Camme Posted March 20 Share Posted March 20 Mostly because I'm not sure how to interpret my experiences. 6 years ago was the only and last time I included a crush in my sexual fantasies with me being involved, it was also the way that I first explored masturbation, so you can guess I was just a young teen whose sexuality was blooming. I went years interpreting that as sexual attraction to be compulsory heterosexuality and even compulsory allosexuality if there is such a thing. Right now I may interpret it again as sexual attraction but even then that wasn't strongly reflected in our actual interactions, I never experienced such a thing as sexual tension. Fantasies were also quite unrealistic... However maybe it was just because I was young... Unfortunately I was exposed to a lot of NSFW content in my childhood and that messed up my view of sexuality for many years in which I've been healing. I'm not sure if the asexual label was a pathway to healing but I was in itself very resentful of sexual things and what I was exposed to or if I'm actually asexual. I've had vaguely erotic fantasies involving me and another person (real or hypothetical), but I don't find it reflecting what I actually desire and would do in a relationship. I have no desire and expectations of me ever wanting to be in a sexual relationship and involve in sexual acts. Ever since I started questioning my sexual orientation aegosexuality has been a relatable term and I've read that fantasies can include oneself but there's no desire to indulge in sexual acts, most of the times, however, I don't involve myself in sexual fantasies and while masturbating, other times I project on characters on a vague way. However I'm not sure I'm interpreting things right and orchidsexual could be relatable as well or just gray-sexual (which was of the first terms I found relatable). I really dislike having these expectations that someday I will be less uncomfortable at the idea of sexual relationships and I'm just young or resentful, specially from my mom who just wants to make me feel normal. She even goes to say that my peers around me are either early bloomers, went hypersexual due to NSFW content they were exposed or they are just indulging in expectations of what makes them "adult" (specially boys). It sounds weird but in the moment she sounds quite convincing... Anyways she has the best intentions, but it can sound confusing and we're not in the same terms of what (a)sexuality means and we're both open to be wrong about our interpretations. Sometimes I feel pressure that she usually imagined me with a heterosexual man and how "important" it seems for them to have sexual contact... which is really sad considering how that was a factor in my parents' divorce. Well, truth is, being with a heterosexual man it's not an option due to my gender and sexual identity. On another note, my mother has been eager to mention me what erogenous zones mean, in which it includes lips as a potential form of sexual stimulation. The main article explaining it also mentions that whether or not the individual finds it stimulating depends on different factors. So, of course, if you are talking with your cishetallo mother who doesn't seem to get the difference between sexual and romantic attraction as you and many people do (she includes in sexuality, romance, saying it's not only sexual acts) then it feels like she's telling you that just fantasizing about kissing people is a sign of being allosexual. Overall, she's frustrating to talk to about that topic. So what if, then? What if I DO have sexual fantasies which I sometimes think about and they include me and someone else? What If I do but when I indulge in stuff like french kisses in more erotic positions or the moment I feel my partner has sexual intentions I get turned off or even the actual thought of indulging in it irl and not fantasies turns me completely off? So, my true doubts are then, what IS sexuality? Am I just young or I have always been grey-sexual? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted March 21 Share Posted March 21 It sounds like your mom has a very narrow, if not distorted, view of how sexuality works, and that it is a whole spectrum of infinite variables. My dad has a similar narrow view on this subject. I would say you should trust your gut. It sounds like something even grayer than gray-sexual. But pretty normal for this community of folks. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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