8urner4ccount Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 This might not be my place to ask this, because I'm almost certain I'm a Heterosexual Cis Male, but I've been unsure for ages whether my attraction to some other men is romantic or aesthetic. When I learned about aesthetic attraction I though that was what my feelings towards some men were, because I definitely don't feel a sexual pull, and I'm not sure how I feel about dating them. Like, I have a folder of images of beautiful men, fictional and real, that I love to look at and admire, so there's definitely a strong biasethetic pull, but I don't know how I would feel about being romantically intimate with these people. Basically, I'm stunned by some of the beautiful guys I see, and I might have had some romantic feelings towards my male friends in the past, but those possible "romantic feelings" could have just been aesthetic infatuation. I really don't know if I'm Biromantic, just Biaesthetic, or both. Please help, this place seems the most expert in separating these topics from sexuality. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
8urner4ccount Posted October 12, 2023 Author Share Posted October 12, 2023 Also, I don't think I fully understand what romantic attraction is. Like, I've had female crushes where I really wanted to get to know them, but I've also seen male people who I really admired and wanted to be friends with. I don't know if the latter is romantic attraction, or just really being interested and admiring who they are as a person. I'm confused, and really want to find a clean answer for these feelings. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Monke Jimmy Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 It seems like you definitely have an aesthetic attraction to men. Defining romantic attraction can be a lot harder, though. Is there anyone who you've been fixated on for longer periods of time? Someone who you've wanted to spend lots of time with, more than you would with a friend? For a lot of romantics like me, it means developing a crush and liking someone so much that it feels like it hurts. I will watch my mood change based on my interactions with a person, etc. It's like your brain just chooses someone and for a couple months it hits the "happy hormone" button every time you interact with that one person. Fundamentally, though, I think people define romantic attraction as the desire to be in a romantic relationship with someone, and that kind of relationship differs from person to person. Is it romantic attraction if I want to hold someone's hand? It depends who I am. TLDR: good luck. It's up to you to draw the line between romantic and platonic. It's not categorical. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
8urner4ccount Posted October 12, 2023 Author Share Posted October 12, 2023 Well, I had a long and deeply unhealthy fixation on a guy who, at the time I knew him, I just considered my best friend, but looking back at now, it could well have been something romantic on my part. Codependence in our friendship aside, I think from the beginning I REALLY wanted to know and spend all my time with this guy; His personality was alluring, and I wanted to be like him. But I wonder whether this fixation was romantic, or just because I was deeply insecure at the time, and wanted to be like this cool, confident guy I met. There was also another male friend of mine who I occasionally had to stop and question whether I had romantic feelings for. Our friendship fizzled out and he's since said he's bi, so IDK what the deal there is. I think these two examples were more than normal friends to me. And I've heard the saying that if you're wondering if you're on a spectrum, you probably are. So... I think I'm leaning more towards probably biromantic on that spectrum now. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Frendo Posted October 12, 2023 Share Posted October 12, 2023 @8urner4ccount That can definitely be confusing. Sometimes I have 'pulls' towards people where I want to be friends with them but often I don't think about them when they're not around. For me atleast, I've never wanted to be like any of my crushes, I wanted to be with them and have a meaningful relationship with them where we both deeply cared for each other. You might've just been feeling deep admiration, that's also happened to me before(the only difference is that I knew I couldn't be interested in any of the people I admired, but its definitely different when its a friend and the lines become more blurred). But obviously I'm not you and I can't tell what you're experiences have been, but those are just my 2 cents Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 I have felt aesthetic attraction without that emotional pull you speak of. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GingerRose Posted October 13, 2023 Share Posted October 13, 2023 8 hours ago, 8urner4ccount said: understand what romantic attraction is. Kissing Hand holding Includes aesthetic and intimate attraction. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
8urner4ccount Posted October 14, 2023 Author Share Posted October 14, 2023 After careful consideration, and some other revelations, I'm pretty sure I'm Biromantic, completely certain I'm Biaesthetic, and almost entirely certain I'm Heterosexual. Thank you all. I really appreciate the insight and help. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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