I genuinely have no idea where I am on the aroace spectrum

[Vampirenatalie]

Before I start let me note that I’m not a minor!

 

For years I’ve been confused by my romantic attraction and sexual attraction. I mean I have guesses to what I could be but I’m not sure. I thought things like lithromantic, demiromantic, grayromantic, abrorimantic (and all the “sexual” versions of these) but I have no idea. Or also maybe some time of aesthetic attraction. 

 

like I get crushes when a person is kind to me and/or I find attractive, and when I imagine having a romantic relationship with that person I get excited. But when I think about like actually kissing, holding hands and saying “I love you,” I get pretty uncomfortable. And it’s extremely rare if I think about doing sexual stuff with a crush. 95% that also makes me cringe. Like I also get major celebrity crushes, like there’s this one I love SOO much haha, (I think he’s super cute) and when I see videos about him I see everyone saying sexual stuff they wanna do with him but I never feel that way, I think I just like what he does and aesthetically like how he looks. 
 

I was in a romantic relationship once, when he told me he liked me too, we started dating, but ever since that day I gradually started to like him less and less, which led to our breakup that I was completely fine with (happy even). And once before a highschool prom I wanted this guy to ask me out to it, and someone told me that he was actually interested in taking me to prom but I instantly told them “no I don’t wanna go with him.” And told people to tell him I was uninterested. 
 

Also 18+ stuff here, I also watch porn (something I’ve been trying to quit too) and I enjoy watching it but I don’t think I wanna be actually the one doing it you know? But at the same time I think maybe I do want to but I just couldn’t imagine doing it with someone I know.  I also enjoy watching and reading romantic medias, never have a problem with it I love it!
 

And I hope and hope all of this is because I haven’t met the right person, I love the idea of being in a long term romantic relationship with someone, I just don’t know if it’s something I would be completely ok with doing. I just can’t feel that way about anyone I’ve met so far in my life. Which leads me to believe I’m lithromantic or something else. And maybe graysexual? I’m not sure. 

[chronicallypessimistic]

From what you've told me, it sounds like you might, just might, possibly fit into one of these micro-labels. You can read through them and see whether there is a possibility that you fit into any of them. If not, that's okay, but I hope that I can provide help in some way.

 

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Akoisexual and Akoiromantic
Often considered the opposite of Reciprosexual, Akoi people may experience attraction but this is weakened or disappears once it is reciprocated. People who identify with this label may enjoy the idea of relationships or sex in theory but don't enjoy them in practice.

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Aegosexual/Autochorissexual – Having a disconnect between oneself and the subject of arousal (aegoromanticism defined similarly but with romantic fantasies instead of arousal).

 

[Qiri]

Hi, and welcome to AVEN! 🍰

 

I'm still familiarizing myself with micro-labels, but it does sound like some of those might resonate with you.

 

I hope this community is helpful in your journey.  

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hey @Vampirenatalie 🍰

 

For the romantic side, it can easily happen to just not be into someone after knowing them more or dating, so I think it's probably best to stay open though maybe over time you'll realize some things around romance and have more to go with, but if you're interested in it then it's probably worth exploring, with a right person that you like and want to be closer to (close than just friends). And on the sexual side, personally i prefer bigger labels, and I think graysexual could fit easily enough your experience if you're not much into sex but could picture in some rare cases. It sounds to me like you don't view sex as a form of loving intimacy so it might not connected to your romantic feelings, that's the case for me anyway. It's really ok to take time and see what fits best over time. I do think graysexual is an easy one to go with because of how broad it is, in any case.