Why are Virgins Considered More Desirable? TMI!

[malizmizer]

Hmmm.

I can understand why a woman would want a virgin guy. My boyfriend has had several partners over the years, while I've never been interested in sex until I was with him. So although everything is new to me, he's done a lot more stuff. Once in awhile the thought pops up, whistfully....somebody else has already tried this, done this, with him. Multiple somebodies. Might have been kind of fun to experience new things together, instead of being number 8. On the other hand, entering a sexual relationship is awkward as heck with just one of us being inexperienced. I was a little relieved he could sort of take the lead and all.

[Val]

I guess that if both partners are virgins it may seem more special or something. Maybe creates the illusion that destiny is bringing them together and to no one else (since it's the first time for both), not thinking that there could be people after this first partner. Like how no one every thinks of getting married a second time if they've never married a first time.

But I agree. I think most of the time it's probably an ego thing. Love seems like a lost notion these days... or falsely expressed in order to manipulate and achieve the desired goal. *sigh* how sad

Also, "hymen"

yes! That is the word I was looking for in the first post. Sorry for my gross description. Now that I know that I know that word the geisha guy creeps me WAY more out. EW

I'm actually learning a lot from this thread, lots of stuff to think about. Thanks guys! ^_^

[oven_baked_wiener]

I think virgins are more desirable because no matter how much you suck (no pun intended), you'll still be the best of the rest of zero.

As for me, I like more experienced people. I am asexual, though, so the times I need want sex are very few are far in between.

[isjusterin]

Well, part of it goes way back to the foundations of patriarchy... to put it simply, before the age of paternity tests there was only one way to be certain to be sure any children were your own, and that was to marry a virgin (and with the rest of patriarchy, keep her away from the possibility of adultery in any way). I think for a societal standard, that explains some of it, even if people don't reason it out.

I remember that one of the first bits of sex advice that I got from an older friend was to not lose your virginity to another virgin, just because it was ten types of awkward... but I guess an experienced person could want a virgin simply because there's not a standard for comparison yet! But being a befuddled virgin myself, I can't really say.

[ThePieMaker]

Sad really all this virginity obession. What about love?

Oh, there is an unhealthy obsession with that too in society.

Whenever I hear anything about virgin sacrifice, I get very nervous.

[Mith]

Sometimes I wish I was still a virgin. :( I'm just so damn curious I couldn't resist though. haha I think it would make me more desirable though, if I was a virgin. Ugh I would hate that. Not to say I'm desired now, but if word got out I was still a virgin, I'd be afraid guys would be all over me. That's overreacting though. Nobody wants me that much. Anyway, not like I have to worry about that happening.

Personally, (and I know this is way different from many people's views) I think that there is merit to virgins being "pure" because sex, I feel, sex is like an addiction. I think that once you have it, it's always in the back of your mind (or in the front for some people). It's just always there and there's some small part that wants you to do it again. But that's just me and my anti-sexual thoughts.

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

I mentioned this to a couple of my friends, one of whom is ace. My ace friend (who is a virgin) replied with a song lyric by Bo Burnham: "I'm fucking a virgin because that shit is tight." Apparently the look on my face at this response was beyond horrified and quite funny. My sexual friend replied (after commenting on the terrified look on my face) that the condition described in the lyric wouldn't outweigh the disadvantages of, as she put it, "being in bed with someone who has no idea what they're doing." This actually gave me great hope that I'll be seen as less attractive as time goes by due to my...er...inexperience.

[AVENCakes]

"Also, and I don't mean to gross anyone out but... " This is probably why a lot of men like much younger women. Their wives have children & wears the body out "down below" and I suppose they feel bored and have a longing for "youthfulness." I mean, they don't want a 19 year old girlfriend to make them feel 19 again, they want a 19 year old because her body is young & healthy & firm, unlike his middle aged wife... am I sounding too cynical now?

Women do it as well. I've found things saying some 60% of women have admitted to dating younger men. And with men there's probably also a bit of wanting to feel younger, dating a 19 year old means you actually are attractive to 19 year olds still, so as much as there's the physical they probably also like the feeling like they've still "got it".

[thylacine]

A female friend who's really "been around" said to me that men are at their "physical best" between ages 17-21, then "it's all downhill"... Now, remember, I didn't say that, my nympho friend said it, okay? I don't care, since I'm asexual anyway.

