Question about demisexuality

[wildr0se2]

Hi,

 

I'm new to this site, and don't personally identify as ace. However, I've been curious about the concept of demisexuality. You see, I was talking to a friend the other day, and when I revealed that I needed an emotional connection to be sexually active with a partner, they asked if I'm demi. I've resonated with demisexuality for a long time, but thought I didn't count since I am capable of feeling sexual attraction to celebrities, strangers, acquaintances, etc. I tried researching the topic, but it's not helping me understand it much better. I was wondering if anyone (demisexual or not) had any insight as to what demisexuality means to them? Currently, I identify as bisexual. And I know that someone who is bi can also be demi. 

 

Thanks! 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

14 minutes ago, wildr0se2 said:

Hi,

 

I'm new to this site, and don't personally identify as ace. However, I've been curious about the concept of demisexuality. You see, I was talking to a friend the other day, and when I revealed that I needed an emotional connection to be sexually active with a partner, they asked if I'm demi. I've resonated with demisexuality for a long time, but thought I didn't count since I am capable of feeling sexual attraction to celebrities, strangers, acquaintances, etc. I tried researching the topic, but it's not helping me understand it much better. I was wondering if anyone (demisexual or not) had any insight as to what demisexuality means to them? Currently, I identify as bisexual. And I know that someone who is bi can also be demi. 

 

Thanks! 

Hi 🍰

It could just be that you want there to be more connection or trust before you share sexual intimacy, not that you don't experience sexual attraction until then, so what you said about strangers and acquaintances wouldn't fit with being demi, but what do you consider to be sexual attraction?

[Philip027]

17 minutes ago, wildr0se2 said:

I've resonated with demisexuality for a long time, but thought I didn't count since I am capable of feeling sexual attraction to celebrities, strangers, acquaintances, etc.

Your thought was correct.  Demis wouldn't experience that.  That's precisely the sort of reason I regard myself as demiromantic; I literally cannot experience any sort of romantic feelings/pull toward people I'm unfamiliar or not close with.  At least I would think if it could, it would have happened by now.

 

Plenty of people don't actually want to have sex with someone unless they know each other or have a connection or what have you.  That's just... well, "normal".  Being demi takes that a step further; they don't even experience that initial attraction/pull without the required connection.

[Ceebs]

I would say that if you're sexually attracted to people with whom you don't have an established emotional bond (like, as you mentioned, celebrities and strangers and whatnot), that doesn't really fit with demisexuality. Demisexuals seem to need that deep bond with someone before they're even capable of feeling any sexual feelings for the other person at all. Although someone who's demisexual might feel emotionally drawn to a person they barely know or don't know at all, that's not the same as an established bond. So there wouldn't be any sexual attraction/desire yet.

 

Maybe you're a sexual person who just needs to feel meaningful emotional connection and perhaps a sense of safety with someone before you'd be comfortable actually having sex with them? That doesn't mean you can't feel attracted to people you're not close to, though. That's an incredibly common experience for a lot of sexual people.

 

If it's relevant, I'm bisexual and not demi. I'm capable of sexual attraction to people I'm not close to (although I don't place a whole lot of importance on it, it's sort of a fleeting thing and I pay very little attention to it, and I don't experience it particularly often) and in certain circumstances I might be interested in some type of sexual interaction with someone where we don't have a really intimate and established bond (I'd definitely need to like them at least, though)... but in reality I don't actually find it all that appealing or fulfilling and almost always couldn't be arsed to follow through. It's simply not what I'm looking for when it comes to sex. I prefer all the big emotions and established dynamic that's very specific to that connection, and ideally loving each other as well, that come with sex with someone I'm really close to. It's like the difference between eating a slightly stale mass-produced hamburger bun and enjoying a slice of homemade bread fresh out of the oven lol.