An Introduction to Asexuality

[Horse Ham Radio]

This guide is to give people a basic and impartial overview to the definition of asexual and topics related to asexuality. It is not designed to be a comprehensive guide, but a starting point for anyone wanting to learn more. You are encouraged to dig deeper and to ask questions in the Q&A forum to learn more.

 

 

Common Definitions of an Asexual Person

Before we begin, I would like to say there is no universally accepted definition of what an asexual person is, but the definitions that get used do follow the same theme. All definitions are hotly debated and each definition can be interpreted slightly differently by different people. Many people hold strong opinions on which definition is the "correct" one and on exactly how to interpret it rightly. Much of what is written in this section is highly controversial.

There are three definitions that appear frequently.

1. An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction.
   
   This is a straightforward and direct definition, but it contains the term "sexual attraction", which for people who have never experienced it, they may struggle to figure out what it feels like (and thus determine if they have ever felt it). There are also misconceptions around what sexual attraction is, which I discuss later in the Types of Attraction section.
   
   This also may exclude people who are close to the definition while not strictly falling within it.
   
   Some people interpret this definition to mean someone who has never experienced sexual attraction, while others consider it to include people who have not experienced recent sexual attraction (typically no attraction for the last few years to the last few decades). In a similar vein, some people consider a person's sexual orientation as something that can change through their life, while others believe it is set from birth.
    
2. An asexual person experiences little or no sexual attraction.
   
   This is a generalised definition of above but blurs the line between Asexual as an orientation and the the Spectrum of Asexuality (see the section Asexual as an Orientation vs Asexual as a Spectrum). It also has the same issue with the "sexual attraction" term as the first definition.
   
   It may feel exclusionary to asexual people who strictly experience no sexual attraction, and may invalidate people who identify as grey-asexual (see the Asexual Spectrum/Umbrella section) but are close to a stricter definition of Asexual.
   
   There is also confusion over how much "little" means and exactly what the difference between the similar term "a little" and the used term "little" is.
   
   This definition is explained in more detail in this spoiler below, which you may wish to skip over if you are new to asexuality as it may be challenging to understand without wider knowledge.
   Spoiler

   "little or no sexual attraction" - the emphasis is on how small the amount of sexual attraction is (which would include none). Writing it mathematically, it's like saying "attraction < ε" where ε is some small number. It could be zero. Or it could be some imperceptibly small positive value. Or maybe it's detectable but very small. At any rate, the only thing the definition says is that it's *little* IF it exists at *all*.
    

   On the other hand, grey-As do experience sexual attraction but it's at a low intensity or frequency. The emphasis here is on the fact they *do* sometimes experience it a strictly *positive* amount, but *less* than most people.
    

   Linguistically, it's the difference between "little" and "a little". With the former, the emphasis is on how small the amount of attraction is (maybe none at all). With the latter, the emphasis is on the fact there is some albeit not much. These two notions can overlap.

3. An asexual person does not have an intrinsic/innate desire for partnered sex.
   
   Here we have a slight re-wording of the first definition to better clarify what sexual attraction means. Here it is taken to mean an intrinsic or innate desire to engage in a sexual activity with a partner. It specifically excludes solo sexual acts, such as masturbation (see the section later on Factors Not Affecting Asexuality).
   
   An additional consideration when using this definition is that some asexual people may desire to have sex for reasons other than sexual attraction, such as to have biological children, not miss out on the experience, please their partner, or any number of other reasons. While most people do not consider these to count as an "intrinsic/innate desire for partnered sex", a small minority do. Further, some people may not immediately recognise that these reasons do not count against the definition when they first encounter this definition.

 

 

Other Definitions

There are plenty of other definitions going around. I cover three frequent ones here, but be aware that there are others.

• An asexual person does not experience significant sexual attraction.
  
  This is in-between definitions 1 and 2 above. The "not significant" term is stricter and better defined than the "little" term in definition 2, but it still allows the flexibility that definition 1 fails to offer. It can be considered a compromise between the two definitions. It still fundamentally has the same issues definition 2 has.
   
• An asexual person is someone who would be happy going the rest of their life without partnered sex.
  
  This is a very clean definition as the answer for almost everyone boils down to either yes or no. There is little scope for varying interpretations of this definition. However, it faces the same issues definition 3 above has where asexual people may choose to engage in partnered sex to have biological children, not miss out, or please their partner, among other reasons.
  
  Additionally, some sexual people may avoid partnered sex and be happy about it (for example, for religious reasons). These sexual people would be considered asexual under this definition.
   
• An asexual person is someone who actively dis-identifies with sexuality.
  
