AFAB body talk/erogenous zones

[Miri (מירי)]

I'm 30 years old, AFAB, reasonably healthy, and I have absolutely ZERO erogenous zones. Like, normally a person's nipples and clit are very sensitive, but mine are completely numb unless I pinch them, and that only produces pain. Aside from that, there's no sensation whatsoever. Kissing someone on the lips just feels awkward and vaguely uncomfortable.

 

From what I can tell, all of the normal dermal nerves in those areas are present and functioning - I can feel pain, pressure, temperature, etc - but either the "pleasure" nerves just aren't there, or there's a problem with the nerves not working, or the section of my brain that's responsible for receiving/processing input from those nerves isn't working.

 

Is this something that anyone else relates to?

[Eutierria]

2 hours ago, Miri (מירי) said:

Is this something that anyone else relates to?

Is there any chance you might need to feel deeply cared for and/or loved until it will feel different for you? 

 

My ex partner found mine on my neck. I'd be grossed out if friends tried & I'd probably maim them on reflex, fine if a potential partner wanted to try but not likely feel anything. With reciprocal attraction, love & care, it feels really pleasant (I'm demisensual though). 

[Miri (מירי)]

2 hours ago, Eutierria said:

Is there any chance you might need to feel deeply cared for and/or loved until it will feel different for you? 

 

Nope. I'm reasonably sure it's just a peculiarity of my body/brain. I already have autism and ADHD and I've taken various medsfor those for 20 years now, so it's not like my brain is functioning optimally anyway

[Philip027]

It's not really unusual to be unable to trigger your own erogenous zones.  It's like trying to tickle yourself; for many people it is woefully ineffective compared to what someone else can do.

 

I went for about as long as you did thinking that I didn't have any either.  Then I entered a long-term relationship, and it turns out I actually do.  (I'm not AFAB, but I don't think that necessarily makes a difference here.)  That's not to say that that would be the key for you (particularly if you are aromantic, which I'm not) but this is just to emphasize the point that if you're not with someone that you actually experience these sorts of feelings for, it's easy to think you wouldn't have any erogenous zones.

 

Spouse (who isn't ace) saw this and commented, are you even turned on / in the mood / aroused when you do this?  Because if not, of course it's basically going to feel no different from touching your arm or something.  Speaking from personal experience, if you don't experience libido, that tends to help contribute to this sort of thing.  (Also, don't go pinching yourself everywhere; of course that will hurt.)

[Miri (מירי)]

@Philip027 to answer your spouse's question, no, because I just don't get turned on at all.

[Philip027]

Then I guess the question becomes... why are you bothering with this sort of thing at all?

[Miri (מירי)]

I've heard a lot of people talk about it and it made me curious. Like, am I alone in this or not?

[Philip027]

If you mean the whole "touching myself does nothing when I'm not actually feeling turned on" bit, then no, you're most definitely not alone in that.  It may not be a requirement for everyone necessarily, but for many people it is.  That's not even something limited to asexuals, as my spouse attested above.