TransWhatevers of AVEN

[999papercranes]

My mom doesn’t understand my dysphoria. She acknowledges it and does everything she can to support me in it, (I love her very much and I’m very lucky for her support) but she just doesn’t get it. I know she can’t because she’s cisgender, but I wish she would at least take my word for it.

”Why can’t you just love your body?”

”Why can’t you just accept that you were born a girl and now you’re just a guy with the body of one?” 

“Why do you need top surgery? Your chest is plenty flat.”

”Why do you need testosterone? You look plenty masculine already.”

 

I wish I could love my body. I wish I didn’t feel like breaking down every time I see some happy, beautiful soul who’s just gotten top surgery. I wish I didn’t need testosterone. I wish I could be happy with myself as I am. But I’m just... not. And I don’t know how I can help her understand that things won’t get better without these steps.

[SkyWorld]

@999papercranes One can’t make someone understand; though, it’s not impossible, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. It may or may not apply, but some cisgender people can relate to dysphoria in a different way. A ciswoman would think her body isn’t feminine enough and too masculine. And some ciswomen do go through medication to make their bodies feel more like them. Sometimes even surgeries. And some cismen could have a feminine body and not look masculine enough. Some of them too would go through medical needs to help their bodies be more masculine. Even some intersex people, depending on how they grew up and/or how they identify would go through medical and/or surgical procedures. It’s not necessarily an experience unique to trans people.

 

It may or may not help you, but how I’m trying to cope is for me to focus more on loving myself rather than other people loving and accepting me, even if that includes family. It’s your life, you only have one, and life is too short. Make the most of it. Well, still be safe, of course, that’s extremely important. Maybe someday she’d come around. And if not... well there are still many people who will always support you, no matter what.

[Mezzo Forte]

35 minutes ago, 999papercranes said:

“Why do you need top surgery? Your chest is plenty flat.”

I dealt with that a lot too. I think some people didn't realize I was wearing compression and just thought I was already had a masculine chest. Definitely doesn't undo the dysphoria, and I'm sorry that your mom is having such a hard time wrapping her mind around the concept.

[999papercranes]

46 minutes ago, SkyWorld said:

@999papercranes One can’t make someone understand; though, it’s not impossible, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. It may or may not apply, but some cisgender people can relate to dysphoria in a different way. A ciswoman would think her body isn’t feminine enough and too masculine. And some ciswomen do go through medication to make their bodies feel more like them. Sometimes even surgeries. And some cismen could have a feminine body and not look masculine enough. Some of them too would go through medical needs to help their bodies be more masculine. Even some intersex people, depending on how they grew up and/or how they identify would go through medical and/or surgical procedures. It’s not necessarily an experience unique to trans people.

 

It may or may not help you, but how I’m trying to cope is for me to focus more on loving myself rather than other people loving and accepting me, even if that includes family. It’s your life, you only have one, and life is too short. Make the most of it. Well, still be safe, of course, that’s extremely important. Maybe someday she’d come around. And if not... well there are still many people who will always support you, no matter what.

 

34 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I dealt with that a lot too. I think some people didn't realize I was wearing compression and just thought I was already had a masculine chest. Definitely doesn't undo the dysphoria, and I'm sorry that your mom is having such a hard time wrapping her mind around the concept.

Thank you for your kind words <3

I think that’s a good point, @SkyWorld. Some cis people do experience dysphoria, and I completely forgot about that. My mother recently overcame breast cancer and received a unilateral mastectomy due to it, and she just had breast construction done a few months ago. I suppose I could compare my experiences to hers. (How she felt reconstruction was necessary, etc.) 

@Mezzo Forte Yeah, people definitely don’t realize that I’m not as flat chested as I appear. My mom asked one day if I was binding, and I replied that I wasn’t. She told me my chest looked flat and I told her it was because I was hunching my shoulders so much(poor posture is trans man culture ) and I was wearing a too-small sports bra. She disapproved of my poor posture, but hey, nothing $7k can’t fix! 

