Confused over Genderflux, Agender, Genderless

[sea83]

So, I'll just write my experience and how I feel and hopefully someone can help me sort this out.    I get completely confused for the term I am looking for, or if there is one.   I have most of my life, not really fixed anything to one gender.  I was AFAB.  As a child, I often wondered what it would like to be a boy, sometimes wished I was.  I would pretend I was a boy when I played with my friends who were boys.   I just don't feel like a girl at all.   Sometimes I only partially feel like a girl, sometimes I almost feel "dissociated" from female.  Sometimes I'm ok I guess with female.  Sometimes I don't relate at all.  I wouldn't really say it's agender.  Sometimes I feel I would rather be slightly more masculine (as in I hate my chest and wish it was really, really small or non-existant.), but most of the time, I would say "indifferent" or fluctuates between "sort of girl-sort of boy-".  I know this is a confusing mess, but at my ridiculous 30s age, I've moved past my rigid family and can explore myself now.  If I have to answer to pronouns, I usually just use she/her.  I don't mind if someone says, "Oh, they're coming over".  I don't know whether I could call myself any of the above in the title, because I mainly use she/her pronouns.  They were assigned to me, and I don't know if I'm just so used to using them, they're ingrained at this point.  I don't "dislike she/her" either.  And I don't feel like "he/him" would fit either.  I just don't feel like I fit any gender really, and sometimes that's more intense than others.    But, I don't mind being referred to as female, which is my confusion. 

 

I mainly grew up with boys and just felt like "one of the guys" most of the time, but I don't feel like a trans man either.  Girls were too catty for me.  Though, now I have close female friends.  I think most of that mainly is because the people I hang around with are more direct?  I didn't like stereotypical girl things, which was at complete odds with my mother.  I wouldn't wear a dress, played with what at the time was considered "boy" toys, etc. [Have no idea if that will help clarify anything for anyone?]

 

Ok, so if you've managed to read my jumbled up thoughts of confusion and lack of adhd meds today and reached this point--THANK YOU!   I was raised in religion and went to school that was very strict, and it's been toxic to me.  I've spent years trying to shake that hell and trauma off.   And now, I feel like I can finally be accepting of me.  

 

Does anyone else feel like this?  Is there a term for this?  Feeling kinda  alone about it.

[Sarah-Sylvia]

Hi @sea83

 

I think Non-binary or Genderqueer would be the easiest for you to use. I think of non-binary as really having to do with gender identity, while genderqueer is an even bigger umbrella doesn't 'necessarily' have to specify that, but in your case it sounds like it is about gender, just that's not binary. It's quite easy to use as a catch all, though if you feel that the part that changes is important to you, genderfluid might make more sense than genderflux, since you mentioned several sides of gender, unless you always feel that tis' the same general gender mix that either goes up or down in how much it's there. Like say if you felt in between male and female but the amount you feel that can change, you could say being Androgynous and genderflux. But since you feel more one side or another at different times, that's more like gender changing which would be genderfluid. But if it's more just about changing feelings for gender expression, like masculinity and femininity and you don't feel it's something core that changes, then you don't necessarily need a label for that but genderqueer can work more easily.

 

So, yeah I suggest Non-binary, and you could keep in mind genderfluid if you think that's a big part of it. It can include changes between demigirl, demiboy, and agender or whatever you feel. Feel free to share more thoughts, it's just my thoughts based on what you said.

[sea83]

14 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

Hi @sea83

 

I think Non-binary or Genderqueer would be the easiest for you to use. I think of non-binary as really having to do with gender identity, while genderqueer is an even bigger umbrella doesn't 'necessarily' have to specify that, but in your case it sounds like it is about gender, just that's not binary. It's quite easy to use as a catch all, though if you feel that the part that changes is important to you, genderfluid might make more sense than genderflux, since you mentioned several sides of gender, unless you always feel that tis' the same general gender mix that either goes up or down in how much it's there. Like say if you felt in between male and female but the amount you feel that can change, you could say being Androgynous and genderflux. But since you feel more one side or another at different times, that's more like gender changing which would be genderfluid. But if it's more just about changing feelings for gender expression, like masculinity and femininity and you don't feel it's something core that changes, then you don't necessarily need a label for that but genderqueer can work more easily.

 

So, yeah I suggest Non-binary, and you could keep in mind genderfluid if you think that's a big part of it. It can include changes between demigirl, demiboy, and agender or whatever you feel. Feel free to share more thoughts, it's just my thoughts based on what you said.

