ISO Asexual Therapist

[Nonstop Reader]

Hi. I've been exploring the website and forums on and off for a few months now and I'm increasingly convinced that I may be asexual. While this is great information to have for self-discovery, my bigger issue is that I have a marriage I'd like to save with my allosexual husband. His desire for sex and my lack of desire for sex have been a problem for a long time, but we're great together in most other ways, so we've kept holding on, despite the difficulties. Our situation even seems to be covered in one of your great FAQs:

 

We had great sex at first but now it is totally gone. I don't understand. Is it possible that my partner has suddenly turned asexual?

Sexual orientation is consistent over a lifetime for the vast majority of people. It’s incredibly rare for somebody to “suddenly turn asexual” without the change from an underlying medical problem or side effect. That being said, some people who are asexual, or overall feel closer to asexual than sexual, may have had a period of curiosity where they were more enthusiastic about trying out sex, but as that curiosity faded there was no underlying sexuality intrinsic to their ongoing needs and desires. Sometimes an asexual person will allow themselves to have sex for a while, but this may change as their tolerance wears down or they build up negative feelings towards it.

 

The frustrating thing is, I've been to sex therapy before, and the therapist's (and my own) confusion about asexuality caused us to dismiss it early, with no discussion whatsoever. Now that I know more about asexuality, I'm interested in trying again with a therapist who is either asexual or already has a good understanding of asexuality. I'd like to explore if I am indeed asexual, and if so, how that knowledge can help inform a more productive path forward for me and my husband. I am looking for individual therapy, with an option to loop my husband into a session or two if it would be helpful. 

 

I tried searching the forums and just found people frustrated with their therapists and no actual therapist recommendations. Since this is a highly specialized ask, and I don't live in a big city, I'm looking for someone who offers therapy online. This is a huge community, so I'm hopeful that there are people out there who are actually happy with their therapists, or are therapists themselves.

 

If this has been covered before and I missed the post, feel free to delete this and redirect me, or to move this to a more appropriate thread. 

[Nonstop Reader]

Nothing but crickets huh? Well, I'll continue my search elsewhere and if I find anyone I like, I'll report back. 

[Sally]

AVEN as an organization can't make recommendations for people offering commercial services.  That would require all sorts of research, plus legal maneuvers to avoid various problems.  

[Nonstop Reader]

9 hours ago, Sally said:

AVEN as an organization can't make recommendations for people offering commercial services.  That would require all sorts of research, plus legal maneuvers to avoid various problems.  

Ah, yeah, that makes sense. Although I had been hoping that someone here in the forums may have had some advice. 

 

I did find a list of suggested ace-friendly therapists elsewhere on the web. Is it OK if I link that here, for future people who may find this thread?

[learning2bme]

On 10/3/2023 at 10:27 AM, Nonstop Reader said:

Ah, yeah, that makes sense. Although I had been hoping that someone here in the forums may have had some advice. 

 

I did find a list of suggested ace-friendly therapists elsewhere on the web. Is it OK if I link that here, for future people who may find this 

I would like the link. Can you message me if you are not allowed to post here?

[Nonstop Reader]

2 hours ago, learning2bme said:

I would like the link. Can you message me if you are not allowed to post here?

I'll post it here and if it's not OK, the mods can let me know and/or delete the post. If they do that, I'll message you. 

 

Here is the link, from a Tumblr blog called Fuck Yeah Asexual: https://fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/post/150192839768/ace-friendly-therapists-masterpost-build

 

Hopefully there's an ace- friendly therapist in your city. If not, often therapists will do online or phone sessions, check their websites for details. What I've found is that the therapist I contacted said she can't offer therapy outside of the state she's licensed in, even online. So we're exploring non official therapy options. Unfortunately there were no therapists on the list elsewhere in my state.

 

[Disneyplusandchill]

On 10/6/2023 at 3:50 PM, Nonstop Reader said:

I'll post it here and if it's not OK, the mods can let me know and/or delete the post. If they do that, I'll message you. 

 

Here is the link, from a Tumblr blog called Fuck Yeah Asexual: https://fuckyeahasexual.tumblr.com/post/150192839768/ace-friendly-therapists-masterpost-build

 

Hopefully there's an ace- friendly therapist in your city. If not, often therapists will do online or phone sessions, check their websites for details. What I've found is that the therapist I contacted said she can't offer therapy outside of the state she's licensed in, even online. So we're exploring non official therapy options. Unfortunately there were no therapists on the list elsewhere in my state.

 

That's fantastic! Thank you for sharing your struggle and then the resources that you found. Nobody here may have been able to help this time, regretfully, but I bet this will help others further along the line.