i need help figuring out my identity…

[stella space ace]

***TMI WARNING. I DON’T WANNA BE WRITING THIS EITHER.***
 

So for the longest time I identified as asexual/demiromantic. I found sex repulsive, and I didn’t understand anything along the lines of it. However, over a year or two I’ve come to the realization that it may feel nice to have certain people… I’ll put it lightly, be skin to skin with me. However, it stops there. Just the feeling of pleasure. And the physical sensation.

 

This only happens with people who I think would feel nice on my skin. And only ever with women. I could honestly ignore their body and looks but love the physical sensations of the person. I dunno if this is what sexual attraction is…? Or if it’s just my sex drive, or what. But the thing is… I can only fantasize about this stuff. And afterwards I feel disgusting. I don’t even want a sexual relationship. I just don’t even know what I can identify as anymore, since I can see someone’s legs and think “that would feel good on me.”

 

I think imma be sick writing this. Please don’t judge, aspec community. I need help. 

[Sally]

@stella space ace that sounds to me more like a fantasy/kink, than an orientation.   Both sexuals and asexuals can have kinks without them defining your orientation. They're just part of your individuality.  No need for you to feel shamed or judged.    

[YoungMister]

Well, you do not seem to accept yourself. Is that something you want to live with or do you want to change ?

Can you make a decision and then act on it ? If you want to live this way, accept yourself.

[Lizzy95]

Absolutely no judgement @stella space ace and apart from what @Sally wrote, you could try looking into sensual attraction. I can't tell from your writing if that could be part of it, but maybe if you read through it, you can figure out if it could be that or a fantasy/kink like Sally said. 

 

Sending care,

Lizzy