  This is known as the Collective Identity Model. It offers a loose definition saying asexual people do not identify with sexuality and that (and only that) is all they have in common.
  
  As the definition relates to one's internal identity, no one is able to figure out if another person is asexual or not regardless of any other factors such as feelings or behaviours.
  
  This definition can, due to its looseness, lead to the meaning of asexual drifting over time or becoming so diverse that the label loses meaning.

For a deeper discussion of the definitions, open the spoiler  (not recommended if you are new!)

Spoiler

There is a very deep and philosophical discussion of the definitions, especially the Collective Identity Model, in the thread linked below. However, this thread is not suitable for beginners due to how advanced the discussion is. I have included it here more to show you that the debates around the definitions go much deeper than they may seem from this introduction post. You are of course welcome to give it a read or simply skim through it, but, again, it will be difficult to follow until you are well-acquainted with the community.
Definition Debates, why they never work. Collective Identity Paradigm versus Medicalism. A possible solution.

 

Anti-invalidation/Self-identification rule

Further to these definitions, some places also use an Anti-invalidation/Self-identification rule. This is whereby anyone who thinks they are asexual can use the term asexual without being told they are not asexual (regardless of all other factors). Likewise, an individual cannot be told they are asexual if have chosen not to use the term for themselves, even if their experiences match a strict definition of the term.

It is a controversial rule, but like all rules, it has its positives and negatives. It allows anyone to feel safe without the hostility that invalidating people brings (thereby making the whole space it is enforced in feel nicer), but at the same time it opens up the definition to misuse and dilution - both of which can have a substantial negative impact on the wider asexual community. Some people have strong opinions on this Anti-invalidation/Self-identification rule. AVEN is a forum that enforces this rule.

 

 

Asexuality vs Celibacy vs Incel vs Common Sexual Patterns

These terms are often confused by those new or unfamiliar with the community.

 

Celibacy is a choice to not have sex, while asexuality is not a choice and an asexual person may have sex. People can be asexual and celibate (and many are), but one does not imply the other. Many celibate people are not asexual. Likewise, "Waiting until marriage" is not the same as being asexual. Asexuality is an orientation, not a behaviour.

 

Incel stands for Involuntary Celibate. It refers to people who do want sex but who cannot achieve sex. In most cases an asexual person cannot be incel as they choose not to engage in sex (i.e. they are celibate through choice).

 

It is considered offensive towards asexual people for sexual people to refer to themselves as asexual when they are either celibate (through choice or not) or in a temporary period of not experiencing sexual attraction/desire.

 

Common sexual patterns here refer to what we see in most of the population - i.e. how sexual people experience their sexuality. These can vary dramatically from sexual person to sexual person and there is no strict definition of what counts as a normal sexual behaviour.

 

There is a grey area between what is considered a sexual person and an asexual person. This is a very fuzzy region that everyone defines differently and it includes a number of orientations to aid in labelling the experiences that fall within this region. Refer to the section on the Asexual Spectrum/Umbrella for more on this.

 

Where is the line between sexual and asexual?

Most people will agree that someone who experiences sexual attraction "a few times per year" or more frequently is a sexual person.
Most people will also agree that someone who has experienced sexual attraction "a couple of times in their life" or less frequently is in the grey area or asexual.
But between these two frequencies people have greatly varying beliefs around where the line should be drawn. Some people prefer a stricter definition and some a looser. There is unlikely to ever be a defined boundary here partly due to differing beliefs and partly due to the complexity of human sexuality which makes it difficult to divide into two on a single scale.

 

 

Types of Attraction

It is a misconception that asexual people do not experience any form of attraction at all. There are other forms of attraction beyond sexual including romantic, platonic, sensual, and aesthetic as the most common ones.

 

The strength with which each person experiences these other forms of attraction varies greatly from individual to individual. Some people may experience only some (or in rare cases, none) of these, while others may experience one type particularly strongly and the others weakly.

 

This image talks through various forms of attraction.

 

For people who are sexual, these forms of attraction may be conflated with sexual attraction. They may be inherently connected with one leading to the other. For asexual people these can exist as separate forms of attraction and do not lead to sexual attraction. Despite this, some asexual people can get confused around the definition of "sexual attraction", which leads to weakness in the definitions of asexual that use the term "sexual attraction".

 

For a list of other forms of attraction, please see https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Tertiary_Attraction.

 

Someone who you are attracted to in a way other than by sexual attraction may be referred to as "asexy" (a play on the word "sexy"). "Asexy" can also refer more generally to someone who is asexual.

