Drewbird Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Hello all. I’m Drew. I’m 32 years old, I’ve been with my partner for 8 years, and I just realized that I’m asexual. I feel a definite romantic and aesthetic attraction to my partner, and a strong aesthetic attraction to men, but my relationship with sex has always been weird. I’ve spent my entire adult life thinking I have a low-libido, or some kind of hang-up, or a sexual trauma that I must’ve blocked out of my memory. I’ve always had to psych myself up to have sex, and for the past 3 years I’ve actually been taking medication for erectile dysfunction (which doesn’t even always do anything). Although I’ve enjoyed sex with my partner very much, I hardly ever feel like seeking it out or initiating. Realizing I’m asexual gave me a huge feeling of relief, but I’m still working on getting past the feeling that I’m broken in some way. But it’s only been a few days of me thinking of myself in this way. I would love to make some connections within this community so that maybe I can not feel so alone. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BeADreamer Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Hi Drew, welcome! You most certainly are not broken or alone Quote Link to post Share on other sites
autumn blink Posted August 29, 2023 Share Posted August 29, 2023 Hi Drew! Welcome You'll most certainly find people here who knows what you are talking about. Sounds like you have a partner you are very fond of as well, which is great. Wish you all the best. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 welcome! 🍰 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pack-rat Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 Hello and welcome.🍰 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drewbird Posted August 30, 2023 Author Share Posted August 30, 2023 Thank you for the warm welcome 💖 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Typhoon Posted August 30, 2023 Share Posted August 30, 2023 Welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 On 8/29/2023 at 3:10 PM, Drewbird said: Although I’ve enjoyed sex with my partner very much, Welcome, Drewbird. That's not the usual for asexual people, who generally don't want or enjoy sex. However, some other commenters may suggest some other terms that match your experience. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jonesOlsson Posted August 31, 2023 Share Posted August 31, 2023 Hi Drew, welcome to the community. I can very much relate to your feeling. It took me several relationships to realise I'm asexual/grey-sexual. I was fine with having sex most of the time but never initiated it and since I've been single now for 1,5 years I've realised I really do not miss sex and actually feel relieved not having it. I wish you all the best on your journey exploring your asexuality Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drewbird Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 6 hours ago, Sally said: Welcome, Drewbird. That's not the usual for asexual people, who generally don't want or enjoy sex. However, some other commenters may suggest some other terms that match your experience. Yeah, to be honest, I’m constantly questioning and thinking through my previous feelings about sex right now. Feeling pretty confused about everything. I think possibly graysexual may be a more accurate term for me, but I really don’t know right now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Drewbird Posted August 31, 2023 Author Share Posted August 31, 2023 8 minutes ago, jonesOlsson said: Hi Drew, welcome to the community. I can very much relate to your feeling. It took me several relationships to realise I'm asexual/grey-sexual. I was fine with having sex most of the time but never initiated it and since I've been single now for 1,5 years I've realised I really do not miss sex and actually feel relieved not having it. I wish you all the best on your journey exploring your asexuality Thank you 🙏🏻 The more I think about it, the more I think that I just don’t really like having sex. I want to keep having it occasionally because it’s important to my partner, and I think it’s important to me to continue to have that connection with him from time to time. But we’ve always had a polyamorous relationship, and I feel extra relieved right now that he can get that satisfaction from someone else. I think if we were ever to break up (which I really hope we don’t) I don’t think I would care about having sex ever again. It’s a pretty mind-blowing realization for me to have right now, since I’ve been identifying simply as gay for the past 20 years almost, and trying to convince myself that I’m super sexual like most gay men. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Samuel-W Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 Hi Drew! Your experiences seem very similar to my experiences, actually. I'm 31 and last week I discovered that I'm probably graysexual... I'm also in a relationship and I've also been seeing doctors to find out why my libido is so low (without finding any health problems). For so many years, I've been thinking that there's something wrong with me, blaming myself for not feeling enough sexual attraction to my partner or be the one to initiate sex (despite us having great sex). I'm still a bit confused, same as you, as to what this means to me and what it will mean for my relationship. But mostly, I feel relieved... Maybe there isn't something 'wrong' with me that needs fixing after all. I'm curious whether you have talked to your partner about it yet. If you'd like to chat in DM and share experiences and thoughts about all this, I'm definitely up for it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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