Asexuals repress their sexuality...

[iliun]

Oddly enough, I've been given the title statement more than any other in regards to asexuality. No phases, no childhood traumas, no physical immaturity--just repressed sexuality. The funny part is that these people are the same ones who take pride in supporting the LGBT community, and scold me most heartily when I slip up by using the word "gay" in regards to something I jokingly find idiotic. I just can't take these people seriously when their "open-mindedness" (which doesn't exist, really) excludes an orientation that doesn't fit on the homosexual-to-heterosexual line. Before anyone suggests this, I've already brought up the idea of a spectrum not unlike those used to define political affiliations, and this hasn't gotten me anywhere.

Has anyone else been in similar conversations?

In case my comments are misinterpreted, I have nothing against the LGBT community or their rights movement (ex. I don't make a habit of using "gay" with negative connotations). My issue is with the people who can somehow accept alternative orientations that include sex, but immediately dismiss one without it.

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

No one but my parents (actually, just my mom--my dad doesn't care) have suspected that I'm repressing my sexuality. My mom actually asked me "Did I accidentally teach you that it's evil to like boys? Because it's not, you know," several times.

[metalgirl2045]

I have found VERY few people who are truly open-minded. Most think strictly inside a box, if it's a different box to what's considered normal they think that means they're more open minded. Sometimes it's actually a smaller box.

I sometimes wonder if I'm a 100% asexual repressing their asexuality.

[Billie]

Most think strictly inside a box, if it's a different box to what's considered normal they think that means they're more open minded. Sometimes it's actually a smaller box.

I agree with that...

Other than this, an answer to all those people saying we suppress our sexuality would be "maybe YOU suppress your asexuality"

[annabella]

No one but my parents (actually, just my mom--my dad doesn't care) have suspected that I'm repressing my sexuality. My mom actually asked me "Did I accidentally teach you that it's evil to like boys? Because it's not, you know," several times.

:-) Cool!!

[ryan10242]

Some people aren't very open minded. They don't understand it=It doesn't exist. As for repressing sexuality, not one I've heard before, but it doesn't surprise me. I don't know how they think we do it-decreasing sexuality 20% And, surely wouldn't it be easier to say we were sexual, if we were?

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

No one but my parents (actually, just my mom--my dad doesn't care) have suspected that I'm repressing my sexuality. My mom actually asked me "Did I accidentally teach you that it's evil to like boys? Because it's not, you know," several times.

:-) Cool!!

Actually, it was incredibly frustrating. She wouldn't believe me when I said "NO."

[naelNY]

well on MYSPACE i often receive, from time to time, messages from unknown persons saying essentially:

"SWEETY YOU ARE HOMOSEXUAL WHETHER YOU CHOOSE TO HAVE SEX WITH MEN OR NOT"

and

"YOU ARE EITHER GAY OR STRAIGHT"

because i customized my profile to say "ASEXUAL" in the orientation (since the myspace default does not offer that selection, no surprise)

(lol, umm, how am i homosexual if i'm not sexually attracted to either sex?!? likewise how am i sexual, if i've never been nor desire to be?!)

i don't have problem at all with people assuming i am gay. or queer. the world is based on dichotomies (ie, male-female, gay-straight, black-white, dem-repub)

but i think the bulk of society assuming and preaching that ALL people have a sexuality is really sad.

no wonder why STDs/AIDS and DIVORCE are rampant problems in human relationships since most people have sex on their minds alot of the time or all the time.

or even base the bulk of adult relationships on sex or sexuality.

sad.

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

i don't have problem at all with people assuming i am gay. or queer. the world is based on dichotomies (ie, male-female, gay-straight, dem-repub)

but i think the bulk of society assuming and preaching that ALL people have a sexuality is really sad.

I agree...I understand the assumption that I'm a lesbian because I'm not attracted to men, but when I tell people that's not true and they don't believe me, THAT is when I see red.

[Amphioxus]

That may be true for some people who claim they're asexual, but if it is, it all becomes obvious at some point, doesn't it? You can't "repress" your sexuality forever. (Or can you?)

I've been trying to tell myself I don't like sweets hundreds of times, but the more I do that, the more I crave sweets. Okay, bad analogy, I know, but that's sort of the way I see it.

[metalgirl2045]

Hmm...maybe I'll try to tell myself I really hate getting work done.

[iliun]

i don't have problem at all with people assuming i am gay. or queer. the world is based on dichotomies (ie, male-female, gay-straight, black-white, dem-repub)

I'm going to make the moot point that the sexual/asexual dichotomy exists as apparently as the aforementioned pairs.

That may be true for some people who claim they're asexual, but if it is, it all becomes obvious at some point, doesn't it? You can't "repress" your sexuality forever. (Or can you?)

This is true, but when the "repression" lasts for longer than eight years then it is time for the observer to accept another possibility. It's like conducting an experiment that yields the same results (perhaps with slight variances, at most) every time, and repeating it in the hopes of receiving something entirely different. It might make sense to attempt the experiment after an extended period of time, or once additional factors have come into play, but to do so beforehand is just a waste.

I don't know how they think we do it-decreasing sexuality 20%

Heh, this line makes me think of pilots and astronauts. "Decreasing sexuality in five, four, three, two, one..."

"Sexuality successfully decreased by twenty percent."

[Pripyat]

I've been told that in particular quite a few times when my sexuality is brought up. Friends can't seem to get over the fact that I just don't have the urges they do, romantically and sexually. It's either ED or repression or 'you just haven't had the right person' speeches rather than it being what it is - a lack of an urge. My parents never really cared, although have considered me to be gay - not a bad thing, it's just not the right idea.

