Category of 'unusual' relationships?

[Standards]

I've got this theory. It's a theory that if I can't - and don't want to, to be honest - love like other people love (you know, romantically or sexually and all that stuff), I end up having, or wanting, what can only be described as 'unusual' relationships with people. Like, say I can love someone and care about them and miss them and think about them A LOT but for anyone looking at the way I feel about that person, it just doesn't fit into a category. They're not a friend or family or a partner in any sense. It's like I've made my own category; like the relationship terms out there just don't fit the way I am and the way I feel about people in the world (even my family, who I don't feel close to in the same way that other people express how close they are).

Does anyone else experience this? It's almost like whatever it is that people get out of relationships is expressed in a different way in my life. A totally different way. I'm not sure if this means that this relationship replaces a need for something more and something 'normal' (which is weird) or whether it's entirely different...it doesn't replace...it just 'is'. It's weird to think of it the first way because if that relationship wasn't there, would I begin to want some kind of 'closeness'?

How is it that I can love and miss and long for, but not love like other people love?

Are we just living in a different world to the romantics and the sexuals?

Does this even make sense to anyone? Kinda hard to explain...

I've not been around much on the forums, I know...tend to read more than I post..but hello!

[lizardqueen666]

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[the-letter-a]

What you are saying makes complete sense in my world. I feel like I can never love like other people do but I can still care in my own weird little way. I also understand what you are saying about family too. I'm an aromantic and even that applies for family, I don't really need much physical connection with them which could be why I've always lacked that closeness with my own mother. Just remember, there are loads of people that are probably just the same as you, you're not alone on this.

[zoidberger]

I'd say this isn't specifically an asexual thing. I've known people as you've described and have definitely seen the idea portrayed in characters in film and books (take the character Penny Lane from Almost Famous for instance). Sounds interesting for sure, but I don't really relate much other than thinking the concept of a hippie commune would suite me well (friends/family all sort of being a part of eachother's lives unconventionally).

[Standards]

What you are saying makes complete sense in my world. I feel like I can never love like other people do but I can still care in my own weird little way. I also understand what you are saying about family too. I'm an aromantic and even that applies for family, I don't really need much physical connection with them which could be why I've always lacked that closeness with my own mother. Just remember, there are loads of people that are probably just the same as you, you're not alone on this.

Makes me so happy that people are agreeing with me :)

I definitely lack that 'closeness' with my mother, although I think that has only been the case since I was aware of my own actions (i.e. old enough to think for myself...or maybe just puberty. Whatever. 11? 12, maybe?). I'm 21 now, so it's still a hell of a long time.

Thing is, I can think of someone who I am possibly closer to than my mother (no hard feelings against my mum though...) but I wouldn't really know how to define that relationship. I can imagine accepting some 'closeness' by way of the things I should be able to give/accept from my mum - longer hugs, just in general a bit more affection - and I imagine it would be okay, even something I might like (major thing to admit for me). But that doesn't mean I am attracted to this person (no way at all) or want a relationship which would be inside the realm of couples. I definitely care in my own weird little way! But I don't like the idea that this weird way may be scary for people I do feel this way about...I feel like I have to explain that I care and love them but not in the way other people do. I think that's enough to make some people lurch back and say 'hold on, this isn't making sense to me.'

[Kallan]

Totally there, fortunately I've got people that are ok having these unusual relationships with me. But in the past I've had people pull away from me because it's weird to them.

[Standards]

I'd say this isn't specifically an asexual thing. I've known people as you've described and have definitely seen the idea portrayed in characters in film and books (take the character Penny Lane from Almost Famous for instance). Sounds interesting for sure, but I don't really relate much other than thinking the concept of a hippie commune would suite me well (friends/family all sort of being a part of eachother's lives unconventionally).

Someone said I'd like the hippie way because I'm a 'free spirit', backed up by the fact that I'm asexual and aromantic and I shrug my shoulders at the idea of being constantly attached to a guy or girl and thinking of them sexually. But the hippie way = free love! I mean, don't get me wrong and all - I love the fact that there's no pressure, formalities are rejected and there's no big deal made out of relationships or sex - but the concept puts a massive emphasis on sex as the done thing, and love (romantic love) as a fundamental aspect of life. Think I'd be an even bigger outcast there than I am in the main society. But if you're talking about being part of everyone's lives then I guess cohabitation in general? Yeah, that would be cool. In a way it would put more of an emphasis on relationships and having kids because it makes these things so open. But then, it would get rid of formalities and boundaries of platonic relationships and definitions of relationships, and of what's appropriate and what's not in different contexts. Yeah, that would be so much better. So much less confusing.

