Questions about trying a new name

[Barbio]

Hi friends,

 

Lately, I've been wanting to test out a new name. I've only just started telling a small handful of people what that name is. One of those people addressed me by the new name towards the end of our conversation, and I have to admit that it felt odd, like they were getting me mixed up with someone else. I love the name, but I guess it just doesn't really feel like "me" yet.

 

So, now I'm wondering: For those of you who have chosen a new name, what was it like for you bonding with that name? Did it click with you right away, or did you have to get used to it over time? How do you know when you've chosen the "right" new name for yourself? (For context, this is actually my third attempt at trying out a different name; neither of the previous names I've tried clicked with me even after I used them for a while, and I don't know if this name is going to be any different. So I guess I'm just wondering what it feels like to have finally found "the name" and how I'm supposed to know if I've found it.)

 

Also, if your family and/or immediate circle had to adjust to using a new name for you, how did you tell them that you were changing your name? Were they accepting? I can't imagine that my family will ever feel comfortable using a new name for me, but I know I'll have to tell them eventually if/when I find a new name that I like. I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on that front?

 

Thank you all in advance!

[SmaugtheDragon]

Hi, I go by a different name than my birthname, and it has been about 5 months. For me, the start of thinking I wanted a new name was stressful and overwhelming. In my experience, I thought about my name for a while and I couldn't really think of anything until one day, my chosen name just kind of popped up into my head and it just felt right for me. I won't say that this is everyone else's experience, and a lot of people I know have tried multiple names.

Something that I did when thinking about my name was calling myself that name in my head, like when I looked in the mirror I would greet myself with my chosen name. This sounds silly, but I talk to myself a bit anyways, and it was mostly in my head. I did that for a while until I saw myself in that name, then I told people about it. This might not work for everyone, but it really helped me.

 

As far as accepting goes, I have only told one of my family members, and that wasn't a perfect experience, but my friends are very supportive and kind. I am in a mostly queer friend group, so that gave me an advantage and even though it was scary telling people that I wanted to go by a different name, they were all very sweet about it and celebrated me rather than making me feel uncomfortable.

[verily-forsooth-egads]

I used it at the start of a new year in college, so no one using it knew my old name and that helped a lot. IME it always feels weird when someone switches what they call you. Can't really give you a solution though.

[Synchronicity]

I changed my name by deed poll in 2017.  The only people I meet who know my dead name are my family and my best friend, and they use the new one, thank goodness (although my mother has been a bit awkward about it).

 

I just hated my birth name so much that it came easily to use a new one.   I waited until I found one that had an appropriate meaning and the right initial letter. 😃

[Barbio]

On 3/28/2024 at 1:06 PM, SmaugtheDragon said:

Something that I did when thinking about my name was calling myself that name in my head, like when I looked in the mirror I would greet myself with my chosen name. This sounds silly, but I talk to myself a bit anyways, and it was mostly in my head. I did that for a while until I saw myself in that name, then I told people about it. This might not work for everyone, but it really helped me.

I like this idea! Thanks for the tip- I'll try it!

 

On 3/28/2024 at 4:07 PM, Synchronicity said:

I just hated my birth name so much that it came easily to use a new one.   I waited until I found one that had an appropriate meaning and the right initial letter. 😃

That's part of my problem- I honestly do like my birth name a lot, and it wouldn't give me dysphoria if other people saw it as a gender-neutral name. Unfortunately, it is very gendered. The name that I want to try out meets all my criteria in terms of meaning, initials, sound, etc.- now it's just a matter of getting used to it!

 

I'm glad that choosing a new name was easy for you!