[Mezzo Forte]

Just now, 999papercranes said:

poor posture is trans man culture 

Amen to that! Top surgery is the best thing that could have ever happened to my posture

[SkyWorld]

@999papercranes @Mezzo Forte I’m still seriously considering top surgery, but I’m mostly leaning towards going for it. The biggest problem for me would be actually having the money and coverage for it. Not sure if my insurance would cover it and how much (and the sooner the better since my insurance is under my mom’s name). I’ve researched into it, and learned that the procedure is more successful if the surgeon had less fat and more muscle tissue to deal with. Yet another of many reasons to build more muscle.

 

I hate every time I’d look in the mirror and see my chest... I hate how mentally and physically uncomfortable they make me. I even feel like binding isn’t enough because I have a fairly average-large bust. But I do it anyway because wearing a bra would just make it worse. My mom and grandma would complain about me flattening my chest, but I try not to take it to heart. It’s my body. It’s what’s working for me and helping me be more comfortable with my body. I fail to understand what’s so wrong with that. Or at least people could just mind their own business.

[Finn.]

 

Talked to my mom, she said the next time she uses the wrong name I should tell her immediately because she "doesn't notice", but that she doesn't do it deliberately. She said she doesn't like saying that name anymore too. Oh, and she said I shouldn't have sent such a "dumb text message" about it. So yeah, great mixed message here, the usual.

 

I wore colored eyeliner this week at work. The kids were really confused, it was kinda funny. It felt nice so I might wear eyeliner on the regular now.

 

I casually talked about top surgery with my bff. Apparently I never told her that one of the main reasons I won't do it is dissociation. But yeah, maybe a breast reduction at some point, to like a B cup. It's kinda weird to talk about this with her since she wants to get a breast augmentation, she's like an A cup. We got opposite issues there.

[pinkroses]

hi. im new to this forum topic.  but i have been feeling gender issues. i have been thinking i might be transmasculine.  im not  sure what else to say. 

[Finn.]

2 minutes ago, pinkroses said:

hi. im new to this forum topic.  but i have been feeling gender issues. i have been thinking i might be transmasculine.  im not  sure what else to say. 

hi! feel free to talk about whatever you like!

[Kimmie.]

I keep thinking/day dreaming about how my life would have been if i was born female. Would i have my own family? Would be a mom? How would my career look like? And my social life?

[daveb]

23 minutes ago, pinkroses said:

hi. im new to this forum topic.  but i have been feeling gender issues. i have been thinking i might be transmasculine.  im not  sure what else to say. 

Welcome! Have some  !

[Guest]

@Finn. the surgeon will probaly count two size down for breast reduction surgery. They wouldn’t go from an E cup to a  A cup for example as it would look weird on your body if you’d  ended up with too small boobs (as i found out way later pre losing weight) Yay for colored eyeliner and hopefully your mom will keep on remembering your new name  

 

11 minutes ago, Kimmie. said:

I keep thinking/day dreaming about how my life would have been if i was born female. Would i have my own family? Would be a mom? How would my career look like? And my social life?

Daydreaming is the best thing ever  *Huuuugs* hopefully your dreams will come true one day! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Finn.]

21 minutes ago, Jayce said:

the surgeon will probaly count two size down for breast reduction surgery. They wouldn’t go from an E cup to a  A cup for example as it would look weird on your body if you’d  ended up with too small boobs (as i found out way later pre losing weight) Yay for colored eyeliner and hopefully your mom will keep on remembering your new name  

Yeah, I'm a D or E cup now, but they're actually not thaaaat large, it's just that I have a tiny ripcage so bra sizes are weird. A full B cup would suit me probably, and my mind could get used to it I think. Less than that, not even speaking of flat, would be like a major mental breakdown for me, I am sure.

 

Well she never *remembered* my name. She just tried not using my old one. She never, not once, said Finn. Or even just wrote it down. But yeah at least she now seem to get the.. importance of it.