[zoidberger]

^^ looks as though I'm coasting in neutral then :P

[AVENCakes]

A female friend who's really "been around" said to me that men are at their "physical best" between ages 17-21, then "it's all downhill"... Now, remember, I didn't say that, my nympho friend said it, okay? I don't care, since I'm asexual anyway.

That's what I've heard. Women reach their sexual peak later in life, middle age or so, men reach it in their younger years, which is why some women like younger men- they have the stamina or whatnot that older men don't. *shrugs* I wouldn't know, really.

[IceCreamAssassin]

Virginity is held in high regard because of the commodity model of sex, meaning that people seem to think the more sex someone has (I'm thinking more of women. Men aren't "supposed" to stay virginal like girls are expected to. Think of chastity balls where teen girls pledge their chastity to their father. EWEWEW.) the more worn out they get. Such as the abstinence ed gimmick of unwrapping a piece of candy and passing it around and asking who would want that. As if we degrade each time we get busy, get less desirable, more dirty, less pleasurable. Women are expected to keep their virginity until marriage. As if we're trying to make the best trade possible rather than entering into a serious relationship.

I think sex should be based on a performance model. As long as people practice safe sex emotionally and physically, there's no reason that someone has to be virginal (Unless you want to obviously.) . It just doesn't make sense. Practice makes perfect, and being comfortable with sex can only make you a better partner.

There's really a lot behind the concept of being/not being a virgin and the social issues.

[Færy]

I agree with all of you, BUT

I would like to say this:

I am happy that my boyfriend is a virgin. My boyfriend is happy that I'm a virgin. Not because we want to "conquest" each other, or because we "get off" on the power, but simply because of this:

I am going to be the ONLY woman he's ever been intimate with. It makes it very special to me. I won't feel jealous that someone else has been this close to him, and I feel like I'm satisfying him in a way he's never felt before. I have no one else to live up to. I love him, and I feel special that he's saved this intimacy for me, who he loves.

He also feels the same way; no one else has touched me in an intimate way, therefore it's special. We saved our love only for each other.

You can't see how being a virgin can relate to love?

While a virgin might feel like sex is just sex, and it might not be special or love related anymore.

Although I agree with a lot of what you guys have to say, I thought I'd add this.

[Fairy star dust]

I agree with that untouched, innocent, being the first one, the guy/girl dont know if the're bad or not

[metalgirl2045]

I don't understand the difference between getting together with a non-virgin and them sleeping around while we're actually in a relationship (unless it directly eats into time I'd be spending with them). Neither are ideal or seem really awful. My reasons are pretty similar to Færy's really but not such a high priority.

[zoidberger]

I agree with all of you, BUT

I would like to say this:

I am happy that my boyfriend is a virgin. My boyfriend is happy that I'm a virgin. Not because we want to "conquest" each other, or because we "get off" on the power, but simply because of this:

I am going to be the ONLY woman he's ever been intimate with. It makes it very special to me. I won't feel jealous that someone else has been this close to him, and I feel like I'm satisfying him in a way he's never felt before. I have no one else to live up to. I love him, and I feel special that he's saved this intimacy for me, who he loves.

He also feels the same way; no one else has touched me in an intimate way, therefore it's special. We saved our love only for each other.

You can't see how being a virgin can relate to love?

While a virgin might feel like sex is just sex, and it might not be special or love related anymore.

Although I agree with a lot of what you guys have to say, I thought I'd add this.

Faery, I definitely agree. There is something about the jealousy factor as well as having that knowledge that you're the only one who's been able to get so close to him. Being a virgin can definitely be special to a relationship if you treat it as such. Sex is not just sex in many people's eyes and can be a symbol of true love and comfort.

I think a lot of people are referring more so to the "virgin hungry" part of society, at least I was...

[Blueflare]

I agree with all of you, BUT

I would like to say this:

I am happy that my boyfriend is a virgin. My boyfriend is happy that I'm a virgin. Not because we want to "conquest" each other, or because we "get off" on the power, but simply because of this:

I am going to be the ONLY woman he's ever been intimate with. It makes it very special to me. I won't feel jealous that someone else has been this close to him, and I feel like I'm satisfying him in a way he's never felt before. I have no one else to live up to. I love him, and I feel special that he's saved this intimacy for me, who he loves.

He also feels the same way; no one else has touched me in an intimate way, therefore it's special. We saved our love only for each other.