Also, film and book-wise, I see those as relationships which aren't really possible in real life. They make sense in the context of the story, but in real life...maybe not. Or maybe I just can't relate whatever I do understand about how relationships work to my life. That's probably the case.

[Standards]

But in the past I've had people pull away from me because it's weird to them.

That's what I'm worried about. Out of interest, can you/how do you define an unusual relationship? Is it just one which doesn't fit into categories?

[Wobot]

I'm pretty sure those are considered queerplatonic relationships, if you want a word for it.

I'm like that with my best friend though. We're closer than family, but we don't have a romantic/sexual relationship at all. We just love each other a lot. Plus, I'm his favorite person to cuddle with, even more so than his boyfriend. Oh, and he's sexual, so it's not just limited to aces.

[Standards]

I'm pretty sure those are considered queerplatonic relationships, if you want a word for it.

I'm like that with my best friend though. We're closer than family, but we don't have a romantic/sexual relationship at all. We just love each other a lot. Plus, I'm his favorite person to cuddle with, even more so than his boyfriend. Oh, and he's sexual, so it's not just limited to aces.

Ah, cool, so it is something a lot of people have!

[the-letter-a]

What you are saying makes complete sense in my world. I feel like I can never love like other people do but I can still care in my own weird little way. I also understand what you are saying about family too. I'm an aromantic and even that applies for family, I don't really need much physical connection with them which could be why I've always lacked that closeness with my own mother. Just remember, there are loads of people that are probably just the same as you, you're not alone on this.

Makes me so happy that people are agreeing with me :)

I definitely lack that 'closeness' with my mother, although I think that has only been the case since I was aware of my own actions (i.e. old enough to think for myself...or maybe just puberty. Whatever. 11? 12, maybe?). I'm 21 now, so it's still a hell of a long time.

Thing is, I can think of someone who I am possibly closer to than my mother (no hard feelings against my mum though...) but I wouldn't really know how to define that relationship. I can imagine accepting some 'closeness' by way of the things I should be able to give/accept from my mum - longer hugs, just in general a bit more affection - and I imagine it would be okay, even something I might like (major thing to admit for me). But that doesn't mean I am attracted to this person (no way at all) or want a relationship which would be inside the realm of couples. I definitely care in my own weird little way! But I don't like the idea that this weird way may be scary for people I do feel this way about...I feel like I have to explain that I care and love them but not in the way other people do. I think that's enough to make some people lurch back and say 'hold on, this isn't making sense to me.'

I also feel the same need to explain that I do care because people just take my behaviour the wrong way. It's kind of frustrating sometimes because not everyone can be understanding and some are really judgmental.

[Standards]

I also feel the same need to explain that I do care because people just take my behaviour the wrong way. It's kind of frustrating sometimes because not everyone can be understanding and some are really judgmental.

Yeah, I've thought about it this way: to people who are sexual and romantic and affectionate, the world looks one way. People's emotions can only be represented through, say, touch, whereas some of us will use words, or just don't feel a need to express anything at all. To them, nothing else makes sense, in the same way that their need to give and receive kisses and cuddles from us just doesn't make sense...because why would you need to? But people who aren't majorities tend to judge less than those who have the confidence that they are 'normal' (i.e. like the average person in the population).