[Mezzo Forte]

12 minutes ago, Finn. said:

Talked to my mom, she said the next time she uses the wrong name I should tell her immediately because she "doesn't notice", but that she doesn't do it deliberately.

That's actually a very common thing, moreso with pronouns than the name, but there were definitely people like that during my own transition. One of my professors actually forgot my preferred name once or twice, which was funny to see my professor of 6+ years have to ask "what was your name again?"

 

1 hour ago, pinkroses said:

hi. im new to this forum topic.  but i have been feeling gender issues. i have been thinking i might be transmasculine.  im not  sure what else to say. 

Welcome, this thread's pretty miscellaneous in nature. I see it as a sort of communal hangout for different gender musings, though I sometimes post about things that aren't 100% trans-related just because it's stuff I'd like to share with the community that frequents this thread.

[butterflydreams]

1 hour ago, Kimmie. said:

I keep thinking/day dreaming about how my life would have been if i was born female. Would i have my own family? Would be a mom? How would my career look like? And my social life?

It's ok to daydream about it, but don't let it consume you. It'll drive you crazy if you let it. You can still have all of those things, the path just might be more difficult. I'm walking that path right now, trying to get there. Trying to have a family, trying to be a mom, building a career, rekindling old friendships and starting new ones. You don't have to be born female to have any of that stuff as your true self. I love being able to do things as my true self now. It rocks. Maybe eventually I will have a family and I will be a mom. I certainly want to. We'll see how it all goes. You can too if you put your mind to it.

 

Random trans thought of the day, and I hope no one takes offense to it...I wish I had a period. I know it sucks, and tbh I'd probably get annoyed with it too, but you don't know what you're missing until you don't have it, and I don't have it. I guess that's kind of a form of dysphoria too. I can tell I'm missing something.

[999papercranes]

Deleted

[Emery.]

13 minutes ago, 999papercranes said:

I’m sorry.. this isn’t trans related. 

My parents aren’t home and my brother was camped outside my door blasting music to try and annoy me and I had to go upstairs and reload the dishes and he wouldn’t move so I nudged him with my shoulder. I take a few steps forward and he shoves me into the stairs so I slam onto all fours.

I swore really loudly and asked him what the hell that was for, and he said “What, I can’t fight back just because you’re a girl? Oh, don’t push me because I’m a girl! Equality! I can shove girls if I want to.”

 

I mean let’s not even talk about the dysphoria that gave me but I think there is really something wrong with him. I wish I was making this up. He scares the hell out of me. 

his reaction is totally out of proportion. Doesn't he see this?

 

can you tell the police? I mean, such decisions are always tough... I know. But I know someone whose dad beat her and her mom and they took it to the police and to the court, and he got an abolition to approach both this acquaintance and her mom nearer than a couple of metres and heance the court ruled he has to move out.

[999papercranes]

32 minutes ago, Emery. said:

his reaction is totally out of proportion. Doesn't he see this?

 

can you tell the police? I mean, such decisions are always tough... I know. But I know someone whose dad beat her and her mom and they took it to the police and to the court, and he got an abolition to approach both this acquaintance and her mom nearer than a couple of metres and heance the court ruled he has to move out.

He’s my twin brother so he’s only sixteen years old like I am. My mom thinks he may be showing early signs of schizophrenia, so if he is neuroatypical I don’t want to hold that against him. He usually only antagonizes me verbally, so it’s not too bad. I just wish we had a normal brotherly relationship. Unfortunately, I don’t think that can happen. 

Thank you for the reply

[Emery.]

4 minutes ago, 999papercranes said:

He’s my twin brother so he’s only sixteen years old like I am. My mom thinks he may be showing early signs of schizophrenia, so if he is neuroatypical I don’t want to hold that against him. He usually only antagonizes me verbally, so it’s not too bad. I just wish we had a normal brotherly relationship. Unfortunately, I don’t think that can happen. 

