Can Asexuals desire a relationship?

[MaskedRorschach]

Throughout the last few months, I've seen many of my friends go through relationships and hookups. Possibly more than is safe or reasonable. I think, especially being a fraternity man, I've quickly learned it's almost expected that you have a ridiculous amount of relationships and sex. Both of which I find completely ridiculous.

At the same time, I am wondering if I should date again. I'm incredibly scared of revealing my sexuality to someone whom I just met, or might want to take things further. I can already forsee the topic coming up if the girl wants to "get it on".

I'd want to find someone (a woman) who can appreciate me for who I am, but also someone that understands you don't need to have sex daily/ weekly to have a good relationship.

I'd like your input. The floor is open!

[Mad]

Of course asexuals can desire relationship. It's just sexual part that asexuals don't want. Besides, I'm pretty sure there is already topic similar to this.

[Annie1]

You are not alone, what you described is a problem for most of asexuals who are romantic and seek a partner.

That is the reason why I do not plan dating ever again. I would only start a relationship with a long-time friend who knows about my asexuality (we know each other very well beforehand and only then start dating). I know that I might find someone via dating, but the chances of the other person not being okay with my sexuality are so big that I will not even bother.. I think it would take hundreds and hundreds of dates to find someone this way.

So yeah, it's a regular dilemma for us, to date or not do date or how to date etc. In my oppinion your options are the following: continue dating (but not put too much hope into them), find someome via dating sites or asexual comminities or just wait for someone to come along. If you are dating, I would recommend talking about your sexuality as soon as possible. I know it is difficult, but in my oppinion will save you from bad experiences and heartache later.

I do not know if you are willing to have some sex or not. And also, some people may not agree but I think it is easier for an asexual guy to find a partner than it is for an asexual girl. Sexual guys are usually "very" sexual, it means, that for me example, there is no point to even try anything with a sexual guy since he will likely want sex once a week, several times a week etc.. But to me it seems that for sexual girls sex is not so important. It is common in sexual couples that the guy wants more sex than the girl.

So you might find a sexual girl who will actually be okay with sex happening very rarely :)

[Malice108]

I think so. I often desire intimacy but not sexuallly. I think that's called Squishing, correct me if I'm wrong. Like a crush but not in a sexual way.

Classical interpretations of relationships don't always have to be a die hard template. If you want to hold hands with somebody of your romantic preference (if you have one) there is nothing wrong with that. In my eyes anyway.

[Purnkin Spurce]

I know how you feel in that department. It feels like the whole world is expecting you to have a bunch of relationships and do lots of sexual things. Like the world can't stand your different so you have to do these things or there's something wrong. Don't feel pressured by friends or society to be in a relationship unless you truly desire one for yourself. It's ok to be picky seeing as how it's hard to find people who feel just the same as you do. It's ok to tell them at first what your sexuality is. In fact, I think it's better. That way you won't get into a relationship and the other thinks they will eventually get sex from you.

I desire a romantic relationship with someone, but I'm in no hurry to get married, settle down or be attached at the hip to them. Just want someone I can trust and be myself with who considers themselves not so sexual as well.

It's normal to desire a relationship. Just because we are not into sex, doesn't mean we all don't have emotional and romantic needs. We are human.

[Rowan9]

I'd rather just have a really affectionate relation/friendship that's committed, a cuddly life partner who will go to Venice with you.

[Aspiecat]

As other posters above have stated, it is entirely possible to desire romance and not sexual intimacy. Of course, some aces enjoy holding hands, cuddling, snuggling...and don't really consider that sexual, whereas others are repulsed by any touch and simply want the emotional and intellectual connection. Until I met my SO, I was in the latter group.

The reason why I am no longer in the "OMG no touchy, no feely" group until my SO and I met is because I am essentially demi. I always felt there was a special someone "out there" for me - whether or not we would ever meet was another story altogether. In fact, I assumed I would NEVER meet the person I could call my soul-mate; my romantic and non-sexual soul-mate. Yet I did, and it was, funnily enough, here on AVEN.

The thing with asexuals wanting a relationship that has little or no physical aspects to it is like any relationship between sexuals: it's mostly compromise and open communication, as well as willingness to sacrifice some things to make it work. Many aces - mostly younger ones who still see the world in black and white due to lack of life experience - believe that all sexuals have the same level of sexual desire within them, but of course that is wrong. Sexuals are as diverse as asexuals, because we are all, at the end of the day, individual people with individual desires, wants and needs.

There are plenty of successful ace/sexual relationships made up of extremely happy people, because of the willingness to compromise and sacrifice certain things. One needs to give PEOPLE a chance as opposed to the people in one group, as it is possible to pass right by Mr or Ms Right, simply because of assumptions made. The right person for someone who is asexual may in fact be sexual themselves, because of the emotional and intellectual connection. The sexual person might be perfectly fine with little sexual activity as they love their partner enough to sacrifice that side of things, and the asexual person might be equally fine with having sex from time to time to make their sexual partner happy.

Aspie

[Princess Ice]

In a "normal" sexual relationship sex is just one aspect. I´m a newbie so what do I know, but I have always thought sex just one side of relationship. The commitment, shared experiences and daily life, problems faced together, care and attention, shared hobbies/interests..

I don´t like the idea of spending the rest of my life alone because I don´t happen to want sex like most people want.

Friends and family are important, but friends always have their own lives and relationships... I feel right now my ideal relationship would be with someone more like a best friend. Someone that would be easy to be with, and who would care about me and want to share his life with me but who wouldn´t have any sexual requirements I´d feel obligated to satisfy.

[edude]

Speaking for myself, I do desire a relationship with the right person. I don't personally believe in marriage simply because I don't think you need a ceremony or certificate to prove you love someone. I do believe in that love however.

[KalynNicole]

I believe that having an intimate relationship is completely possible. It will be difficult while you are trying to find somebody who will not make you change who you are, but it can be done. I wish you the best and hope that you are able to find a girl that is perfect for you! :)