For me though...well, I rate my platonic relationships differently...I mean, I care about my family, sure. But I don't feel close to them. I don't associate the word 'love' with them either. Maybe my mum's moaning at me in the past (she's stopped now and seems to have accepted me...which is nice :) ) for how apparently if I don't say that I love people and don't offer affection it's on purpose, or I really don't love them...maybe that rubbed off on me or something...meh, I don't know

Do you think that, on some level - maybe not as much as others talk about - there is a human need for something? Some form of companionship? Some form of....something? When I ask people why they want to get married eventually, or just to have a long-term partner, they say that it's partly because they don't want to feel lonely. They can't stand the thought of being elderly and alone. That made me quite cynical, because relationships are not the only solution to that. But maybe, like I said above, if I can't love like other people love, and I can't give affection above a hug because I don't connect with its purpose, I end up finding myself feeling close to people who I wouldn't otherwise be close to. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, and people who aren't asexual have find themselves in these kind of relationships too, but even so it seems like my weird expression of 'closeness' can be explained by the fact that I neither want to nor can fulfil whatever this need is elsewhere. It's not sexual, it's not romantic...I guess it's just trust, or a will to care. I still think that humans are meant to be independent, though. Partnership, if you look through history, just seems to be practical. Go all the way back to when we were hunting and risked being hunted by animals...it was safer to have a family, right? It's how animals survive in the wild. But as much as I love the wild, we're not in the wild any more. So partnership - at least the sexual side, and romance too I imagine - is just something which has stuck. If we were in the wild, I reckon I'd grab a friend.

Hope I'm not repeating/confusing things here. I tend to do that when I'm not sure what I think about something. :redface:

[the-letter-a]

Yeah, I've thought about it this way: to people who are sexual and romantic and affectionate, the world looks one way. People's emotions can only be represented through, say, touch, whereas some of us will use words, or just don't feel a need to express anything at all. To them, nothing else makes sense, in the same way that their need to give and receive kisses and cuddles from us just doesn't make sense...because why would you need to? But people who aren't majorities tend to judge less than those who have the confidence that they are 'normal' (i.e. like the average person in the population).

For me though...well, I rate my platonic relationships differently...I mean, I care about my family, sure. But I don't feel close to them. I don't associate the word 'love' with them either. Maybe my mum's moaning at me in the past (she's stopped now and seems to have accepted me...which is nice :) ) for how apparently if I don't say that I love people and don't offer affection it's on purpose, or I really don't love them...maybe that rubbed off on me or something...meh, I don't know

Do you think that, on some level - maybe not as much as others talk about - there is a human need for something? Some form of companionship? Some form of....something? When I ask people why they want to get married eventually, or just to have a long-term partner, they say that it's partly because they don't want to feel lonely. They can't stand the thought of being elderly and alone. That made me quite cynical, because relationships are not the only solution to that. But maybe, like I said above, if I can't love like other people love, and I can't give affection above a hug because I don't connect with its purpose, I end up finding myself feeling close to people who I wouldn't otherwise be close to. It's nice to know that I'm not alone, and people who aren't asexual have find themselves in these kind of relationships too, but even so it seems like my weird expression of 'closeness' can be explained by the fact that I neither want to nor can fulfil whatever this need is elsewhere. It's not sexual, it's not romantic...I guess it's just trust, or a will to care. I still think that humans are meant to be independent, though. Partnership, if you look through history, just seems to be practical. Go all the way back to when we were hunting and risked being hunted by animals...it was safer to have a family, right? It's how animals survive in the wild. But as much as I love the wild, we're not in the wild any more. So partnership - at least the sexual side, and romance too I imagine - is just something which has stuck. If we were in the wild, I reckon I'd grab a friend.

Hope I'm not repeating/confusing things here. I tend to do that when I'm not sure what I think about something. :redface:

Damn, you just take the thoughts straight out of my head! I feel the exact same way with my family, I've never really told them "I love you" or shown much affection. I'm actually jealous that your mum has accepted you. I've never been close to my mother even when I was younger and she doesn't know much about me to be honest although I do try telling her once in a while but she doesn't listen and I always get the feeling that she wants me to become someone else.

I don't want to ever get married and I would prefer being completely independent when I'm older. I want to work for myself and just live the life I want to without any drama from relationships. If there comes a time when someone does come along who I actually want to be with then I'll just deal with it then and there but I'm not making relationships a priority. I also struggle with anything more than a hug and even when I do it's just sort of a pat on the back. I just don't feel like connection when hugging someone at all.

I do agree with you about how partnership ensured safety back then which has somehow stuck to modern society. I know a few people that continuously go from one relationship to another and hardly ever stay single, even if the relationship is a bad one and I always got the feeling that it has something to do with instinct. Maybe it also links to the idea of choosing a suitable mate to reproduce?

