ondreonai Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm just wondering how this works? How can I truly tell if he is? I did some research and a lot of it seems to match up. Weve had sex but I always start it and he seems whatever about it. I'm fine if hes not all that sexual, I liek him for who he is. I'm just not sure how to go about this or how it works so some insite would be awesome. If tere are any couple with an one whos asexual and one who isn't it'd be wonderful to hear from you Link to post Share on other sites
Jillianimal Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I really have no idea how to handle relationships, but if you really want to know if he's asexy or not, I imagine the best way to do it is give him the information on the topic (if he doesn't already know) & ask if it sounds like him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Girl Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 First off, hi and welcome! For sure he needs to be the one to say whether he is asexual or not. When I found this site, and thought my husband was, I read all the FAQs and did what they said to do. I don't know why what they say to do works, but it does...I think they even suggest trying to explain it in your own words to them first which I did and felt awkward, but later my husband said he appreciated it and that I did great. And when I say it works, I mean a very meaningful and more open dialogue begins to happen and you can get to the heart of the matter quickly and nearly painlessly. At least we managed to. I hope you do too!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm just wondering how this works? How can I truly tell if he is? I did some research and a lot of it seems to match up. Weve had sex but I always start it and he seems whatever about it. I'm fine if hes not all that sexual, I liek him for who he is. I'm just not sure how to go about this or how it works so some insite would be awesome. If tere are any couple with an one whos asexual and one who isn't it'd be wonderful to hear from you Look at the Front Page, ondrenoai, and read some of the stuff on this particular thread. Asexuality is generally defined as not feeling sexual attraction to other people. Some asexuals hate sex, some don't really care, and some actually don't mind/like it. The sexual attraction thing is the key. Look around, and then start a low-key discussion with him about whether he has ever felt sexually attracted to anyone. Reassure him that he can tell you the truth and you're not going to take a "no" as though he doesn't love you. That's really the important thing with this kind of discussion: assurance that the discussion can be honest with bad consequences. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 First off, hi and welcome! For sure he needs to be the one to say whether he is asexual or not. When I found this site, and thought my husband was, I read all the FAQs and did what they said to do. I don't know why what they say to do works, but it does...I think they even suggest trying to explain it in your own words to them first which I did and felt awkward, but later my husband said he appreciated it and that I did great. And when I say it works, I mean a very meaningful and more open dialogue begins to happen and you can get to the heart of the matter quickly and nearly painlessly. At least we managed to. I hope you do too!!! I strongly support this. At the end of the day, it doesn't so much matter what label he chooses to use, as long as you guys start talking honestly and learn to understand and respect each other's feelings. My partner abhors the whole "asexuality" thing. I ended up getting in big trouble for, as she called it, treating her like an asexual. But regardless, we had a lot of good talks, and AVEN really helped me understand her position. I don't feel as hurt as I used to, and I'd say that's the biggest gift I got from this site. I heard firsthand from other asexuals that, to them, sex really and truly doesn't effect the love they feel for their partners. Even though my own partner told me that, I just didn't understand (and accept it) the way I was able to once I heard about it from other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Look at the Front Page, ondrenoai, and read some of the stuff on this particular thread. Asexuality is generally defined as not feeling sexual attraction to other people. Some asexuals hate sex, some don't really care, and some actually don't mind/like it. The sexual attraction thing is the key. Look around, and then start a low-key discussion with him about whether he has ever felt sexually attracted to anyone. Reassure him that he can tell you the truth and you're not going to take a "no" as though he doesn't love you. That's really the important thing with this kind of discussion: assurance that the discussion can be honest with bad consequences. Great advice as ever, Sally. I would also suggest that you have him read something on AVEN himself. Tell him the community exists, reassure him you're okay with anything that may come, and involve him in this research. He'll surely be able to tell you better than anyone else if he's asexual or not, and what his boundaries are. :) Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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