kel_socal Posted August 6, 2023 Share Posted August 6, 2023 Yesterday was my 17th wedding anniversary with my partner. My wife is my best friend and we are great partners in raising our teenage kids. We have been struggling for some time due to our heavily mismatched sex drives. We have worked incredibly hard on individual and couples therapy and are as stable as we have been in many months. My partner suffers from depression but meds have helped her stabilize and our day to day is generally good. We have a nice home and a good family. I feel blessed but guilty that my desire for physical intimacy causes my partner to feel guilty and depressed because she is unable to do that. Recently my wife has started openly talking about her possibly being asexual. She is terrified that I will leave her. Honestly, that is not at all something that I want and have expressed that. I just started exploring asexuality yesterday and want to support my partner. This is very hard for me as I am a sexual person but I love my partner. I hope to find a way for us to stay and support each other on the journey ahead. Thanks. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted August 6, 2023 Share Posted August 6, 2023 I hope it works out well. Hopefully if you can put no pressure for sex on your partner it could help with mental heath. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Marrow_ Posted August 6, 2023 Share Posted August 6, 2023 Happy anniversary! From your post it sounds like you care for her quite deeply, something I think is a wonderful position to start from. Every couple is different, especially when it comes to an asexual partner, it's something you may have to work out with them, which it sounds like you are currently doing. What may work out for one asexual/sexual couple may not work out for you two specifically. As a general principle, avoid directly or indirectly pressuring them for intercourse as it may make them uncomfortable or guilty which could harbor resentment in the future. Good luck and I wish the best! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted August 6, 2023 Share Posted August 6, 2023 @kel_socal Hello. Welcome! Thank you, for sharing that. Congratulations, for you and your partner's anniversary! (Below is an official, green, mod message.) Hi! I'm just letting you know that your thread was moved from the Welcome Lounge to the "For Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies" forum. LeChat, Welcome Lounge, Announcements, and Alternate Language moderator Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Vorps Posted August 6, 2023 Share Posted August 6, 2023 Welcome! You'll definitely find understanding here! Lots of us here on SPFA are in/have been in your shoes. Good luck! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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