[Standards]

Damn, you just take the thoughts straight out of my head! I feel the exact same way with my family, I've never really told them "I love you" or shown much affection. I'm actually jealous that your mum has accepted you. I've never been close to my mother even when I was younger and she doesn't know much about me to be honest although I do try telling her once in a while but she doesn't listen and I always get the feeling that she wants me to become someone else.

I don't want to ever get married and I would prefer being completely independent when I'm older. I want to work for myself and just live the life I want to without any drama from relationships. If there comes a time when someone does come along who I actually want to be with then I'll just deal with it then and there but I'm not making relationships a priority. I also struggle with anything more than a hug and even when I do it's just sort of a pat on the back. I just don't feel like connection when hugging someone at all.

I do agree with you about how partnership ensured safety back then which has somehow stuck to modern society. I know a few people that continuously go from one relationship to another and hardly ever stay single, even if the relationship is a bad one and I always got the feeling that it has something to do with instinct. Maybe it also links to the idea of choosing a suitable mate to reproduce?

Hmm. I don't agree with the whole drive to find a suitable mate thing. It just makes life seem so plastic; so fake. It goes back to Descartes, I guess. What's the point of having the ability to think if your body is just going to go ahead and operate the way it was designed?

I also know a few people who leap through relationships, but I haven't understood that yet. I can stand there asking my friends how they can go to a place, know if they want to have a relationship with someone, and then immediately start asking about the next phrase of the relationship. To me, and this may sound harsh, all I can see is a drive to not be lonely...or a drive to want someone there...I don't know. None of these explain it fully. I'm not sure that historically it was instinct which drove people together. It may have been a concious decision of 'hey, we're gonna die in the wild if we don't go as a group.'

I totally agree with you about relationships. The only difference is that I can see that I can develop some form of (unusual) care and love for people if that develops in unusual circumstances. I don't want to lose the ones I care for. But I'm a little worried that, if this unusual caring can just crop up on me, it might be possible that I will consciously want some form of a relationship someday. Yes, I'll deal with it when it comes...but I know that this, right here, right now, is who I am, and I can see it fitting for the rest of my life. I don't want a change to creep up on me.

I love independence. I'm a 'free spirit', so I'm told. I think it's the way to be :D .

My mum said to me recently, 'you do surprise me sometimes. But then, I never have understood you.' Um, thanks

My family do not know that I'm asexual or aromantic. In fact, while the questions have stopped for the time being (cue me speaking to soon, and the next family occasion or phone call from the grandparents...), I reckon they either think I'm not interested for the time being, and will just be late at it all, or I'm lesbian or something! lol! It would make me laugh if they think that! Anyway, I don't plan on telling them I'm asexual, unless it comes out if I'm too comfortable in a conversation. I reckon my mum would frown, look confused, shake her head and say 'oh', and then mutter something which confirms she is sure I will a) change, or b) there is no such thing. If I began to explain it she would probably say 'phew. That's deep,' in other words:

My dad and brothers would probably laugh it off and come out with a sarky comment. The grandparents on my mum's side would take it very seriously and attempt to lecture me. No idea what the grandma on my dad's side would say. She might think it was a cool modern phase. Note the word 'phase'...! So, none of this is necessary. To them, if they think I'm not interested for now then they can keep thinking it. Sure, there is a chance I might change. I don't want that to happen so I'd rather not talk about it. But if I do change, it won't be a big deal because I wouldn't have made a big deal about not wanting it in the first place. If I don't, then for the next five-seven years they may just think something is about to change...or that I'm keeping someone secret! When I'm 30, and they realise nothing's happening in that sphere of life with me, I'll tell them why. I'm 21, so there's a long way to go yet. Here's hoping I don't change, even if it's just to put a point out there somewhere that we don't all want to cuddle, kiss, get married, have sex, and have kids! What did Thoreau say - 'The life which men praise and regard as successful is but one kind.'

Quote him to your parents!

