Finding myself

[KomDotExe]

I just wanna share how I found this forum and myself, how from hating LGBT I come around, to not only be big supporter but potentially be a part of it.

 

First of all i just wanna setup disclaimer

1. English is not my first language so forgive me for any grammatical mistakes you can point out those mistakes and i will fix ‘em

2. Im new to the LGBT+ community I don’t know all ins and outs so maybe something will come as offensive, but that doesn’t come from hate it comes from ignorance

 

I was born in a place not very accepting of others, my parents are not like other people who discriminate against everyone who is different, they raised me to tolerate and not judge others, (Im very lucky and grateful for that). 
In 2nd grade I think on valentines you had to make a letter to your crush, and in my head i was calculating who would that be. I never thought about it before so for me it was like a test,

 

me in my head; “his girl is too popular she is gonna have many letters i have no chance there, this one is not popular I don’t want everyone to think that I’m a loser”

I legitimately thought like this😆

 

When puberty hit everyone in my friend group started commenting on girls how hot they are and when they ask me for opinion I just shrugged my shoulders and said “I don’t know”, and around the same time we all got our first phones, and you can watch porn on your phone without having to use a family computer so older kids showed us how we can find porn, and i was playing along, I didn’t want to see me as a pussy, but i was disgusted by it i can’t believe that someone would watch that.

 

fast forward few years, it was pride month and parade, I didn’t know what was big deal, but everyone else hated it, so I played along. Eventually all those evil things planned in side of my head I learned to hate them. I feel ashamed knowing that wanted someone dead just because they were different.

 

In my first year of high school there was a debate about gay rights and what what we think about them, I said that it was “Unnatural” so its bad no one disagrees so my thoughts just grew louder.

 

But then I meet some openly gay and trans people, one of the YouTubers that I watched come out as trans I didn’t know how to feel about them, they were not bad people, so I educated myself, and even tho Im cisgender straight men when ever someone criticizes LGBT+ I defended them knowing that they were valid people who didn’t deserve hate and harassment.

 

And in hiSchool everyone had their first real relationship, I had no desire to date anyone, and I guessed I didn’t find anybody who connects with me 

 

I found this website a fee years back but I didn’t know if I was ase or maybe just different 

 

My friends started calling me a monk because I didn’t want to find a girlfriend and didn’t watch porn

 

Im finally here coming out here for the first time 

[Monke Jimmy]

Hello, welcome to AVEN! 🧁🍰🎂🍰🧁

 

I appreciate you sharing your story. I think there are a lot of people today who hate certain groups of people just because that's what they've been taught. That's what they've been exposed to for their whole lives. A lot of people learn as they get older that they shouldn't make assumptions about large groups of people. Everyone has a right to exist. 

 

I think your experience of deciding on a crush is not uncommon. It didn't happen to me, personally, but it's common with aromantic aces. For example: 

Spoiler

 

 

[Pack-rat]

Hello and welcome.🍰