Oh, I am definitely non-binary or genderqueer.  I think genderfluid would be a good term, if it encompasses more than just male-female.  As I often feel sometimes demi, sometimes not associated with any gender, sometimes I feel a little of both or not at all.  Sometimes %es.   Sometimes I feel almost detached or just "a body" that is just there.  Sometimes I don't feel any kind of gender.  Does that fit under genderfluid?  

[Sarah-Sylvia]

1 minute ago, sea83 said:

I mostly feel "unattached" to a gender if that makes sense or some % ratio between them.   Often, I feel almost "dissociated", but will just answer to female pronouns.  I definitely think using the umbrella term non-binary is absolutely 100% me.  Just there are sooo many.  

 

I think seems similar:  
Demigender: The state of feeling loosely attached to a gender (any specific gender, or gender as a generality), but not attached enough to identify as having a gender. A demigender person may feel some association with a gender, but not enough to fully identify as that gender. They may also feel some association with a gender-less identification." 

Yeah Non-binary is really good because it can cover so much.

Demigender would usually be used still with one gender in mind, like demigirl or demiboy, to mean feeling partly that (like partly female or partly male). It can include some genderflux too, though since you mentioned that it can shift between sides, that's why I think non-binary and genderfluid stuck out to me more, but there are some people who use demigender itself as a label too, and really you're the one describing yourself so you could use it that way if you're prepared to explain :P.

Also since you mentioned it being unattached, if that means that you feel your gender isn't important (though you said it can affect how you feel about your body so it does seem to have some meaning?), there's Cassgender

 

"Cassgender is a gender identity in which one feels their gender is unimportant, or is indifferent from the idea of gender. "

[sea83]

I'm probably more gender fluid.  Everything changes.  I think that's why I've had a difficult time.  Genderfluid feels "right", provided I don't have to be 100% of one binary gender at time if that makes sense?   It seems like it encompasses shifts between all the genders?  If that's the case, then I'm definitely genderfluid.  I appreciate you answering of my rambling thoughts and questions more than you can ever know.   

 

[sea83]

Oh, I think I found me!  On the wiki.  It wasn't listed on the AVEN thread of genders:  Fluidflux.  

 

"Fluidflux, genderfliux, genderfluix, fluxfluid, fliux, or fluix, is when one's gender changes over time while also varying in intensity. Fluidflux is a subset of both genderfluid and genderflux, making it a fluvarilian gender."   

 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

1 minute ago, sea83 said:

Oh, I think I found me!  On the wiki.  It wasn't listed on the AVEN thread of genders:  Fluidflux.  

 

"Fluidflux, genderfliux, genderfluix, fluxfluid, fliux, or fluix, is when one's gender changes over time while also varying in intensity. Fluidflux is a subset of both genderfluid and genderflux, making it a fluvarilian gender."   

 

 

Oh yeah for sure, it's a micro-label but you can definitely find something like that useful.

I should add that you don't have to have only one label. You can have ones you mainly use, but there's nothing stopping you from using Non-binary for ease and then Genderfluid and Demigender as well to say more about yourself, or Fluidflux could work too if you feel it's enough

 

[AstrophelDragon]

3 hours ago, sea83 said:

I think genderfluid would be a good term, if it encompasses more than just male-female.

Yeah it does (just as a clarification in case you didn't find that). I am genderfluid and my genders go all over the place. It's like a collection of sorts. They also vary in intensity so sometimes I don't have one (ie I "lost" my gender collection down some abyss), or sometimes it maybe sort of exists but I don't really care

 

2 hours ago, sea83 said:

Fluidflux.  

 

"Fluidflux, genderfliux, genderfluix, fluxfluid, fliux, or fluix, is when one's gender changes over time while also varying in intensity. Fluidflux is a subset of both genderfluid and genderflux, making it a fluvarilian gender."   

Oh this is actually a nice term. I might use it

[DeanneD]

@sea83, I could have written much of your post. I think of myself as non-binary. That’s specific enough for me and I just start to confuse myself if I start to think too hard about it. 
 

To my closest friend I described myself as a 10-year old boy. I have a female body, but many of my interests are more aligned with a prepubescent boy. 