 

 

The term Allosexual

A member of the asexual community may refer to someone outside the community as "Allosexual" or as "Sexual". Allosexual translates literally to "Not Asexual" and is completely synonymous with "Sexual". Allosexual can be shortened to "Allo" ("Allos" for plural).

 

In the past, the term Allosexual was by far the dominant of the two, but for several years now it has been in decline and this trend is likely to continue. These days it is still in frequent usage, but many asexual people have switched to use "Sexual" only. The two terms are currently used about as frequently as each other. Sexual people becoming aware of the term and expressing their disapproval of it is the main driver of the usage decline.

 

The term Allosexual is not routinely used outside of the asexual community and most people outside the community are unlikely to have heard the term before. As such, many sexual people prefer to be referred to as "sexual" or by their orientation (such as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, etc.) instead.

 

Some asexual people also reject the term Allosexual as it creates an "us vs them" mentality.

 

 

The Split Attraction Model

There is a model that separates sexual orientation from romantic orientation called the Split Attraction Model (sometimes written as SAM). It is a useful starter resource for understanding how asexuals may form relationships.

 

In short, one can be asexual but still be romantically interested in some or all genders. Likewise, one can be aromantic (without desire for a romantic relationship) and still sexually attracted to some or all genders.

Note: The term "aromantic" should not be confused with the similarly-spelled word "aromatic".

In most cases a person's sexual and romantic orientations either align (e.g. both hetero, or aromantic asexual as examples), or one is asexual or aromantic and the other is anything else. In rare cases there may be a complete misalignment - for example a person who is heteroromantic but homosexual. This is referred to as a cross orientation.

You can learn more about romantic orientations here.

And you can read about the Split Attraction Model further here.
For cross orientations, check out this article.

 

 

Oriented Aromantic Asexual
A relatively new term in the community, an oriented aromantic asexual is someone who is both aromantic and asexual but has another form of attraction that is primarily directed to certain genders or a biological sex. That person may be oriented towards people of that sex or those genders and seek relationships or meaningful partnerships with such people despite not experiencing any sexual or romantic attraction. A non-sexual and non-romantic relationship is often called a "Queer-Platonic Relationship" (QPR).

 

When writing their orientation, an oriented aromantic asexual may simply write "[orientation] aromantic asexual" where [orientation] describes who they experience the other forms or attraction towards. For example "gay aromantic asexual" would mean someone has one or more forms of attraction (not sexual or romantic) towards people of the same sex or gender as themselves.

 

Sometimes more detail may be added as in the example "hetero-aesthetic pan-sensual aromantic asexual". This means someone who experiences aesthetic attraction to their own sex or gender (hetero-aesthetic), sensual attraction to all genders (pan-sensual), and is aromantic asexual.

You can learn more about QPRs here: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Queerplatonic_Relationship
And about oriented aromantic asexuals here: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Oriented_AroAce

Asexual Spectrum/Umbrella

There is a grey area between normal human sexuality and asexuality. For example, some people may experience sexual attraction/desire:

• Infrequently
  • Note: Typically defined as fewer than a few times per year. More often is usually considered sexual. People who only experience attraction once or extremely rarely may still choose to use the asexual label for themselves. 
• Weakly
• In highly specific circumstances
• Or in another way that deviates from what they consider to be how most people experience attraction.

These people do not fit into the typical definitions of "sexual" or "asexual" but are somewhere in-between. Everyone interprets the start and end point of the grey area differently, but typically it is defined relative to how one views others around them.

 

People in this grey area may refer to themselves as grey-sexual, grey-asexual (sometimes shortened to grey-A), or, more rarely, as grace (a contraction of grey-ace. See the section on The term Ace later).

 

The alternative spelling of "grey" (gray) is also used and the hyphen may be omitted. E.g. you may see it written as graysexual, for instance. There is no defined correct spelling of the term.

 

In colloquial language, a grey-(a)sexual may be referred to as just grey, e.g. "I am grey" means "I am a grey-(a)sexual".

 

The choice of grey-sexuality vs grey-asexuality is a personal one and the two are often used interchangeably. However, some people prefer to use grey-asexuality to emphasise that their experiences are very close to those of asexuals, whereas people may use grey-sexuality to emphasise differences to asexual people.

There are many terms that fall under the grey spectrum. There is disagreement on exactly which terms count as grey, but the figure below lists some of the most commonly accepted ones and gives an overview of what they mean.

 

Each term should be searched online and studied in more detail to really learn about it. The definitions in this image are nothing more than a basic overview.

