if I were you I'd cut my losses, especially if he asked you out a particularly LONG while ago.

I'm guessing you value his friendship a lot, though, based on your post. Either way, he's going to need some space. Try not to feel guilty though, because it is 100% not your fault he doesn't seem capable of understanding you flat out telling him that you're not interested in him, or men at all, in that way. He's not taking your preferences into consideration at all, which is pretty selfish, and he's going to have to somehow realize that it's selfish if you want to continue being friends. He''ll probably have to come to terms with whether he actually, honestly, genuinely wants to be friends with you, or if he only wants you as a romantic partner, which, sad as it sounds, sometimes happens in the places you'd least expect or want it to. I hope he does genuinely want to be your friend. Losing friends like that ALWAYS sucks, especially if they're people you trust a lot.

[Great Thief Yatagarasu]

See, I get so angry at these people, and not just for the reasons I mentioned on the last post (pretty much, that if you're really friends with a person, you'd be content with that and happy that they're your friend). I get angry because the few times I've asked out a friend, I've been the complete opposite of what this git is doing - when I say "I'm fine, I'm still happy with your friendship", I fucking mean it.

For example, I'm in love with a girl (this doesn't contradict me being in love with my boy, by the way). She's a great friend of mine, and unlike in the case of your friend, I did actually have a chance in that she's a lesbian. So I asked her out, and she said she wasn't looking for that kind of relationship and she was sorry. And literally, things went back to how they were. No awkwardness, no "Oh, I'm so crushed." Just "Oh, okay - that's fair enough." Just "see you at pole!". Just friendship. True, I still love her, and if she sits next to me in class I have to fight off the urge to lean over and give her a hug or a kiss...but seriously, I don't let it make me sad, or ruin our friendship by making things awkward. Keep Calm and Carry On - the English way. That's what I do.

Yes, being rejected hurts. But he's bringing it on himself. Not only did he keep a hold of hope that shouldn't have been there if he had any respect for your feelings, but he's decided to throw an obvious strop about it. He's rubbing it in that you should apparently feel bad, he's doing his best to make you the villain, and that's really shitty of him. And you should absolutely tell him so, because while he probably isn't a tool (if he were a complete tool, you wouldn't be friends with him), he's sure as hell behaving like one in regards to you rejecting him. He needs to move on already and stop making you feel like shit.