You can't see how being a virgin can relate to love?

While a virgin might feel like sex is just sex, and it might not be special or love related anymore.

Although I agree with a lot of what you guys have to say, I thought I'd add this.

I totally agree with this.

[YP]

Right, my thoughts having recently lost my virginity.

Yes it hurts. And yes there was blood. And it took more than one attempt to finally do the deed partly because my OH was worried about hurting me.

Years ago I had a relationship with another virgin. Neither of us knew enough what we were doing to get over the physical barriers. We split up without having had sex. Nearly 10 years passed with me not really giving sex a second thought.

My new OH would freely admit that he's had several partners. And I don't care. I trust him, and I knew that meant that he was experienced enough to know what he was doing (which my ex clearly didn't). He also *didn't* know that I was a virgin until I knew that it was more than just a power trip for him. To be honest, at first I was thinking more of doing it for him to show him that I care for him, but now the initial ickiness is over I'm enjoying it more. I guess that makes me a rapidly lapsing asexual, but I'm comfortable with that.

[Atolm_Dragon]

A female friend who's really "been around" said to me that men are at their "physical best" between ages 17-21, then "it's all downhill"... Now, remember, I didn't say that, my nympho friend said it, okay? I don't care, since I'm asexual anyway.

ONLY 3 MORE YEARS!!! (I'm a girl by the way lol).

Anyone else ever been afraid that saying to people that you never want to have sex and want to be a virgin forever makes you more of a target for rapists and nymphos who want to conquer you?! Otherwise I never noticed anything like a heavenly aura around people who hadn't 'done the deed'. With my friends they were pretty much just as dirty before as they were after. My God I'm surprised they're not mud-wrestling or something.

[thylacine]

That is a nice story, Faery.

Dragon... yes, it does make you a target, so that's why you don't bother to tell anyone! You just say, "I don't talk about my personal stuff," thankyou, have a nice day.

[metalgirl2045]

Right, my thoughts having recently lost my virginity.

Yes it hurts. And yes there was blood. And it took more than one attempt to finally do the deed partly because my OH was worried about hurting me.

Years ago I had a relationship with another virgin. Neither of us knew enough what we were doing to get over the physical barriers. We split up without having had sex. Nearly 10 years passed with me not really giving sex a second thought.

My new OH would freely admit that he's had several partners. And I don't care. I trust him, and I knew that meant that he was experienced enough to know what he was doing (which my ex clearly didn't). He also *didn't* know that I was a virgin until I knew that it was more than just a power trip for him. To be honest, at first I was thinking more of doing it for him to show him that I care for him, but now the initial ickiness is over I'm enjoying it more. I guess that makes me a rapidly lapsing asexual, but I'm comfortable with that.

Swap your 10 years for 3 years (except I did want to have sex with people who I didn't stand a chance with) and that's an exact description of my life too!

[thylacine]

"Sometimes I wish I was still a virgin." I'm sure George W. Bush's mother wishes she was too.

Sorry, couldn't help it. I know he's finally gone, but...

[Charlotte_uk]

I have been in relationships with experienced and unexperienced guys and there was little difference as far as I could tell. Having lots of sex doesn't necessarily make you any better at it! I tend to view people who have not slept around as having more self respect and self control, especially as the media make such a fuss over it. People who brag about how many partners they have had make me laugh. I agree with the 'used candy' analogy. Who wants another person's leftovers?

And yes, losing your virginity can be quite painful - for both girls and guys. They don't talk about that part so much in sex-ed. They should make a point of it as it would probably discourage a lot of young people from having sex so soon!

[Paradise_Paradise]

And yes, losing your virginity can be quite painful - for both girls and guys. They don't talk about that part so much in sex-ed. They should make a point of it as it would probably discourage a lot of young people from having sex so soon!

Despite not having had sex, I thought I knew most of the technicalities of it from reading, but this is actually a new one on me! How is it painful for men..?

ETA: Unless they're bottoming in anal sex, of course - is that what you meant?

[SlightlyMetaphysical]

Women do it as well. I've found things saying some 60% of women have admitted to dating younger men.

Wow. That's a rediculously low number. Unless you mean significantly younger- 5 or 10 years. If not, even if people didn't have a preference for younger (handsomer, more energetic) partners, 50% of their partners would be younger than them, and, given that many people have at least enough partners to count on two hands, I'm very surprised it's not far, far higher than that.