 

There are many other grey identities out there. Here are some useful links for learning more about the grey area and its identities:
https://www.asexuality.org/?q=grayarea
https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Asexual_Spectrum
https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/123256-asexuality-sexual-orientation-lexicon-read-me/?tab=comments#comment-1061345324

 

Some people refer to the Asexual Spectrum as the Asexual Umbrella. This is because the term "Spectrum" implies that all grey identities sit on a line between "sexual" and "asexual", which they very clearly do not. The term "Umbrella" implies that they are a collection of identities around Asexual and each one is not necessarily closer or further away from the definition of asexual than any other.

 

The term "asexual community" is often used to refer collectively to everyone on the asexual spectrum.

The Sexuality Triangle

The image below shows the Sexuality Triangle, which is a simple model of sexuality for beginners and often the first model people learning about asexuality come across. The up/down axis is the "amount of sexual attraction" and the left/right axis is the "gender preference".

 

At the sexual end at the top, people can be homosexual on the left, heterosexual on the right, or bisexual if they are in-between. As you go down towards asexual at the bottom (the black area), the level of attraction towards same/different genders diminishes until you reach a point where there is negligible sexual attraction to anyone. Grey-A and the asexual (ace) spectrum are shown here.

 

It should be noted that while this is a good beginner's model for understanding the basics and how the terms fit together, it massively oversimplifies human sexuality, and does not come close to representing the complexity of sexual attraction.

 

Best Fit Acceptance

Many people do not fit into any definition cleanly due to the complexity of human experiences and behaviours. It is acceptable for people to use a "best fit" label to describe themselves, assuming they have done research around labels and have identified a good fit. It is controversial to use the first label you discover that "mostly works" without first checking to see if there is a better label out there. It is controversial because it dilutes the meaning of that label.

Everyone is encouraged to talk about their experiences on the forum and ask for help in finding the label that best fits them.

 

Asexual as an Orientation vs Asexual as a Spectrum

The term "Asexual" can refer to both an orientation and to the asexual spectrum (consisting of the asexual orientation and the grey identities). The context of a sentence usually tells which of the two the word Asexual is referring to, although sometimes it can be unclear. Definition 2 at the start is an example of a sentence where the context is unclear.

Most asexual people agree that the word Asexual can refer to both an orientation and a spectrum; however some people reject the notion of a spectrum or refer to it as the "Sexuality Spectrum" to keep the term "Asexual" for the orientation only.

A person who is a grey identity may refer to themselves as being on the Asexual Spectrum, but should never refer to themselves as just Asexual. This is because it can be confused with the orientation, which leads to the erasure of asexual (orientation) people by making the term mean something else.

 

 

The term Ace
In modern usage, the term "ace" is used as an abbreviation for "asexual" in the same way as "bi" is shorthand for "bisexual". Anyone on the asexual spectrum may call themselves "ace", but usually other people seeing the term will assume it means asexual as an orientation rather than someone in the grey area.

 

Historically, the term was used solely to refer to the asexual spectrum and never to the orientation. You can find out more on the history of the term in this 2016 Tumblr post: https://rotten-zucchinis.tumblr.com/post/154538375425/ace-is-an-umbrella-term-and-asexual-used

 

"Ace" should never be written in all capitals ("ACE") as this is a common acronym to mean Adverse Childhood Experiences. Using all caps can offend those who have actual ACEs. It erases their identity. Despite this, you may occasionally see it written in all caps.

 

The term Aro

Like the term ace for asexual, an aromantic person may call themselves "aro". Aro is pronounced in two ways. It may be like "A row" or as "Arrow". In the past, the first pronunciation was more popular but in recent years the latter has become commonplace and is perhaps the more popular of the two now.

 

Someone who is asexual and aromantic may use the term "aroace" (sometimes written as two words "aro ace" or with capitalisation: "AroAce"), or refer to themselves as "double A".

 

Sex Positivity and Favourability

Some asexual people may describe themselves on two further scales: sex positivity and sex favourability. This is to better define their own experience of asexuality.

The scale of sex positivity goes from sex positive to sex negative. It is about other people having sex. People at the sex positive end are fine with other people having sex in all situations, while those at the sex negative end prefer to live in a society that is completely without sex or sexual references, or at least where these are not easy to come across.

 

The scale of sex favourability goes from sex favourable to sex unfavourable (also called sex-averse or sex-repulsed). It is about yourself having sex. People who are sex favourable enjoy sex (even if they do not experience sexual attraction), while those at the unfavourable (or averse/repulsed) side often go out of their way to avoid situations where sex might be expected of them.

The two scales act independently of each other.

