So I might be genderfluid?

[serpentyne]

I really need feedback on this because it's driving me nuts and I don't want to discuss this with anyone who actually knows me irl so where better than a forum dedicated to gender, right? 

 

So long story short, I've been questioning my gender for probably over two years now? Which isn't really that long of a time but I like the security of labels so it feels like too long. I started off by just thinking that I might not be traditionally female, and then I started experimenting with pronouns. From there I realized that they/them was kind of nice, so I went by she/her in public and had my friends use she/they. So then I scratched my head for a label and didn't find one. So I sat on it for a while and came up with agender, and honestly I kind of wanted to be agender because I'm already aroace so then I'd be like triple A and that'd be cool. But it didn't really fit? I thought about it for a little while and figured that I did have some kind of gender. I also eliminated non-binary from the get-go because I kind of reflexively cringed whenever I tried to think of myself as non-binary so I figured it couldn't be that one. 

 

So then I sat on it for another while until I got adventurous enough to try he/him. So then I had my friends try that out and just use any of the mainstream pronouns for me and it worked for a few months. But then she/her stopped feeling right, so I nixed those and just went by he/they in private. And then she/her started feeling okay again and he/him started feeling wrong and I finally figured out that maybe the reason why I couldn't pin myself down to one identity was because my gender was constantly fluctuating. And now we're here. 

 

I completely gave up on research a few months in so right now I'm only operating off feelings and the most base definitions, which is why I need feedback. Genderfluid as a label feels okay. I told a stranger I was genderfluid the other day and it seemed fine. I don't know if it feels right, I just know that it doesn't feel terribly wrong. I don't really want to keep going unlabelled because saying "I don't know" whenever someone asks for my gender (which doesn't happen too often but it has happened enough) is getting old. Now I stick to they/them because having to figure out where on the gender spectrum I am on any given day is annoying and so is trying to then find the right pronouns. I already have a difficult enough time getting dressed and it's very frustrating. I don't want to rush into a label and then end up having to change it later. I don't like changing my labels after I've decided on them.

 

This sort of turned into a rant at the end. Anyway, I'm not really sure if I'm genderfluid or not, and most of my friends are cis so I can't ask them. The ones that aren't seem kind of like they knew immediately and also I think I've already asked the ones that I'm willing to ask. I realize that only I can decide whether I'm something, but I'd really appreciate some suggestions, advice, or even some support, because I'm super tired of the back and forth (and also super tired in general). Thanks in advance to anyone who's even willing to read this. 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hi @serpentyne

 

Ideally if you're following what feels good to you it wouldn't be tiring, but maybe you've put expectations on yourself based. I can understand it though since I've sometimes come at it that way. But yeah I hope you can find what feels best. Pronouns can be a hint though I wonder what you felt inside that those felt good to you at those times, and in general what you feel like about your gender and your body (at different times too, I guess).

Genderfluid is a nonbinary identity so you can use nonbinary as well if genderfluid. It's really a broad label.

[Hurta]

12 hours ago, serpentyne said:

And then she/her started feeling okay again and he/him started feeling wrong and I finally figured out that maybe the reason why I couldn't pin myself down to one identity was because my gender was constantly fluctuating.

This is honestly a mood.

 

Unlike you, I find the idea of labels, especially on gender, to be a little restrictive for me, so although I don't really experiment with pronouns too much irl (I only have one friend who I feel safe enough discussing this with, so she's the only one who uses they/them and any other pronouns for me) I have just decided to let go of the idea of gender altogether (but not in an agender way, if that makes sense). I exist™️, and that's it. If people perceive me as female (which I know they do, and it's dysphoric but I'm not safe enough to change that) well then it's just part of me, I guess, for now. Not exactly who I am, but close enough to where I can push the dysphoria and act meh about it.

 

If genderfluid feels nice but not like it, maybe try experimenting with some microlabels centered around that? I tried it, it was nice, but like I said I feel labels around gender are too specific for my blurry mess.

 

Good luck with yours, though!