How do I deal with Unwanted Hypersexuality(?) as an Apothi Aro-Ace? TW: Discussion of Trauma/Forced Inappropriate Acts.

[......6]

Hello. I've lurked here and read forum posts when not signed up. It's best to just share what's in my head.
I'm a Cis Male, and I've been suffering from what looks like Hypersexuality and my mind is in a war-zone. I had for months prior been a (sorta?) gold-star asexual. But, as of recently I have been suffering from an onslaught of repulsive sexual ideas, urges and etc.
Everytime it happens I feel like something takes over, like an outside force that keeps me conscious as it does it. Prior to it I feel control and wanting to run away IMMEDIATELY before it takes over again and restrains my mind. I will go in minor detail to avoid triggering anyone in the spoilers.

Spoiler

To specify, it does masterbation, disgusting. I hate it. I hate it.

I'm scared of people here will say "You're not Aro-Ace/Apothi". I'm scared I'll be treated like I want this, I don't. I DON'T. I've talked to my parents, they don't know. I've talked to people online outside of the aro-ace community, they have said what is above. All I want is help. I want to stop this before it harms me again. Please, find what this is. I can't find a type of Hypersexuality online that is what I'm going through, so please. Help me. Have a good day.

[Guest]

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[ubereatsme]

Wanting to masturbate isn’t hypersexuality. I think before you can even begin to figure out if asexual is a relevant term for you, you need to see a therapist and speak about sex and intimacy. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

4 hours ago, Lupyn said:

(Again, not applicable to you; just something that helped me understand my own struggles.) There is also an article on healthline that describes the difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction. That article says "some asexual people do have sex, because sexual desire differs from sexual attraction."

And the former is exactly what asexual people don't have. "Sexual attraction" is quite a nebulous term which is pretty unfortunate for the asexual community, because all it does is lead to misunderstandings.

[nanogretchen4]

Being an asexual person with a libido is very common and perfectly normal. Having the urge to masturbate does not mean that you are not asexual, aromantic, and apothisexual. 

 

However, it seem like you are having intrusive thoughts that you are very distressed about. Also, you seem to have trouble even owning that your impulses are coming from your own brain and body. There is no outside force, and you can choose your actions. I think a therapist could help you to deal with your intrusive thoughts and come to terms with your feelings.

 

 

[......6]

On 9/3/2023 at 12:45 AM, Lupyn said:

I feel that I am confusingly hypersexual (due to intensity/frequency of urges) and asexual as well, and I have had a lot of difficulty in untangling everything myself. A few things that have helped me a bit :

 

(I know this doesn't apply to you; you said your urges are unwanted and I understand.) From healthline.com: "Not to mention that asexual people can also have sexual libido, a desire to masturbate, watch and enjoy porn, experiment with sexual kinks, engage in romantic relationships, and, yes, even have sex."

 

(Again, not applicable to you; just something that helped me understand my own struggles.) There is also an article on healthline that describes the difference between libido, sexual desire, and sexual attraction. That article says "some asexual people do have sex, because sexual desire differs from sexual attraction. In other words, you might not look at someone and feel the need to have sex with them, but you might still want to have sex on occasion."

 

So that doesn't help with dealing with unwanted hypersexuality, but maybe with some of the worries about identity. The Ace Dad Advice channel on YouTube has been another really good source of validating information for me. Some of his YouTube shorts of his that may be worth checking out:

Am I ace enough?

Ace Dad Advice: Trust your own experience

 

I wish I had more/better ideas for how to offer support. I hear and believe you that you don't want what you are experiencing, and in my view you are legitimate and valid as ace.

I need to make something VERY clear. I am not interested in sex, as I have been trying to tell people this isn't me and it's always been "You're in denial" or "You're just trying to cope" or "You secretly like it" I"M BEING CLEAR RIGHT NOW THAT I AM APOTHI-AROACE, ENTIRELY. I understand you've seen it's unwanted, but I don't want it at all. I have to be more specific on what happens, (do not click if you are squeamish or like me, Apothi. It was pain writing this.)
 

Spoiler

I go to sleep, before beginning to be barraged by sexual disgusting thoughts and before I can say shut up, I can't talk. I try to yell, I try to get out and get help but I can't move. It's not paralysis, but more of a sense of (even to me) subconsciously being made to believe I can't move. After that, it starts controlling my body like a puppet, does that disgusting crap and releases me from it. I start spitting on the floor, feeling disgusted of my body as result. I go clean, and the cycle repeats. Every night. It just happened currently and I want it to end. God help me. It's pleasuring it, not me. All it leaves me with is the feeling I've been "raped" even though I haven't. I so sorry for any victims who have experienced it actually, but that's the only way I can describe this.

As you can read there, it's not wanted or even giving the idea of pleasure. It's just hell, just hell.

[......6]

And no, I do not hold kinks, crushes or any sort of disgusting things I want to swear, but I have to keep formality. I want to cry, I want help. But people here are doing nothing but claim it's me or say like this

On 9/3/2023 at 1:52 AM, ubereatsme said:

Wanting to masturbate isn’t hypersexuality. I think before you can even begin to figure out if asexual is a relevant term for you, you need to see a therapist and speak about sex and intimacy. 

I DON'T WANT TO DO THE FIRST THING. FOR MY SAKE, FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN'S SAKE I HATE WOMEN AND MEN SEXUALLY OR ROMANTICALLY, I DON'T FIND TRANS OR NON-BINARY PEOPLE ATTRACTIVE EITHER, I JUST HATE THE IDEA OF SEX AND ROMANCE. I HATE IT.