Some people consider sex favourable asexuals to not be asexual, but in general they are welcome in the community.

You can read about the scales more here.

Here are some statistics on the number of people who are asexual (ace) and not asexual (non-ace) identifying at each stage of the sex positivity scale (data from 2016). Data from the ace community survey.

Spoiler

 

And here are statistics for the sex favourability scale from 2017 (upper table) and 2018 (lower table). The "Questioning" column refers to people who are questioning or uncertain of their sexual orientation. Data from the ace community survey.

Spoiler

 

Factors not Affecting Asexuality

There are a number of behaviours and thought that are sexual in nature but which are disconnected from sexual attraction/desire and thus an asexual person can still experience. The first time someone comes across this list they may be confused and not understand the difference between these terms and sexual attraction. If this is you, you should ask questions on the forum and dig deeper to gain a better understanding of the differences.

 

Examples are:

• Having a libido or masturbating. This is not the same as a partnered sexual activity. One does not lead to the other for asexual people (although for sexual people sometimes one can lead to the other).
• Consuming pornography. Reading, listening, or watching pornography is not the same as desiring sex.
• Actually having sex. As mentioned before, asexual people may engage in sex for reasons other than sexual attraction.
• Being a virgin. Just like with being straight or gay, you don't need to try something you know you aren't into to know you aren't into it.
• Being sex-favourable. Enjoying sex if it does happen is not the same as sexual attraction. Sex may be physically pleasurable without the mental attraction being there.
• Having kinks or fetishes. Same reasons as porn.

 

While these factors are pretty much universally agreed to not affect asexuality, small pockets of people do disagree and will refuse to call someone asexual if they have ever engaged in the above. People with these beliefs are called Asexual Elitists and are rejected by the wider asexual community. These beliefs were more common in the past, especially in the noughties and earlier.

 

In the spoiler is a link to a now defunct website called The Official Asexual Society that lists a test for asexuality that demonstrates the elitist ways of thinking present in the past and covers more areas than what is above. This content can be found in web archives from 2003 and 2004. There are no earlier archives to see when it first appeared, and the next later archive is from 2009, which shows the site being defunct. Content warning: This test is not a nice read at all.

 

Spoiler

http://web.archive.org/web/20031130122909/www.theofficialasexualsociety.com/productssimple7.html

For other factors not affecting asexuality and related topics, please see Helpful Info For Those Questioning Their Asexuality.

 

Controversial Factors that may Affect Asexuality

While the above section deals with factors that are widely accepted to not affect asexuality, this section covers topics which are controversial and that some people consider not affecting asexuality, while other members of the asexual population do consider them to have an effect.

 

• Hormonal changes. In many cases hormone levels in asexual people are in normal human ranges, which means hormones don't affect sexual attraction in asexual people. However, some people may become asexual after hormonal changes. The classic example is a sexual woman going through menopause and not experiencing sexual attraction/desire afterwards. It is debated whether such people are asexual.
• Drugs. Drugs can have a wide range of affects on the body. For some sexual people, some drugs may eliminate sexual attraction/desire, and likewise for a very small number of asexual people, drugs may lead to sexual attraction/desire. It is not clear if these people are asexual or if there is something else going on.
• Past experiences. Negative past sexual experiences can lead to people lacking in sexual attraction/desire for an extended period of time. Are these people asexual during these times?
• Mental Health. Some mental illnesses can reduce sexual attraction/desire. While in most cases the effect won't be total (in that someone with a mental illness will still be able to tell that they definitely do not experience sexual attraction/desire), in extreme cases of mental illness where the mind is extremely far from functioning normally, if someone does not experience sexual attraction/desire, how can they know if they are asexual or if it is just the illness?

 

Thanks for reading!

I hope this was useful to you. Remember, this is just a starting point for understanding asexuality. You should ask questions and dig deeper in any areas that aren't clear or you would like to know more about. The forums here on AVEN are a great place to post questions

 

P.S. The feelings of the community and the definition of Asexuality and are always shifting. This post was written in 2021 and reflects the thoughts of the community from this time. In 5-10 years from now, parts of this may well be considered outdated. It would be good if someone could make a new and up-to-date post (and preserve this one for the history) when that time comes.

 

A minor update was made in Oct 2022 to add the term "grace" as an alternative spelling of grey-sexual. This is a relatively new way of writing the term, but one that is now getting used frequently enough to warrant inclusion.

[Nima]

This is a very attractive post, and that doesn't make me question my asexuality.

 

😉

 

good choice of words in consideration of current events.

