miguelrodriguez Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Looking back at my life of uncertainty and misery--trying to consider what has been wrong with me, pretending to be someone I am not for both friends and relationships, taking medication to help my weak libido, working on exercise and diets because doctors told m that losing weight would mean a sex drive--all of it feels so infuriating now that I learn about this community. I had no idea these forums existed, and I have given up social media so I didn't really have a place to reach out to there. I can hear every single disappointed partner in my head, dehumanizing me. I am also a sex-positive person and ally for folks who have different sexual orientations, many of whom tout their sexual exploits as reclaimed power in a way that has made me secretly feel even less human. "Humans are sexual beings," being the most difficult saying in this context. Anyway, I'm rambling here for my first post because I am super emotional with the weight of all of this. My current marriage is having some troubles because I am not intimate enough for my wife, and she interprets that as me wanting other women. She does not understand this concept of asexuality (on any level of the spectrum), and I have always had trouble figuring myself out. So how can I explain it when I am so lost in my own lack of self knowledge or self worth? I wonder if these questions sound relatable or familiar at all. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SmaugtheDragon Posted January 19 Share Posted January 19 Welcome to AVEN. I don't have the same experiences as you specifically, but I do relate to the feeling of being lost and not feeling validated in not having that same sex drive as others. I'm so glad you found your way here, I hope you find the community you are looking for as you try to unpack your own identity. Best of luck and know that we are rooting for you and value you so much. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Shoro Posted January 20 Share Posted January 20 Welcome! 😊🍰 Learning who you are takes time, there’s no rush, even if it feels that way. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and love yourself. You deserve love too. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 26 Share Posted January 26 @miguelrodriguez Hello. Welcome! I'm sorry you're experiencing that. Thank you, for sharing. (Below is an official, green, mod message.) Hi! I'm just letting you know your thread was moved from the Welcome Lounge to the Asexual Relationships forum, where the latter includes some threads from asexuals about their experiences sexual partners. I hope this helps! LeChat, Welcome Lounge, Announcements, and Alternate Language moderator Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MrDane Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 On 1/19/2024 at 6:29 PM, miguelrodriguez said: Looking back at my life of uncertainty and misery--trying to consider what has been wrong with me, pretending to be someone I am not for both friends and relationships, taking medication to help my weak libido, working on exercise and diets because doctors told m that losing weight would mean a sex drive--all of it feels so infuriating now that I learn about this community. I had no idea these forums existed, and I have given up social media so I didn't really have a place to reach out to there. I can hear every single disappointed partner in my head, dehumanizing me. I am also a sex-positive person and ally for folks who have different sexual orientations, many of whom tout their sexual exploits as reclaimed power in a way that has made me secretly feel even less human. "Humans are sexual beings," being the most difficult saying in this context. Anyway, I'm rambling here for my first post because I am super emotional with the weight of all of this. My current marriage is having some troubles because I am not intimate enough for my wife, and she interprets that as me wanting other women. She does not understand this concept of asexuality (on any level of the spectrum), and I have always had trouble figuring myself out. So how can I explain it when I am so lost in my own lack of self knowledge or self worth? I wonder if these questions sound relatable or familiar at all. I am happy to hear that you feel like you have reached enligthenment about who you are. I, as a sexual in a mixed relationship, can say that I used a decade on waiting and blaming myself and worrying about my qualities as a man/partner/sexpartner and her love towards me. We have removed all expectations about her initiative and removed everything “sexy”. We kept sex but by schedule and no funny surprises. Is it hot? No! Is it nice? Yes! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 There are a lot of people in sexually mismatched relationships and marriages. It can be very difficult for both people, especially sine sex can mean such different things to them that communication is almost impossible. Sometimes for the (even sex positive) asexual person, sex is just a fun thing a couple can do occasionally, while for the sexual person sex, romance and love are so intertwined that if one is missing they don't experience the others. I think its important that you have a really open discussion with your wife about what sex means to both of you. Is just just a bit concerned that you may be sexually interested in other women, or is she feeling unloved and miserable? Are you just feeling like maybe sex should be more often, or do you feel a constant pressure to be someone that you are not? These are difficult things to discuss but they are important. Otherwise its possible for one or both people to be deeply unhappy - without their partners ever realizing it. If you are both pretty happy, that's fine, but its worth being sure Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rain dancer81 Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 I’m in the same position as you. I have kids involved so it makes the situation a whole lot messier. I’m really not sure what we’ll do. Sometimes I think *we’ll make it* he accepts me. Other times he’s acting miserable and I just wanna throw in the towel because I feel like my Ace-ness is ruining his life. I’m just living life, being ‘me’ and that’s causing him a lot of upset. It’s just not really easy to leave right now. Our lives are a tangled, intertwined mess I feel like I need to start untangling it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Star Shrek Posted February 6 Share Posted February 6 I'm 46 and finally lost my virginity over a year ago. I was very horny until I was around 25years old. Then I got really depressed and missed the horniness. Since then I've been up and down with moods and feeling like a stranger to everybody on earth. I still wish I could meet someone and get my labido up and have fun, like it feels the rest of the world are. I'm not even sure if I am Asexual or have I just been too shy, picky, or just strange? I'm close to hating myself at the moment. No need for concern though, I'm not suicidle. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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