Thank you for the reply

I don't have schizophrenia myself, but low doses of medication are generally used to treat "early stages" of mental health conditions. Therapy helps a ton too. Did he get a proper diagnosis? It's important. Also, if he has some condition, it doesn't mean he can violate your boundaries like that. I mean the hitting you out of the blue. Verbal... unpleasant, but not impossible to ignore. I remember you already wrote something about him getting physical before. 

 

Hang in there, dude.

[Starbogen]

16 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

Random trans thought of the day, and I hope no one takes offense to it...I wish I had a period. I know it sucks, and tbh I'd probably get annoyed with it too, but you don't know what you're missing until you don't have it, and I don't have it. I guess that's kind of a form of dysphoria too. I can tell I'm missing something.

I don't think that's offensive.. Any afab person will tell you it sucks and as a trans guy it really really sucks and is very disturbing, but that's because it's one of those things that feels like it means something. To me it's one of those things with a "female" meaning (even though I know that doesn't have to necessarily be the case) so if it makes me feel like shit because that's the meaning I see in it then it makes sense a trans woman would want it because it would feel right to her.

I'm sure there are things with the opposite meaning that make trans women feel really uncomfortable but I would want it because to me it would feel right even if it was inconvenient.

[butterflydreams]

35 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

I don't think that's offensive.. Any afab person will tell you it sucks and as a trans guy it really really sucks and is very disturbing, but that's because it's one of those things that feels like it means something. To me it's one of those things with a "female" meaning (even though I know that doesn't have to necessarily be the case) so if it makes me feel like shit because that's the meaning I see in it then it makes sense a trans woman would want it because it would feel right to her.

I'm sure there are things with the opposite meaning that make trans women feel really uncomfortable but I would want it because to me it would feel right even if it was inconvenient.

Yeah, I know it would suck, but I still feel like I should have it anyway. I can imagine it would make trans guys feel like shit. I can’t really think of anything inconvenient that trans women would hate but a trans guy would love. Random erections maybe? I definitely feel like because I don’t have a period, I’m somehow less female. Again, even though there are women who don’t have periods for various reasons. Hrm, what an annoying situation. I think it’s funny when people are like, “oh, I bet she’s not a real woman because she doesn’t have and doesn’t want a period.” To me it’s really a matter of taking the good with the bad. I wish I was born female, in every way. I’m not looking to pick and choose at all.

[Starbogen]

9 hours ago, butterflydreams said:

I can’t really think of anything inconvenient that trans women would hate but a trans guy would love. Random erections maybe?

Hmm well yeah, maybe not want want but what I mean was pretty much what you said about not picking and choosing. I thought of random erections and while for a trans woman they probably feel awful I think I would just see them as an annoying but normal part of life, something that just happens and aside from being embarassing depending on where I am it'd be okay.

The other thing with the female connotations however, feels super wrong to me and not okay in any way.

[SkyWorld]

I've been trying for months to find a different job where I can feel safe to be myself. No luck... I'm really nervous because as I'm transitioning, it's more obvious and I'm really scared about what my co-workers would think. Yes, some of my co-workers are awesome and would be there for me, but I just seriously do not want to deal with any transphobia from anyone... I'm not worried about being fired for being trans though, because in their own policy they can't do that, and the union would be on their ass if they did. I just don't want to bring any attention to myself, but it's going to be inevitable. I can't quit my job until I find another, I need to still have an income. It would be easier to start a new job and have a fresh start.

 

But I'm faced with the reality that I might have to come out to my job... and that terrifies me. I've yet to experience discrimination (in regards to being trans that is, race is another issue already) and I don't want to add on to that... but it'll be inevitable until I'm far enough in transitioning to pass with stealth. Yeah, what others think about me shouldn't matter, but it does because it actually affects how they treat me as a person and I don't want to tolerate that. Does anyone have any words of advice? Did any of you had to come out at your job pre-transitioning and during/after? 

[Kimmie.]

I just read this on a Swedish news site (google translated)

Spoiler

Naturally born in the 'wrong gender'
Biologist Henrik Brändén about the process that affects the fetus: Not even at the beginning is the sex either or.