 

personally, I'd remove the 

48 minutes ago, Spaghetti Cat said:

Asexuals are biased towards the sex positive end but can be anywhere on this scale.

and the 

 

49 minutes ago, Spaghetti Cat said:

Asexual people are biased towards the unfavourable end but can be anywhere on this scale.

since it seems unnecessary, the topic was well enough explained, and it might lead to doubt if the bias doesn't coincidence with a questioning individual .

 

Enjoyable read, nothing to add here. Nicely done!

[Horse Ham Radio]

8 minutes ago, Nima said:

This is a very attractive post, and that doesn't make me question my asexuality.

 

😉

 

good choice of words in consideration of current events.

 

personally, I'd remove the 

and the 

 

since it seems unnecessary, the topic was well enough explained, and it might lead to doubt if the bias doesn't coincidence with a questioning individual .

 

Enjoyable read, nothing to add here. Nicely done!

Thanks I had another person PM me the exact same comments, so yeah agreed that those two sentences aren't useful to have - I have now removed them.

[Snao Cone]

There are links on the actual AVEN website that can be used for some of these:

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=grayarea

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=romanticorientation

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=attitudes.html

 

It's probably a better idea to use what's on the same website when that's an option, since the LGBTA wiki is external and can be changed at any time. 

[The Sword]

The Sword considers this an excellent start for a WIP, and very much appreciates the impartiality. Excellent job, Cat. 🍰

 

The Sword suggests that an explicit mention of the Collective Identity model would be good to add somewhere, and that it is the favored model by David Jay and widespread in current asexual discourse, but that it is not the only model of asexuality in existence.

[Horse Ham Radio]

1 hour ago, Snao Cone said:

There are links on the actual AVEN website that can be used for some of these:

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=grayarea

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=romanticorientation

https://www.asexuality.org/?q=attitudes.html

 

It's probably a better idea to use what's on the same website when that's an option, since the LGBTA wiki is external and can be changed at any time. 

 

1 hour ago, The Sword said:

The Sword considers this an excellent start for a WIP, and very much appreciates the impartiality. Excellent job, Cat. 🍰

 

The Sword suggests that an explicit mention of the Collective Identity model would be good to add somewhere, and that it is the favored model by David Jay and widespread in current asexual discourse, but that it is not the only model of asexuality in existence.

Both great points. These and some comments that have been PM'd to me will be added in later today

[Horse Ham Radio]

All right. Changes have now been made  the CIM has been added as an Other Definition.

 

The links have all been added to the relevant sections.

 

A few small other changes as per PMs too. The main one is the stats now included in the Sex Positivity and Favourability section.

[SilenceRadio]

Maybe for the "Asexual as an Orientation vs Asexual as a Spectrum" section, you can add that "ace" is supposed to mean "asexual umbrella" (asexuals, gray-As, demis, and anyone who doesn't know their exact place under it) in order to differentiate between the two, although the practice may have fallen ever since. It's also written in the definitions part of the General FAQ of AVEN.

[Horse Ham Radio]

On 7/20/2021 at 10:48 PM, SilenceRadio said:

Maybe for the "Asexual as an Orientation vs Asexual as a Spectrum" section, you can add that "ace" is supposed to mean "asexual umbrella" (asexuals, gray-As, demis, and anyone who doesn't know their exact place under it) in order to differentiate between the two, although the practice may have fallen ever since. It's also written in the definitions part of the General FAQ of AVEN.

Good suggestion! I'll add it in later today

[The Sword]

On 7/20/2021 at 11:48 PM, SilenceRadio said:

Maybe for the "Asexual as an Orientation vs Asexual as a Spectrum" section, you can add that "ace" is supposed to mean "asexual umbrella" (asexuals, gray-As, demis, and anyone who doesn't know their exact place under it) in order to differentiate between the two, although the practice may have fallen ever since. It's also written in the definitions part of the General FAQ of AVEN.

That was a fascinating read about an aspect of ace and asexual history The Sword was utterly unaware of until now. Thank you for sharing.  

[SilenceRadio]

Just now, The Sword said:

That was a fascinating read about an aspect of ace and asexual history The Sword was utterly unaware of until now. Thank you for sharing.  

You're welcome! I thought "ace" was purely an abbreviation until I found this.

[The Sword]

Just now, SilenceRadio said:

You're welcome! I thought "ace" was purely an abbreviation until I found this.

Yes... so did The Sword.

[Horse Ham Radio]

In modern usage it is primarily used as an abbreviation as far as I know. I'm going to make a poll just to check my belief before I start writing a section about this though. See:

https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/216739-what-does-the-term-ace-mean-to-you/

 

[Tystie]

I really like this. Very clear and helpful.  