For most they seem to think it causes me problems, that it needs to be 'treated' or something like that.

And how do they expect us to actually repress our supposed sexuality? it's not like we have a knob to turn that turns us off.

[live wire]

headnote: Wow, I didn't mean to type so much. Don't worry if you don't read it all, I know I wouldn't, but do make sure you bookmark it to read later. It's a good read, honest. ;)

***************************************************************************

The funny part is that these people are the same ones who take pride in supporting the LGBT community...

I think you've just highlighted a point that's been playing on my mind since I found this place.

When gay people started coming out en masse, the rest of society looked at them as the odd ones out. The general consensus was, and mostly still is, that there is a vertical line dividing the straight people from the gay ones. Over time, the gay people gained straight allies who realised that "being gay is OK" and the rest, so gay people started becoming more accepted. The line, however, remained and both gay and straight people seem happy for it to stay there. I know this because of the schtick bisexual people get from gay and straight people alike. Being called greedy and told to make up your mind on which sex you prefer is as insulting as being called immoral or perverted.

Unfortunately, people don't generally get the chance to learn about sexuality, they are taught sex ed in school where they (supposedly) learn that whichever side of the line you're on is just as valid as the other - further reinforcing the delusional line theory and, in fact, worsening the real problem. Another wonderful irony from the education system there.

And thus we move into the paradox of "open-mindedness". These people are the intelligent ones, these are the people who have realised that the vertical line is actually a horizontal one. Gay goes on one end and straight on the other. A bell curve toward the straight end represents the straight majority and this graph also encompasses all the possible orientations sexuality can reside in, all three of them.

This gets me onto your point. What you've essentially done, along with me and 16,000 other AVENites, is throw a spanner in the works (the third one so far, but no one seems to remember the other two). Now that there's a whole new state of sexuality been brought to the table, the cycle has started again.

Discovery

Finding out about a label you've never heard of before.

Denial <---- You are here.

Finding any possible excuse to invalidate the new label rather than change your view on sexuality.

example excuses:

(gay)

The work of the devil,

Rebellion against god,

Non conformism,

(bi)

Selfishness,

Indecisiveness,

Greed,

disrespect for other people's feelings

(a)

Child abuse

Non conformism (again)

Imbalanced hormones

religion

celibacy

repression of other sexuality (I may have to move this one up the list now)

Realisation

Finding out that the label really is a valid orientation (surprise!)

Validity

Acceptance in much (if not all) of society as legitimate sexual orientation that people may identify with if they so wish.

Eventually, people will move out of Denial and into Realisation as more and more of them start to see sexuality as the triangle in AVEN's logo.

That's all fine a dandy but the real problem as I said is not to do with gaining acceptance. The problem is the cycle. This cycle will carry on for every new state that sexuality can reside in and the more of them that come to light the longer the cycle is going to continue.

Alternatively, I think sexuality is subjective. I know plenty of gay men who have their certain female crushes and several straight women who wouldn't say no to a night with [insert female name here]. truth is, for every one of the 6 billion people on the planet, there's a sexual orientation to be described somehow. Each one of them is different and is based solely on the people in that person's life and their feelings towards them, sexual and otherwise.

With so many different orientations for sexuality to spread across, its going to take quite a while to come up with names for all of them. So long that I got bored with looking for one for mine and I'm probably not the only one. I've ended up going for the one that fits me more than the others. I've been completely asexual so far but as I haven't met everyone in the world I can't say I'm not sexually attracted to anyone so I'll call it 99% of the time.

I suggest this is what we start trying to get people to realise. Instead of just adding a dimension to their view of sexuality, we need to see them throw it out all together. It's not broken, it never worked in the first place.

Then let's start working on this world piece thing, eh? ;)

[mad_scientist]

Try telling them they're repressing their sexual interest in dogs or horses or something. Then make a friendly effort to help them accept said interest -- point out any particularly sexy animals and encourage their interest. That should shut them up. And lose you a lot of friends, but hey, collateral.

[mindlife]

Before anyone suggests this, I've already brought up the idea of a spectrum not unlike those used to define political affiliations, and this hasn't gotten me anywhere.

Your life is your own, and that's the bottom line.

If you are uninterested in sexual contact, feel uncomfortable in sexual situations, with sexual talk and even with the ubiquitous sexual obsessions in our society today, you are most likely asexual.

If your definition of intimacy does not include sexuality, you could also be asexual.

I'm sorry.

They'll just have to live with it if that is your orientation to romance & sex.

[Meithanos]

A few things on this topic that I can add.

One... next time someone says that point them to a recent edition of a "Human Sexuality" textbook... we might get only a small blurb in it joined with the celibacy thing, but in the books I've looked at (I work in a university bookstore BTW and do occasionally flip through the books when I can) it DOES point out that 1) Asexuality is on the rise and 2) that it is NOT to be confused with Celibacy since the sexual urges are not being suppressed by the individual.

Two... I said it in another topic around here, but saying you don't want sex is hard for people to understand because "EVERYONE does it" regardless if the person is homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual its the one thing "Universal" through them all... but we stand to the side in that we have relationships NOT based on sex.

Finally, I've had one person, my mother, who on one hand summed me and my relationships with people as "She is simply happy being friends with everyone" which is a good summary of my experiences as an asexual... though when I mentioned even the possibility of me being asexual she said I believed that because I want to be different and that I am a late bloomer and will someday learn that getting close to people isn't THAT bad.