hereiam Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Hello, I am new here. So recently my girlfriend told me she thinks she might be asexual. I am sexual, and sex is important to me because it is how I get close and intimate to the one I love. When my girlfriend and I started dating, the sex life was great. We both enjoyed it and she initiated it a lot. It wasn't until a few months ago (we've been dating for almost a year) that the sex life started to go down. We don't have sex as much and she is not really interested. It hurts because I constantly feel it is me. I don't consider myself attractive (my girlfriend is beautiful and sexy) and it just sucks. But the thing is, I don't understand how this could happen? She loved sex! It wasn't like she just did it to please me. She had a very high sex drive. So my question is, what could have done this? I heard it could be a health thing. Could it be birth control? She was on birth control when we started dating, but she went off it for about a month. Our sex life changed at EXACTLY the same time she went off it and restarted it! That is what I'm thinking (and hoping) it is. I also think she is reading in to asexuality too much and she is freaking herself out. Even on the rare occasions we have sex, she does take pleasure in it. She reaches an orgasm and it feels good. She just doesn't feel like initiating it. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
Lia Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 Having a sex drive (or not) is not an indicator of asexuality. Many asexuals have a high libedo. And some even enjoy having sex. Usually it's the lack of sexual attraction to people in general that describes asexuality, so her label of asexual for herself may always have been asexual and she's just now discovering it. That said, if she's experienced a very steep and drastic change in her drive, she may want to consult a doctor to be sure it's not a health related change. Link to post Share on other sites
Opel the Old Posted October 24, 2012 Share Posted October 24, 2012 As we know, birth control affects hormones. If you are linking the birth control with the change in sex drive, it could be a potential reason. if it is a cause of concern, you two should consult a doctor, however if she disagrees, you really could not haul her to a doctor. hormones, sex drives naturally fluctuate, would it just be a low tide, and her bodies would sort it out in a few months time? similar to Lia said, some people use 'asexuality' to describe the low sex drive they may experience, but sexuality/asexuality is also a fluid concept. dont get too bogged down by a term/label. she is the master of her own body, you could only work with her. Link to post Share on other sites
homosapien15 Posted October 28, 2012 Share Posted October 28, 2012 Hello, I am new here. So recently my girlfriend told me she thinks she might be asexual. I am sexual, and sex is important to me because it is how I get close and intimate to the one I love. When my girlfriend and I started dating, the sex life was great. We both enjoyed it and she initiated it a lot. It wasn't until a few months ago (we've been dating for almost a year) that the sex life started to go down. We don't have sex as much and she is not really interested. It hurts because I constantly feel it is me. I don't consider myself attractive (my girlfriend is beautiful and sexy) and it just sucks. But the thing is, I don't understand how this could happen? She loved sex! It wasn't like she just did it to please me. She had a very high sex drive. So my question is, what could have done this? I heard it could be a health thing. Could it be birth control? She was on birth control when we started dating, but she went off it for about a month. Our sex life changed at EXACTLY the same time she went off it and restarted it! That is what I'm thinking (and hoping) it is. I also think she is reading in to asexuality too much and she is freaking herself out. Even on the rare occasions we have sex, she does take pleasure in it. She reaches an orgasm and it feels good. She just doesn't feel like initiating it. Thoughts? We have the same situation friend. My girlfriend was just as yours, and we have recently broken up, but I'm hoping for something to work out. My girlfriend switching birth control and antidepressants also coincided with drops in our sex life, but my girlfriend wouldn't consider it. I also thought maybe she read in to asexuality too much, but at the end of the day, we can't do anything about it. My girlfriend won't go to the doctor or therapist, or come with me to talk about the options. My advice, based off of my past month or two of agony, is if she doesn't consider ALL the options, break up sooner than later. The thing is, if love is really there between you two, as she claims there is between her and I, both parties should be working towards resolution. You should give her some space, and be respectful of her not wanting sex for awhile, but she should be open and direct with you, and answer your questions by talking to the doctor. If you want to talk more with me, feel free to PM me. I mean, you pretty much EXACTLY described my situation, and I'm more than willing to be as helpful to you as others here have been to me. Link to post Share on other sites
leone12 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 By looking at your problem, i may advice you to talk to your girlfriend personally. It might happen that she would have lost interest in sex with you or she has got some other man in her life. The best way to solve this problem is to ask your girlfriend regarding the difficulty in having sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
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