[Janus the Fox]

JANUS can also be abbreviated, probably many an abbreviations

[Snao Cone]

1 hour ago, Janus DarkFox said:

JANUS can also be abbreviated, probably many an abbreviations

I can think of a few that I won't share...

[LeChat]

4 hours ago, SilenceRadio said:

...I thought "ace" was purely an abbreviation until I found this.

4 hours ago, The Sword said:

Yes... so did The Sword.

 

 Many aces use it as an abbreviation of "asexual." Most use lowercase.

 

The only thing to be aware of is that, when capitalizing the entire word, it means something different (because it's used as an acronym for "Adverse Childhood Experiences.") ace adverse childhood experience - Google Search

[SilenceRadio]

49 minutes ago, LeChat said:

 Many aces use it as an abbreviation of "asexual." Most use lowercase.

 

The only thing to be aware of is that, when capitalizing the entire word, it means something different (because it's used as an acronym for "Adverse Childhood Experiences.") ace adverse childhood experience - Google Search

Well, it can work as an abbreviation of "asexual" anyway since asexual is included in the ace umbrella. And that's how most people have used it.

I didn't know about that, thanks for telling me! I've personally always read capitalized "ACE" to mean "Arbitrary Code Execution".

[N8ty L3asT]

3 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I can think of a few that I won't share...

Can we get a thread made up so we can abbreviate members names? @Mackenzie Holiday

[Missing]

5 minutes ago, N8ORiOS_P.A.N.D.A said:

Can we get a thread made up so we can abbreviate members names? @Mackenzie Holiday

My name is already abbreviated. My full name is Mackenzie Elizabeth Maribell Isadora Danger-Lynn Fragglebeth Umbrellaton Holiday of the Pancake Province.

[Janus the Fox]

19 minutes ago, N8ORiOS_P.A.N.D.A said:

Can we get a thread made up so we can abbreviate members names? @Mackenzie Holiday

A JFF Thread ‘Guess the Aexuality of Members abbreviated by names’ J.A.N.U.S and P.A.N.D.A is good starter names

[Missing]

Just now, Janus DarkFox said:

A JFF Thread ‘Guess the Sexuality of Members abbreviated by names’ J.A.N.U.S and P.A.N.D.A is good starter names

[N8ty L3asT]

23 minutes ago, Janus DarkFox said:

A JFF Thread ‘Guess the Aexuality of Members abbreviated by names’ J.A.N.U.S and P.A.N.D.A is good starter names

That one’s good too, the one I’m thinking is you make up what peoples names are abbreviations for.

 

example:

jalapeños

are

not

usually 

sweaty

[Janus the Fox]

44 minutes ago, Mackenzie Holiday said:

LOL, wonder what the reveal graphic could be

[Horse Ham Radio]

21 hours ago, LeChat said:

 Many aces use it as an abbreviation of "asexual." Most use lowercase.

 

The only thing to be aware of is that, when capitalizing the entire word, it means something different (because it's used as an acronym for "Adverse Childhood Experiences.") ace adverse childhood experience - Google Search

This is an extremely important point. I've seen people write it in all caps before and it can offend those who have actual ACEs. It just erases their identity.

 

I'll make sure to include this when writing the section on "Ace". I'm hoping to get a few more responses to my census poll first.

[Horse Ham Radio]

Added a section on it based on the poll results:

 

Spoiler

The term Ace
In modern usage, the term "ace" is used as an abbreviation for "asexual" in the same way "bi" is shorthand for "bisexual". Anyone on the asexual spectrum may call themselves "ace", but usually other people seeing the term will assume it means asexual as an orientation rather than someone in the grey area.

 

Historically, the term was used solely to refer to the asexual spectrum and never to the orientation. You can find out more on the history of the term in this 2016 Tumblr post: https://rotten-zucchinis.tumblr.com/post/154538375425/ace-is-an-umbrella-term-and-asexual-used

 

"Ace" should never be written in all capitals ("ACE") as this is a common acronym to mean Adverse Childhood Experiences. Using all caps can offend those who have actual ACEs. It erases their identity. Despite this, you may occasionally see it written in all caps.

 

[Horse Ham Radio]

I'm considering this guide to be complete now and have removed the disclaimer at the top. Please let me know if there is anything else you would like to see added.

[Horse Ham Radio]

I've made some small updates based on feedback I've received.

 

Some sentences have had minor rewordings to make them more neutral.

 

I have also added in stuff about the term "aro", oriented aroaces, a link to other tertiary forms of attraction, and a mention of QPRs.