By the way, my mum was nagging me for ages about not giving her affection...and then one day she just stopped. It might have been because I didn't make an obvious grimace any more when she gave me affection...I just stand there now and accept it. I will put my arm around my parents if they so wish, but only to avoid an argument in which I wouldn't know what to say. Sometimes it is awkward to not have a hug when saying hello and bye to friends, but to just stand there instead, so I'm fine with that. I'm not so good at knowing for certain when someone is expected a hug, though. I used to know someone who would make clear gestures whenever I saw him. If he wanted the hello kiss on the cheek, he'd point. If he wanted a hug he'd open his arms. I don't know if he did it just for me, as if he knew that I wasn't sure about all that, but he was a genius!

Have you read much on Chris McCandless? He started off seeking freedom, and saying that we don't need relationships with people to be happy. His original quotes are hard to find though...especially as he quoted others so much. But before he died he wrote that happiness is only real when shared. I wish I could meet him and learn what he meant, and what he had learnt. I believe in living free. I think that all the attention on relationships is driven by people who take life too seriously. I can understand if they are having fun, or doing it because they enjoy it, but sometimes I just think that people need to chill out. And in a way, I wonder, what room have we for love, when it is love which will come to own us, and take all the good that we could have given away from us until we are preoccupied? Not saying I want to stop caring about those who I care about, but I do wonder...

[the-letter-a]

Hmm. I don't agree with the whole drive to find a suitable mate thing. It just makes life seem so plastic; so fake. It goes back to Descartes, I guess. What's the point of having the ability to think if your body is just going to go ahead and operate the way it was designed?

I also know a few people who leap through relationships, but I haven't understood that yet. I can stand there asking my friends how they can go to a place, know if they want to have a relationship with someone, and then immediately start asking about the next phrase of the relationship. To me, and this may sound harsh, all I can see is a drive to not be lonely...or a drive to want someone there...I don't know. None of these explain it fully. I'm not sure that historically it was instinct which drove people together. It may have been a concious decision of 'hey, we're gonna die in the wild if we don't go as a group.'

I totally agree with you about relationships. The only difference is that I can see that I can develop some form of (unusual) care and love for people if that develops in unusual circumstances. I don't want to lose the ones I care for. But I'm a little worried that, if this unusual caring can just crop up on me, it might be possible that I will consciously want some form of a relationship someday. Yes, I'll deal with it when it comes...but I know that this, right here, right now, is who I am, and I can see it fitting for the rest of my life. I don't want a change to creep up on me.

I love independence. I'm a 'free spirit', so I'm told. I think it's the way to be :D .

My mum said to me recently, 'you do surprise me sometimes. But then, I never have understood you.' Um, thanks

My family do not know that I'm asexual or aromantic. In fact, while the questions have stopped for the time being (cue me speaking to soon, and the next family occasion or phone call from the grandparents...), I reckon they either think I'm not interested for the time being, and will just be late at it all, or I'm lesbian or something! lol! It would make me laugh if they think that! Anyway, I don't plan on telling them I'm asexual, unless it comes out if I'm too comfortable in a conversation. I reckon my mum would frown, look confused, shake her head and say 'oh', and then mutter something which confirms she is sure I will a) change, or b) there is no such thing. If I began to explain it she would probably say 'phew. That's deep,' in other words:

My dad and brothers would probably laugh it off and come out with a sarky comment. The grandparents on my mum's side would take it very seriously and attempt to lecture me. No idea what the grandma on my dad's side would say. She might think it was a cool modern phase. Note the word 'phase'...! So, none of this is necessary. To them, if they think I'm not interested for now then they can keep thinking it. Sure, there is a chance I might change. I don't want that to happen so I'd rather not talk about it. But if I do change, it won't be a big deal because I wouldn't have made a big deal about not wanting it in the first place. If I don't, then for the next five-seven years they may just think something is about to change...or that I'm keeping someone secret! When I'm 30, and they realise nothing's happening in that sphere of life with me, I'll tell them why. I'm 21, so there's a long way to go yet. Here's hoping I don't change, even if it's just to put a point out there somewhere that we don't all want to cuddle, kiss, get married, have sex, and have kids! What did Thoreau say - 'The life which men praise and regard as successful is but one kind.'

Quote him to your parents!

