I'm not crazy

[Evenstar71]

I think guys are cute, Case in point, I have had a mad crush on Johnny Depp since he was in 21 Jump Street a million years ago- but that never translated to a sexual desire. My few loves have been more like school girl crushes. Puppy love. It is quite confusing and it feels embarrassing, in a way. I have been married 16 years and it is now ending because I am not willing to perform sexually. My marriage counselor has a hard time understanding or believing that asexuality is a legitimate orientation, but more that I am repressed or acting in defense of trauma. Whatever. I feel like I am finally being honest and authentic- and true- I am not willing to change or conform. I've done that for 16 years already. For years I have been trying to "fix" what was wrong with me, for the sake of my children, and for my want for them to have an intact family. I finally feel relief. I am so glad to know that I am not alone, even though I feel alone.

[dino-saw]

I'm glad you feel better :)

you seem like a strong person from this post, so good for you :)

[Kaniner]

I absolutely agree with the OP 100%. You shouldn't have to hide and pretend for so many years, I'm really glad you feel more comfortable with yourself now. If your counselor doesn't accept what you're telling him and try to work with you in an effective way, stop going to him. It's clearly not working with him, so ask for a recommendation for someone else or look for someone more accepting on your own.

I also really admire your dedication to your family. I wish I could have a happy answer that would solve everything, but I don't. The best I can say is communication is really what's going to help. I really hope things can work out for you, and again, I'm glad you're feeling more comfortable with yourself, and hopefully in some way less alone knowing we're here.