Probably aroace but ended up in romantic relationship. Please help!

[ScienceAce]

I've been in a relationship for several months now. Before the relationship, I might thought I did have a crush on them, but I'm questioning everything and I think I just wanted someone who would be there for me while I was struggling. Now that I'm in this relationship now, I'm realizing just how disgusted by romance I am. I feel like I'm just an actor now and taking the knowledge I have from cheesy romance books and just trying to make my partner happy with that. Also my partner is a very physical person while every time I am touched I freeze up. We kissed once and every time I've thought of it since I have wanted to puke. I really don't know what to do and I'm just questioning everything right now. I kind of wonder if I'm just convincing myself that I'm aroace because I want an "excuse" to get out of this relationship. But this person does make me genuinely happy and I don't want to mess this up but at the same time I don't think I like being in a relationship and I just don't know what to do.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

@ScienceAceHi.
It's not a good thing to live something you don't want, and it's important to be honest about something big like that with your partner. It might mean the relationship won't work but continuing to make them think you're enjoying the intimacy if you can't stand it is not good for them either, but also you can find what kind of relationship/friendship does work. Once you've gathered your thoughts you can try to find a time where you'll have a serious talk on it with them.

[SmaugtheDragon]

I'm sorry you are stuck in a situation like this, but just as the previous reply said, I think that it's important to not live a lie because it is not only bad for you, it isn't good for your partner either.  If you don't like being in a relationship and you are completely disgusted by romance, it might not be the best choice to continue being in that relationship. I wish I could promise that everything will go well and your partner won't be mad, but nobody can predict the outcome of that situation. It is important to tell the truth for both of your sakes though.

[The Sword]

On 2/19/2024 at 8:03 PM, ScienceAce said:

Now that I'm in this relationship now, I'm realizing just how disgusted by romance I am. I feel like I'm just an actor now and taking the knowledge I have from cheesy romance books and just trying to make my partner happy with that. Also my partner is a very physical person while every time I am touched I freeze up. We kissed once and every time I've thought of it since I have wanted to puke. I really don't know what to do [...]

Break up.

 

Be honest, and try your best not to be hurtful to your partner while doing it... but for heaven's (and your own mental well-being's) sake, break up, rather today than tomorrow.

[MrDane]

@ScienceAce if you continue, there is a great chance that both of you will be miserable. Your partner should know in order to be able to deal with reality and make informed decision.