Again, the discussion has sparked over people's right to decide what gender they have. Again, cross-claims claim around what is "natural" and how it "purely biological". Again, I struggle with my hair of despair that people say things without the least idea what modern biological research really shows.
Looking at the research front about the biological aspect of genital mutilation (yes, I know, you have to read scientific overview articles in English) is it like this:

There are biological systems in the human body that affect a lot of things that are involved in reproduction and sex. Both in the abdomen and in the head.

They all begin with the same sex chromosomes, and, as a rule, a Y chromosome causes the fetus early in development to get a stronger testosterone bath than fetal without Y chromosome. But the bath is different in different individuals, and there is an overlap between those who have and do not have Y chromosome. Not even at the beginning of the process, it's all binary.

 

The strength of this bath then affects a lot of things. Down in the abdomen, it's all quite simple. A little testosterone causes you to vingina, much to get a penis. Most people (but not really everyone) get clear either or.

Up in the brain it is more complicated. In some tiny nerve clips inside the brain's oldest parts, the amount of testosterone will determine how strong two reflex arcs become. One who launches an archetypal female sexual intercourse (swelling) and one that launches archetypal male (climbing and jucking). However, here is not the question of either or, without relative forces. We all have both the reflexes.

 

In another way, and during a partially different part of fetal development, the amount of testosterone will affect the likelihood of light on men and women respectively. Much testosterone gives high likelihood of light on women, a little more likely to light on men. (Note the words "affect" and "probability." The testosterone bath is just one of several factors involved.)

In addition, much suggests that testosterone content affects a number of other brain characteristics that differ on average between the sexes, although they do not seem to be reproduced directly. For example verbal ability, ability to mentally rotate geometric figures, relative interest to people and things, and more. (Observe the words "influence" and "average." Of course, this interacts genuinely with genetic influences with the environment and socialization. There are major gender overlaps for most of these "gender dimorphous" features.)

The thing is that these different biological embellishments of genitalia and different parts of the head occur at different times, are sensitive to the levels of testosterone and are achieved through completely different mechanisms that can be influenced in various ways by both the environment and the legacy.
Therefore, the different embossments can naturally go in different directions. The biological sex is rarely quite clear. All combinations of genitalia, strength in swan / climbing reflexes, attraction to men / women and different archetypal female and male features are possible and natural. No combination is a mutation, abberation or something like that. They are just.

What the brain says to one by one's gender is simply part of one's biological embellishment. It's not a fix idea, or something "imagines". Therefore, it becomes unfortunate when Kajsa Ekis Ekman (Aftonbladet January 17) writes about self defining  gender with formulations as if it were the question of temporary whims: "choose", "identify as", "sit in the head". Without the slightest suggestion that something in the head can be as congenital and biologically embossed as the genitals that are between the legs.

 

Of course, gender does not just deal with chromosomes, testosterone baths and the biological embossing I described. Man is formed in a complicated interaction between inheritance and environment, hormones, social situation and cultural and social structures. But even when looking at the purely biological side of this with gender, it is as simple as "pure biologically there are only two sexes" or "you are either female or male." The biology behind this with sex is much more complicated than that.

Henrik Brändén
Molecular biologist and science writer

OG link: https://www.aftonbladet.se/kultur/a/3j4kr9/naturligt-vara-fodd-i-fel-kon

[Starbogen]

3 hours ago, Kimmie. said:

I just read this on a Swedish news site (google translated)

  Reveal hidden contents

Naturally born in the 'wrong gender'
Biologist Henrik Brändén about the process that affects the fetus: Not even at the beginning is the sex either or.

Again, the discussion has sparked over people's right to decide what gender they have. Again, cross-claims claim around what is "natural" and how it "purely biological". Again, I struggle with my hair of despair that people say things without the least idea what modern biological research really shows.
Looking at the research front about the biological aspect of genital mutilation (yes, I know, you have to read scientific overview articles in English) is it like this:

There are biological systems in the human body that affect a lot of things that are involved in reproduction and sex. Both in the abdomen and in the head.