 

I have turned down some ideas for more complex discussion topics as I would like to keep this guide high level and simple. For example, I have avoided talking about gender identities entirely as although such an area has large intersections with the ace community, I feel the added terms and complexity including it would bring would reduce the overall usefulness of this guide by making it too much of an information overload for newer members.

 

Maybe one day I'll write a much longer guide that dives much, much deeper into everything and covers the full range of topics important to the ace community, but that is not for this guide

[WhiteCatandcherries]

On 7/18/2021 at 2:05 PM, Spookghetti said:

There are many terms that fall under the grey spectrum. There is disagreement on exactly which terms count as grey, but the figure below lists some of the most commonly accepted ones and gives an overview of what they mean.

Hi! I have a question I would be grateful if someone could answer. I am relatively new to the community so please correct me if I say anything wrong. 

Okay, so in the above quote it could be implied that aegosexuality is a grey ace identity. Is that correct? I personally feel the label fit with me, but I hadn't considered it a grey ace identity, because if I go by the definition of asexual as someone not experiencing sexual attraction, I don't do that (and typically not experiencing sexual attraction is also decribed in the label). Is where you are on the ace spectrum defined by the amount of sexual attraction you feel or can a micro label that do not include sexual attraction also make you grey ace?

Thank you to whoever reading this! 🙂 

[SilenceRadio]

On 10/20/2021 at 3:57 PM, WhiteCatandcherries said:

Okay, so in the above quote it could be implied that aegosexuality is a grey ace identity. Is that correct? I personally feel the label fit with me, but I hadn't considered it a grey ace identity because if I go by the definition of asexual as someone not experiencing sexual attraction, I don't do that (and typically not experiencing sexual attraction is also decribed in the label).

I've never considered it one, either. Anegosexuality is a rather common experience among asexual people, and is unrelated to sexual attraction. Most anegosexual people that I've seen considered themselves asexual as well. I feel like anything that isn't "asexual" is usually stored under the gray-a umbrella, hence why it was there although it's rather unusual. As @Spaghetree wrote, "there is disagreement on exactly which terms count as grey".

 

On 10/20/2021 at 3:57 PM, WhiteCatandcherries said:

can a micro label that do not include sexual attraction also make you grey ace?

Nothing "makes" one gray-a, except identifying as such. It's only a term you can choose to adopt for yourself or not. Most demisexual people that I've seen don't consider themselves "gray" for example, although they technically do "fit" under the umbrella. One can use a term that is considered to be under a certain umbrella term without considering themselves to be part of it: I've seen one demisexual person who didn't consider themself to be a part of the "ace umbrella", for example. Some sex-favorable asexuals decide to call themselves "gray" because they relate to that part of the community more, even if they lack sexual attraction. If you feel like "anegosexual", "asexual", both, or any other term describe you best, you are free to use them. Similarly, if you feel like some terms don't necessarily describe you, you don't have to apply them to yourself.

 

On 10/20/2021 at 3:57 PM, WhiteCatandcherries said:

Is where you are on the ace spectrum defined by the amount of sexual attraction you feel

Well... that is rather debated in the community. Most people on here would say yes. In that "if you don't experience sexual attraction (or have experienced a negligible amount of it), you're asexual, and if you do, you're either gray-a/demi or (allo)sexual".

 

However, as I mentioned earlier with the sex-favorable asexual example, it's not as black and white (like the sexuality triangle!). You'll see some aroaces in the aro community who stops calling themselves ace and only use "aro" to describe their orientation. There are some sexual people who "could count" in the gray area, but feel like IDing as gray isn't useful to them, and so they just use "sexual". Frequency of sexual attraction, or even its amount, is not something that all gray-asexuals base their identity on: rather, some of them only feel certain components of sexual attraction, or the attraction they do feel is weak and sometimes almost irrelevant, it quickly fades away, perhaps it's blurry, like a gray fog. Other gray-as can sometimes even question the relevancy of "sexual attraction" in regard to their orientation, or its usefulness as a concept to them. Some feel sexual attraction but not sexual desire, and vice-versa, hence why they prefer to call themselves gray.

 

That's why defining where one falls on the "ace spectrum" by the amount/frequency of sexual attraction falls apart. One person might feel sexual attraction "frequently", but feel it very weakly everytime, and never want to act on it, and I doubt most people would say that they can't ID as asexual or gray. "Ace umbrella" avoids the conceptualization of spectrum and emphasizes that there's a lot of identities around asexuality which are similar to it, without invoking the idea of a certain amount of sexual attraction which bars one from using certain terms.