By the way, my mum was nagging me for ages about not giving her affection...and then one day she just stopped. It might have been because I didn't make an obvious grimace any more when she gave me affection...I just stand there now and accept it. I will put my arm around my parents if they so wish, but only to avoid an argument in which I wouldn't know what to say. Sometimes it is awkward to not have a hug when saying hello and bye to friends, but to just stand there instead, so I'm fine with that. I'm not so good at knowing for certain when someone is expected a hug, though. I used to know someone who would make clear gestures whenever I saw him. If he wanted the hello kiss on the cheek, he'd point. If he wanted a hug he'd open his arms. I don't know if he did it just for me, as if he knew that I wasn't sure about all that, but he was a genius!

Have you read much on Chris McCandless? He started off seeking freedom, and saying that we don't need relationships with people to be happy. His original quotes are hard to find though...especially as he quoted others so much. But before he died he wrote that happiness is only real when shared. I wish I could meet him and learn what he meant, and what he had learnt. I believe in living free. I think that all the attention on relationships is driven by people who take life too seriously. I can understand if they are having fun, or doing it because they enjoy it, but sometimes I just think that people need to chill out. And in a way, I wonder, what room have we for love, when it is love which will come to own us, and take all the good that we could have given away from us until we are preoccupied? Not saying I want to stop caring about those who I care about, but I do wonder...

My dad actually asked my mother if I was lesbian at one point, but I think he was just curious cause that was when I drastically changed my appearance. He has always supported me when I said I want to be independent and that I don't need to have someone to lean on so that's good.

Plus, I think that guy with the gestures is a genius like you said. If more people did that then I wouldn't feel so awkward that I'm not showing much affection. I only really hug my friend Danie who I've known since primary. I see her almost everyday now so I feel fine with wrapping my arms around her, even though it's quite loosely. When I meet new people sometimes they'd ask if I want a hug since they were hugging all my other friends and my friends would just say something like "She's doesn't like to hug" which works out quite well so I don't feel bad rejecting even a simple gesture. I think it was one or two weeks ago, I hugged my friend Suzi for the first time and her reaction was just like Penny's when Sheldon hugged her haha. I don't think I've even heard of Chris McCandless, I hardly even read but I will google him or something :)

I do understand what you mean by how love will come to own us. It does seem that when some people are in relationships they sort of forget everything else. People might say that they're in their honeymoon phase or whatever but I can't understand how anyone can just let relationships overcome everything else. I don't even think I have room for relationships anyway since I'm the sort that whats to travel the world and do everything they possibly can.

[Standards]

My dad actually asked my mother if I was lesbian at one point, but I think he was just curious cause that was when I drastically changed my appearance. He has always supported me when I said I want to be independent and that I don't need to have someone to lean on so that's good.

Plus, I think that guy with the gestures is a genius like you said. If more people did that then I wouldn't feel so awkward that I'm not showing much affection. I only really hug my friend Danie who I've known since primary. I see her almost everyday now so I feel fine with wrapping my arms around her, even though it's quite loosely. When I meet new people sometimes they'd ask if I want a hug since they were hugging all my other friends and my friends would just say something like "She's doesn't like to hug" which works out quite well so I don't feel bad rejecting even a simple gesture. I think it was one or two weeks ago, I hugged my friend Suzi for the first time and her reaction was just like Penny's when Sheldon hugged her haha. I don't think I've even heard of Chris McCandless, I hardly even read but I will google him or something :)

I do understand what you mean by how love will come to own us. It does seem that when some people are in relationships they sort of forget everything else. People might say that they're in their honeymoon phase or whatever but I can't understand how anyone can just let relationships overcome everything else. I don't even think I have room for relationships anyway since I'm the sort that whats to travel the world and do everything they possibly can.

Wow, that is good about your dad. My parents support the fact that I'm independent...but I'm not sure they've figured that means without people...!

My friends used to speak for me like that and say that I didn't like hugs. Like you, I accepted it. Now some people say they can tell when they see me...I guess it's because I'm not jumping forth with my arms wide. I'm perfectly fine with hugs now, but when I meet someone else who is a little awkward when it comes to hugs...or someone who just thinks that I don't like them, I don't do anything. Had this awkward situation where I saw one friend I hadn't seen in ages and we kind of almost went for a hug and then didn't, and just spoke, and then another friend came along with his arms out and I went for the hug then. Hope the first friend didn't think it was anything personal!