They all begin with the same sex chromosomes, and, as a rule, a Y chromosome causes the fetus early in development to get a stronger testosterone bath than fetal without Y chromosome. But the bath is different in different individuals, and there is an overlap between those who have and do not have Y chromosome. Not even at the beginning of the process, it's all binary.

 

The strength of this bath then affects a lot of things. Down in the abdomen, it's all quite simple. A little testosterone causes you to vingina, much to get a penis. Most people (but not really everyone) get clear either or.

Up in the brain it is more complicated. In some tiny nerve clips inside the brain's oldest parts, the amount of testosterone will determine how strong two reflex arcs become. One who launches an archetypal female sexual intercourse (swelling) and one that launches archetypal male (climbing and jucking). However, here is not the question of either or, without relative forces. We all have both the reflexes.

 

In another way, and during a partially different part of fetal development, the amount of testosterone will affect the likelihood of light on men and women respectively. Much testosterone gives high likelihood of light on women, a little more likely to light on men. (Note the words "affect" and "probability." The testosterone bath is just one of several factors involved.)

In addition, much suggests that testosterone content affects a number of other brain characteristics that differ on average between the sexes, although they do not seem to be reproduced directly. For example verbal ability, ability to mentally rotate geometric figures, relative interest to people and things, and more. (Observe the words "influence" and "average." Of course, this interacts genuinely with genetic influences with the environment and socialization. There are major gender overlaps for most of these "gender dimorphous" features.)

The thing is that these different biological embellishments of genitalia and different parts of the head occur at different times, are sensitive to the levels of testosterone and are achieved through completely different mechanisms that can be influenced in various ways by both the environment and the legacy.
Therefore, the different embossments can naturally go in different directions. The biological sex is rarely quite clear. All combinations of genitalia, strength in swan / climbing reflexes, attraction to men / women and different archetypal female and male features are possible and natural. No combination is a mutation, abberation or something like that. They are just.

What the brain says to one by one's gender is simply part of one's biological embellishment. It's not a fix idea, or something "imagines". Therefore, it becomes unfortunate when Kajsa Ekis Ekman (Aftonbladet January 17) writes about self defining  gender with formulations as if it were the question of temporary whims: "choose", "identify as", "sit in the head". Without the slightest suggestion that something in the head can be as congenital and biologically embossed as the genitals that are between the legs.

 

Of course, gender does not just deal with chromosomes, testosterone baths and the biological embossing I described. Man is formed in a complicated interaction between inheritance and environment, hormones, social situation and cultural and social structures. But even when looking at the purely biological side of this with gender, it is as simple as "pure biologically there are only two sexes" or "you are either female or male." The biology behind this with sex is much more complicated than that.

Henrik Brändén
Molecular biologist and science writer

OG link: https://www.aftonbladet.se/kultur/a/3j4kr9/naturligt-vara-fodd-i-fel-kon

What a coincidence! Although I guess not so much since you're Swedish.. It's just that my gf, who's also Swedish if you remember, just showed me this. Though she showed me specifically the part about sexual movements. Maybe I'll try to read the original with her help.

[Kimmie.]

6 minutes ago, Starbogen said:

What a coincidence! Although I guess not so much since you're Swedish.. It's just that my gf, who's also Swedish if you remember, just showed me this. Though she showed me specifically the part about sexual movements. Maybe I'll try to read the original with her help.

Do that I had to proofread it acouple of times myself to fix some words that was completely of.

[Heart]

On ‎1‎/‎27‎/‎2018 at 10:30 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

Funny, I was actually writing a post in the Gender Positive thread about how the presentation went, but I can just mention here instead!

 

Although I have to make some big changes to meet Harvard's time restrictions (ie. literally cut it in half,) the presentation that I did give was actually very well-received and sparked some rather inspired conversation in the Q&A afterwards. In addition to a fair amount of graduate musicology students, I had six different faculty members present, one of whom showed up while on sabbatical, and they all had good commentary about ways to potentially make cuts.