[......6]

I DON'T WANT ORIENTATION,  JUST WHY.

[......6]

8 minutes ago, 00thegoat said:

I need to make something VERY clear. I am not interested in sex, as I have been trying to tell people this isn't me and it's always been "You're in denial" or "You're just trying to cope" or "You secretly like it" I"M BEING CLEAR RIGHT NOW THAT I AM APOTHI-AROACE, ENTIRELY. I understand you've seen it's unwanted, but I don't want it at all. I have to be more specific on what happens, (do not click if you are squeamish or like me, Apothi. It was pain writing this.)
 

  Hide contents

I go to sleep, before beginning to be barraged by sexual disgusting thoughts and before I can say shut up, I can't talk. I try to yell, I try to get out and get help but I can't move. It's not paralysis, but more of a sense of (even to me) subconsciously being made to believe I can't move. After that, it starts controlling my body like a puppet, does that disgusting crap and releases me from it. I start spitting on the floor, feeling disgusted of my body as result. I go clean, and the cycle repeats. Every night. It just happened currently and I want it to end. God help me. It's pleasuring it, not me. All it leaves me with is the feeling I've been "raped" even though I haven't. I so sorry for any victims who have experienced it actually, but that's the only way I can describe this.

As you can read there, it's not wanted or even giving the idea of pleasure. It's just hell, just hell.

AND I SAY "IT" NOT ME "IT".

[Guest]

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[Guest]

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[Vellocent]

I have intrusive thoughts too.  There are therapies and medications available for them.  The combination has given me a sense of sanity I never felt before.  

 

The first thing you can do is to have a counter thought, like "stop" or personally I say to myself "that is not compassionate, that doesn't have to happen, this is a thought."  

 

I am also in a city where meditation is used and there is this silent meditation thought which is simply paying attention to the breath and if you have any thoughts (good or bad) think to yourself gently something like "thinking" "one" or "om".  Silent meditation isn't for everyone, but it helps me; even if my current practice is rare.  

 

Best to you!

 

(this is in no way a replacement for therapy or medication, I recommend it from personal experience.)

[ubereatsme]

On 9/14/2023 at 7:38 AM, 00thegoat said:

And no, I do not hold kinks, crushes or any sort of disgusting things I want to swear, but I have to keep formality. I want to cry, I want help. But people here are doing nothing but claim it's me or say like this

I DON'T WANT TO DO THE FIRST THING. FOR MY SAKE, FOR WHAT I BELIEVE IN'S SAKE I HATE WOMEN AND MEN SEXUALLY OR ROMANTICALLY, I DON'T FIND TRANS OR NON-BINARY PEOPLE ATTRACTIVE EITHER, I JUST HATE THE IDEA OF SEX AND ROMANCE. I HATE IT.

Sounds like you need professional help tbh

[Lyncisomega]

On 9/3/2023 at 5:54 AM, ......6 said:

Hello. I've lurked here and read forum posts when not signed up. It's best to just share what's in my head.
I'm a Cis Male, and I've been suffering from what looks like Hypersexuality and my mind is in a war-zone. I had for months prior been a (sorta?) gold-star asexual. But, as of recently I have been suffering from an onslaught of repulsive sexual ideas, urges and etc.
Everytime it happens I feel like something takes over, like an outside force that keeps me conscious as it does it. Prior to it I feel control and wanting to run away IMMEDIATELY before it takes over again and restrains my mind. I will go in minor detail to avoid triggering anyone in the spoilers.

Hello,

The same thing has happened to me for a long time now (and I have not suffered any aggression that may have anything to do with this). It's very good to read your post and feel less alone. I know how horrible it is, personally in these moments of "crises" I feel like I'm contemplating the most disgusting of shows and having to force myself to appreciate it when it disgusts me to the highest degree! It's not me and I'm screaming that I'm out of this nightmare. I discovered that I was Apothi Aroace at the age of 3 but could only put words on it when I was 18. It was a real release!! Unfortunately, the doubt about the same month quickly caught up with me and after several years of galleys and different therapies I arrived today to be able to identify that I was trying (and again 😢) to adapt to society more than anything even if I thought I had accepted myself, it was not the case. I force myself with all my strength to correspond to these "perfect" models because I am afraid that my family and my entourage will no longer love me if I assume that I am fully who I am in my differences... but honestly it totally destroys me and I self-traumatises constantly. I continue my therapy today because all "my demons are not yet exorcised". The most important thing I have to say is simply to welcome this fear and everything that is happening in you at that moment. It's extremely difficult, I totally agree. While I thought I could do it by saying to myself "ok, it's ok, it happens and then it starts again" all this while trying not to judge me and well it didn't work. If these emotions of anxiety, fear, anger towards oneself and these deep feelings of repulsion and immense disgust of ourselves are there while we undergo these intrusive thoughts, it is because there is a reason. Mine is my body that yells at me STOP excessive adaptation, it sends me immense distress signals by pushing me to imagine or fantasise the things that disgust me the most. It's a "HELP! "Of my inner self, he begs me to listen to him and stop struggling to get into the mould because it takes me to the depths of my own underworld.

This is what I was able to identify at home but each person is different and unique. What is right for one will not necessarily be right for the other. Just remember that it's not your fault and that you don't have to feel guilty of yourself in these moments ❤️‍🩹

I just hope I could have calmed you a little and given you leads for the future. Wishing you all the courage possible and sincerely hoping that this hell will end soon for you.

In a friendly way

Ps : I'm a foreigner so I apologise for my approximate English 😅