Yeah, it just seems like people get into serious relationships and then close the door on others. They have a family, and all of a sudden they forget about everyone they know. I don't think it needs to be that way.

I'm weary of people telling me that I'll want to slow down eventually if I say I don't have room for relationships. But I think that you should get as much as you can out of life, and like Thoreau said, there's more than one way to do that. You should also give as much as you can, and we don't all give in the same way.

[Kitty Spoon Train]

I think I know what you're getting at, sort of.

I'm not fully asexual (I'm demisexual but pretty far towards the ace end), but what I desire out of relationships tends to be extremely personalised and unconventional. Often there is just no clear label - especially on the Friendship vs Romance spectrum.

eg. My most common form of desired relationship with a person (assuming a "dating" type attraction here) is something that falls in-between being "just" friends and "romantic" in the usual sense. I tend to label this "cuddle buddy" or "romantic friendship". But in the mainstream world, it's not really understood and is annoyingly in-between: too physical and touchy feely for purely platonic friendship, and too nonexclusive and inadequate for what people expect from standard dating-relationships - and how they're supposed to progress and function.

(I've recently officially given up trying to be "normal" or "usual" in any way, shape or form.)

[Standards]

But in the mainstream world, it's not really understood and is annoyingly in-between: too physical and touchy feely for purely platonic friendship, and too nonexclusive and inadequate for what people expect from standard dating-relationships - and how they're supposed to progress and function.

(I've recently officially given up trying to be "normal" or "usual" in any way, shape or form.)

Okay, I think I'm kind of the same. I don't go any where near romance, but I think unless I explain myself carefully, people will see me as being pretty close to it. I agree...there are no categories which I fit into. I make up my own!

[Alphaprocess]

I seem to have a Partner Without Benefits. Not my idea I can assure you.

[the-letter-a]

I'm weary of people telling me that I'll want to slow down eventually if I say I don't have room for relationships. But I think that you should get as much as you can out of life, and like Thoreau said, there's more than one way to do that. You should also give as much as you can, and we don't all give in the same way.

I've had people tell me things that are similar to that, that I will eventually slow down. Although, even if I do I still can't imagine myself in a relationship and will most than likely be spending my free time running around trying to find the wonders of the universe. I agree about getting as much as you can out of life and I don't think spending so much time on another person is worth it right now. There's another reason why I don't want to be in a relationship and that's because of who I am. I know I won't be able to give that person as much attention as they'd probably like and I can't do that to a person, it would just be like stringing someone along. It would be completely unfair to that person.

[Standards]

I'm weary of people telling me that I'll want to slow down eventually if I say I don't have room for relationships. But I think that you should get as much as you can out of life, and like Thoreau said, there's more than one way to do that. You should also give as much as you can, and we don't all give in the same way.

I've had people tell me things that are similar to that, that I will eventually slow down. Although, even if I do I still can't imagine myself in a relationship and will most than likely be spending my free time running around trying to find the wonders of the universe. I agree about getting as much as you can out of life and I don't think spending so much time on another person is worth it right now. There's another reason why I don't want to be in a relationship and that's because of who I am. I know I won't be able to give that person as much attention as they'd probably like and I can't do that to a person, it would just be like stringing someone along. It would be completely unfair to that person.

Yeah, I agree. Like if I ever wanted to find out or something..if I was curious about what it's like to do that kind of stuff (because sometimes it seems like people go through the list of finding someone, dating, and all the stuff attached to it 'just because'...because it's 'the way you do things,' or something), or if someone told me that it was an experience of life I was missing out on, I wouldn't go about doing it because I know that nothing will come of it. That would probably make the other person more confused than me! I don't want to see that side of life though. Not every experience is for everyone.

[the-letter-a]

Not every experience is for everyone.

Yep, I definitely agree with that. I've tried relationships before and I've always felt uncomfortable but I had no way of explaining it so I kind of just ran and then people ended up calling me morbid <_<

[Standards]

Not every experience is for everyone.

Yep, I definitely agree with that. I've tried relationships before and I've always felt uncomfortable but I had no way of explaining it so I kind of just ran and then people ended up calling me morbid <_<

Harsh