 

Everyone seemed very engaged in the presentation, and this was one of the few times I didn't feel the need to roll my eyes at the "you're so brave" comments I got. (I was very nervous leading up to the presentation, especially because I was running on 30 minutes of sleep and was prepping the dang thing right until showtime.) One grad student even hugged me while thanking me for speaking on the topic, and I don't think I've ever seen that happen at these kinds of events.

 

This project is far bigger in scope than I can even begin to convey in a 20 minute presentation. Some of the faculty suggested I carve it up into several articles to publish across multiple journals actually. (Basically, use the same data, but with a different focal point per article.)

 

One thing I'm sorry to say is that I forgot to have someone record this run, but if I remember, I'll have someone tape my second practice run (coming up on Tuesday) and then I'll see if I can record the actual Harvard conference.

 

I really appreciate knowing all of this! I worry that being an international student rather than a citizen could complicate things, but a lot of the Americans I know who have actually spent a significant amount of time in Canada seem surprised when I mention my concerns. Hopefully, I'm just overthinking everything and getting worried over nothing, but I'd rather know what I'm getting into and sort through all of this ahead of time.

 

I still have my parents' insurance until I turn 26, but I don't know how that works with having US health insurance in Canada. I'll likely have to talk to my provider directly about some of that, but it'll only be a year until I have to be on my own anyways.

 

<3

How did the second run go? And I'm so glad you have such supportive faculty around you! Publishing this in multiple articles seems like a grand idea This not only adds to your resume, but it adds to visibility in the academic community. All good things!

 

On ‎1‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 2:12 PM, Finn. said:

Video resource! FTM clothing tips to help with dysphoria, mostly about top and hip dysphoria. Go follow Aaron btw, he's beautiful inside and out.

 

Other than that. I had my monthly phone call with my mom. It was nice, then she called me by the wrong name again. I sighed but didn't say anything, Afterwards I texted her to please not do that again, as it happens every time at least once. Yeah she didn't text back.

 

I started to refer to myself as Finn more. It's strange, I always avoided referring to myself by name before my name change. So it takes time getting used to it, but it feels like it helps with the name /identity thing I'm having currently. It's nice to call myself Finn.

I'm glad you texted your mom. At least now, you know you tried *hugs*

 

On ‎1‎/‎28‎/‎2018 at 3:38 PM, butterflydreams said:

I am so done with dysphoria 😢

 

Me too *warm, comforting hugs*

[butterflydreams]

21 minutes ago, Heart said:

Me too *warm, comforting hugs*

Thanks, and *hugs* back.

 

How the shit do I still get misgendered? Like seriously, I’m starting to think I’m never going to fully pass. I had a good morning, at a different location for work, introduced to everyone by my guide as “she”. Come back to my office, woman who’s known me the whole time here, “Has he ever seen that?” I clearly don’t pass. People are just appeasing me. I’m at such a loss.

[Heart]

On ‎1‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 11:40 AM, Finn. said:

 

Talked to my mom, she said the next time she uses the wrong name I should tell her immediately because she "doesn't notice", but that she doesn't do it deliberately. She said she doesn't like saying that name anymore too. Oh, and she said I shouldn't have sent such a "dumb text message" about it. So yeah, great mixed message here, the usual.

 

I wore colored eyeliner this week at work. The kids were really confused, it was kinda funny. It felt nice so I might wear eyeliner on the regular now.

 

I casually talked about top surgery with my bff. Apparently I never told her that one of the main reasons I won't do it is dissociation. But yeah, maybe a breast reduction at some point, to like a B cup. It's kinda weird to talk about this with her since she wants to get a breast augmentation, she's like an A cup. We got opposite issues there.

I'm sorry for the mixed message from your mother. Maybe this means though that you can make progress with her? If you feel like you can, maybe try correcting her in real time and just see how she reacts? Some anger may be natural; people in general just don't like being corrected, but that's not your fault. The real question is whether she changes in the long term to your proper name.