[m8476]

On 5/7/2023 at 9:54 PM, sea83 said:

So, I'll just write my experience and how I feel and hopefully someone can help me sort this out.    I get completely confused for the term I am looking for, or if there is one.   I have most of my life, not really fixed anything to one gender.  I was AFAB.  As a child, I often wondered what it would like to be a boy, sometimes wished I was.  I would pretend I was a boy when I played with my friends who were boys.   I just don't feel like a girl at all.   Sometimes I only partially feel like a girl, sometimes I almost feel "dissociated" from female.  Sometimes I'm ok I guess with female.  Sometimes I don't relate at all.  I wouldn't really say it's agender.  Sometimes I feel I would rather be slightly more masculine (as in I hate my chest and wish it was really, really small or non-existant.), but most of the time, I would say "indifferent" or fluctuates between "sort of girl-sort of boy-".  I know this is a confusing mess, but at my ridiculous 30s age, I've moved past my rigid family and can explore myself now.  If I have to answer to pronouns, I usually just use she/her.  I don't mind if someone says, "Oh, they're coming over".  I don't know whether I could call myself any of the above in the title, because I mainly use she/her pronouns.  They were assigned to me, and I don't know if I'm just so used to using them, they're ingrained at this point.  I don't "dislike she/her" either.  And I don't feel like "he/him" would fit either.  I just don't feel like I fit any gender really, and sometimes that's more intense than others.    But, I don't mind being referred to as female, which is my confusion. 

 

I mainly grew up with boys and just felt like "one of the guys" most of the time, but I don't feel like a trans man either.  Girls were too catty for me.  Though, now I have close female friends.  I think most of that mainly is because the people I hang around with are more direct?  I didn't like stereotypical girl things, which was at complete odds with my mother.  I wouldn't wear a dress, played with what at the time was considered "boy" toys, etc. [Have no idea if that will help clarify anything for anyone?]

 

Ok, so if you've managed to read my jumbled up thoughts of confusion and lack of adhd meds today and reached this point--THANK YOU!   I was raised in religion and went to school that was very strict, and it's been toxic to me.  I've spent years trying to shake that hell and trauma off.   And now, I feel like I can finally be accepting of me.  

 

Does anyone else feel like this?  Is there a term for this?  Feeling kinda  alone about it.

Based on what you've described, you may find that the term "genderfluid" resonates with your experiences. Genderfluid individuals may experience a fluctuation or variation in their gender identity, feeling a mix of genders or different intensities of gender at different times. Remember, the most important thing is to embrace your authentic self and find a sense of acceptance and comfort in your own identity. You're not alone.

[sea83]

On 5/18/2023 at 5:59 PM, DeanneD said:

@sea83, I could have written much of your post. I think of myself as non-binary. That’s specific enough for me and I just start to confuse myself if I start to think too hard about it. 
 

To my closest friend I described myself as a 10-year old boy. I have a female body, but many of my interests are more aligned with a prepubescent boy. 

This is me.  I even still like some things like manga and anime lol.  

[Lilihierax]

On 5/8/2023 at 6:54 AM, sea83 said:

I was AFAB.  As a child, I often wondered what it would like to be a boy, sometimes wished I was.  I would pretend I was a boy when I played with my friends who were boys.   I just don't feel like a girl at all.   Sometimes I only partially feel like a girl [...] Sometimes I'm ok I guess with female.  Sometimes I don't relate at all.  I wouldn't really say it's agender.  Sometimes I feel I would rather be slightly more masculine (as in I hate my chest and wish it was really, really small or non-existant.)

 

I don't dislike "she/her" either.  And I don't feel like "he/him" would fit either.  I just don't feel like I fit any gender really, and sometimes that's more intense than others.  But, I don't mind being referred to as female, which is my confusion. 

 

[...] felt like "one of the guys" most of the time, but I don't feel like a trans man either.  Girls were too catty for me.  Though, now I have close female friends.

So almost a year later, I am investigating this topic now for myself, and your description closely resembles me and my experience! Very similar. 

 

On 5/19/2023 at 3:56 PM, m8476 said:

Genderfluid individuals may experience a fluctuation or variation in their gender identity, feeling a mix of genders or different intensities of gender at different times

^ This seems to be mixing up -fluid and -flux, so I will try and distinguish the the two to the best of my knowledge.

 

For your reference, I can tell you that I am tending to fall closer to genderflux, rather than -fluid.  Here's why...

 

-flux meaning: a changing in the intensity of one gender category  (e.g., within the category of femaleness/womanhood, my connection to these identities ebbs and flows in it's intensity. I am sometimes totally cool with being known as a girl, but other days I would prefer to be simply a gender-neutral female person. At other times, a totally ungendered/sexless being. The feelings fluctuate, but never crosses the border into a completely different gender category, like man/maleness.)

 

-fluid meaning: changing from one gender ID to another over time, possibly back and forth; shifting between various gender identities. (I can't expand on this because I have not experienced it.)

 

(And then yes there is Fluid-flux)  I don't know if this helps clear things up for you or makes it more confusing, but here is my understanding of it!