How I can find platonic love? (I don't discard QPR only my friendship is getting stronger)

[M96-80 KENNY]

Hello, I'm posting this because I'm seriously feeling an emotional need that I never had years ago, it's too recent, I don't know why, but I'm feeling alone. I could have many friends, but having just friends is a topic for another day (I would have a limited circle anyway), I feel a weird need, it never happened before, it's wanting love, but not in a romantic way (because I'm aroace), more like it's wanting to feel platonic love. Lately, I was thinking of my previous experiences and later realizing that possibly I needed to lose my previous best friend, I ended my relationship for a good reason, I never was ready, but now I could try again and look for the next person who could complete a part of me, I maybe want to choose my own family (having a limited circle is like having a family for me). The problem is this, I notice that I want a (sort of) "partner", but not as a life partner, more like a partner to spend my time. I also have certain types of tertiary attraction to women (I don't discard having male friends), because I tried to have emotional (not physical) intimacy with a man and it felt awkward, for this reason I prefer women as candidates for a future best friend. My ideal relationship wouldn't be just sharing a common friendship, we could have a platonic relationship, with true love for each other, I would like to be hugged by a woman and feel her physical contact (but not excessively), I also can accept kisses but only in my cheeks (rarely in my forehead). I don't want nothing more, just somebody who can appreciate me as a person, because I don't need outer beauty, just inner beauty, as Plato always dreamed since years ago.

Is wanting platonic love seriously too bad?, I don't think so.

[PurpleCatLady]

I wish for the same. I’ve just landed on the fact that I’m asexual at 52 and I would like the same type of relationship. I couldn’t have said it better!

[Pallas]

I've been feeling this same yearning for a while now. I had to let go of 3 friendships because I realised they weren't good for me, but they were honestly my only outlet for the physical and emotional comfort i require so now I only have my best friend and souldmate who is now living in another country, and I just feel so so lonely it hurts. I don't know how you have it, but for me I just find it so difficult to make friends in the way that I want, because most people I meet are so normative, I don't know how to go about finding someone who would engage with love and attraction and affection in the same way as me (Im aroace too, i love the idea of polyamory and I am also pan, so I don't know how to even find people who are compatible with these idk prerequisites!!)

 

I love queerplatonic relationships, but I don't have an ease of finding people who would too, so I'm just perpetually in this loop of getting close to people and having them as friends, but never close enough and in the level of friendship that I would consider most satisfying.

 

I understand logically that  this need and desire is very valid, because at the end of the day we are just people wanting to be loved, and I don0t think there's anything wrong with wanting people to want you in the same way that you want them!! But, conflictingly, I also feel so silly thinking about even trying to explain what it is that I want to someone else, because I just feel that no one will ever understand.

 

 

[red herb]

I feel similarly. I've identified as asexual since I was a teen, but lately I've been questioning if I'm somewhere on the aro spectrum too, or maybe I just have a strange definition of love?

 

I just got out of my first relationship and it feels like maybe I didn't like romance all that much. I want a life partner, but I'm kinda touch averse most of the time. I don't enjoy kissing all that much, but sometimes I like cuddling. I guess I don't even know what romance really is! 

[dumpyfrog]

relatable

i'm autistic and have a hard time making friends especially if we don't have shared interests. i don't really have friends right now but when i was younger my ex best friend was like this. completely an online friendship but the platonic love was really strong. years after we stopped talking i find out she's also ace and autistic. really missed my chance there :')

 

don't have any advice but you aren't alone