Unsure on what to do about this asexual I know

[KKBKSRKLH1]

I'm an open lesbian and I have a friend who I've known for over 2 years. A couple of months ago I was the first person she told that she was asexual and she got really worried that I wouldn't accept her for who she was but obviously as I'm judged all the time due to being gay then I accepted her and asked her a few questions about what being asexual was because to be honest I'd never heard of it before. The next day she came out to her parents over the phone as they live in the USA where we live in the UK and I was in the room and she barely seemed scared of them accepting her or not. I was quite shocked really because the most scariest people I came out to were my parents and family members but I've been the person she was most scared about. I just dismissed it though because I thought it was just because I was the first person she told.

A couple of months ago whilst we were at work we had to share a room and she was quite, well I'm unsure on how to put it in words, but she was quite intimate, not kissing or anything on that nature but she hugged me, a lot, and was quite hands on I didn't mind, I'd broken up with my girlfriend of 9 months about 4 months prior to this and I was enjoying the attention to be quite frank.

When we got back home my birthday was a few days after this and she drove from Cornwall to my house in Manchester where she took me out for a meal and brought me quite expensive gifts then when I got home I was quite out of it because it had been a long day and I couldn't be bothered to fix her up a bed so I told her she could sleep in my bed and I'd sleep on the floor, she insisted that I join her because she'd feel bad so we both got into my bed and she fell asleep in my arms, I started to get kind of a bit weirded out because this was what my ex had done and I asked my friends if they thought she had a crush on me. They all thought she did and I was happy to just leave it at that and I didn't react or anything.

Now my friend text me today asking if I was home because she desperately needed to talk to me and it had to be in person and she sounded quite upset, I asked her if she was able to talk to anyone else because I am away on work business. She said that it concerns me and she has to see me and no one can help her because she's too ashamed to tell anyone, I told her I'd be back tomorrow and she said that she was going to be there tomorrow. She also seemed different, as a joke I always call her 'my sexy thing' and she always laughs but today she ignored my remark and then asked me if I really thought she was sexy. I was wondering if any asexuals could share their views on this and if they have ever felt this way either.

[Lucinda]

My view would be to see what transpires during your conversation tomorrow for I am not able to read her mind. Hopefully you can wait that long for your answers. :)

Lucinda

[Guest]

Just to let you know, being asexual doesn't stop someone from being romantically attracted to people. It may be she is romantically attracted to you without being sexually attracted. Or maybe she is experimenting with being sexual. Who knows? You'll probably find out when you talk to her.

[Caspian]

Hi Billie-Ingrid, welcome to AVEN :).

There are quite a wide variety of asexuals-- for instance, some asexuals enjoy romance (without sex), some could care less for romance, and some asexuals even enjoy sex for nonsexual reasons. It's really hard to tell what "type" of asexual someone else is, only your friend can tell you what she feels or doesn't.

As far as the "sexy" remark, it's also hard to tell since some asexuals may or may not enjoy being thought of as sexy.

I'm not sure if this helps at all?

[KKBKSRKLH1]

Hi Billie-Ingrid, welcome to AVEN :).

There are quite a wide variety of asexuals-- for instance, some asexuals enjoy romance (without sex), some could care less for romance, and some asexuals even enjoy sex for nonsexual reasons. It's really hard to tell what "type" of asexual someone else is, only your friend can tell you what she feels or doesn't.

As far as the "sexy" remark, it's also hard to tell since some asexuals may or may not enjoy being thought of as sexy.

I'm not sure if this helps at all?

Thanks, I think it does, I'm still not completely sure about asexuals. I know that sounds really bad of me, I only knew the basics like that they don't want sex and that their romances can be for either sex. She basically said to me 'It's like bisexuality but without the sex' that's the only way I really understood it. Thanks for helping me. I might be able to get some sleep now before I go home tomorrow morning.

[Caspian]

Yeah, there are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality since it's not very well known-- it's not your fault, kudos to you for taking the effort to understand asexuals :). For the record, I'm not asexual, despite the fact that I lack interest or desire for sex. I find girls attractive, and a certain percentage of those girls I find sexually attractive (although I have no desire to pursue a relationship with and/or sleep with anyone I find sexually attractive). The fact that there exist people who I find sexually attractive means that I'm not asexual.

When someone says they're asexual, all they mean is that they don't find anyone sexually attractive. While a large majority of asexuals don't want to have sex, some of them do desire sex. This is possible, just like it's possible for someone (like me) to experience sexual attraction with no desire for sex (i.e., the opposite of an asexual who wants to have sex).