 

On ‎1‎/‎30‎/‎2018 at 2:04 PM, butterflydreams said:

It's ok to daydream about it, but don't let it consume you. It'll drive you crazy if you let it. You can still have all of those things, the path just might be more difficult. I'm walking that path right now, trying to get there. Trying to have a family, trying to be a mom, building a career, rekindling old friendships and starting new ones. You don't have to be born female to have any of that stuff as your true self. I love being able to do things as my true self now. It rocks. Maybe eventually I will have a family and I will be a mom. I certainly want to. We'll see how it all goes. You can too if you put your mind to it.

 

Random trans thought of the day, and I hope no one takes offense to it...I wish I had a period. I know it sucks, and tbh I'd probably get annoyed with it too, but you don't know what you're missing until you don't have it, and I don't have it. I guess that's kind of a form of dysphoria too. I can tell I'm missing something.

I wish I could give you my period. It just feels so... WRONG, in all caps and italics in my mind. Like, the debilitating pain might not even be all that *wrong*. Bad maybe, but not wrong, if I was a cis woman. But it just feels like adding salt to the wound. The fact that I could carry a child in me is one of the most horrifying thoughts to me. I wish I could take all that equipment out and give it to someone who would use it and enjoy doing so  

 

6 hours ago, Starbogen said:

What a coincidence! Although I guess not so much since you're Swedish.. It's just that my gf, who's also Swedish if you remember, just showed me this. Though she showed me specifically the part about sexual movements. Maybe I'll try to read the original with her help.

Sexual movements...? .... did I miss that bit o.O

 

38 minutes ago, butterflydreams said:

Thanks, and *hugs* back.

 

How the shit do I still get misgendered? Like seriously, I’m starting to think I’m never going to fully pass. I had a good morning, at a different location for work, introduced to everyone by my guide as “she”. Come back to my office, woman who’s known me the whole time here, “Has he ever seen that?” I clearly don’t pass. People are just appeasing me. I’m at such a loss.

Remember that transition is an S curve. Just because the kind of rapid progress that you saw in the beginning isn't happening any more doesn't mean that no progress is happening. But you're still transitioning. It's ok. I promise you'll pass perfectly one day. And if I may say so myself, you're pretty darned close to it right now. So much so, that I find it hard to believe that it was your looks that caused that one lady to misgender you. I think it's more likely that she heard somewhere or knew that you are trans, and that was in her head and led to the misgendering, not the way you look. It takes time for your appearance to change, but it also takes time for people to change... I'm sorry, I know it's painful. But it's not permanent, as much as it can feel like it sometimes <3

[Stevie Converse]

Hi everyone. I'm not entirely sure I want to transition (mtf). It burns real strong in me at times, then fades, but comes back later. But even when I think i don't want it, it is still there in the back of my mind. I have always felt I was born in the wrong body, but I don't hate my body. I don't hate my male genitals, I just really don't want them.

 

I talked to some close guy friends, they told me I was moving too fast, going into it blind, being impulsive...but shit, I'm 41 years old and I've dreamed of being a woman, or at the very least having my male genitals gone, since before puberty. How the fuck much longer am I supposed to wait? I am meeting my therapist this week, and then next week a new psychiatrist, and I am going to tell them both of my intentions. The place I found for my bottom surgery requires a yearlong waiting period after the initial consultation. I am planning my consultation in June 2018, and HRT after the surgery in June 2019. I don't see how I could possibly be rushing into anything. I love my guy friends, and I know they were speaking out of concern for me, but I'm starting to think it's best I just fucking don't talk to anyone except other queer people if I can avoid it. 

 

Oh, also, wanting to chop your balls off is a sign of being in an unhappy marriage. Fix or dissolve the marriage, and you'll want to keep your junk again. Jesus. I AM in an unhappy marriage, which is a huge stressor, but I would be thinking about this no matter who I partnered with. 

 

DMs are very welcome... I need as many queer friends as I can get.