Gender... huh?????

[Ella Joy]

In the past I’ve mentally checked with myself to make sure that I wasn’t feeling like I was the wrong gender, but I’m starting to feel like it’s not so much that I’m another gender as it is that I’m just not fully female. I’m thinking I might start identifying as a demigirl.

 

The thing is, I don’t experience dysphoria (I don’t think I do anyway; it’s possible I’m just not recognizing it) or feel much of a disconnect, I’m just finding that I’m not really comfortable with the word “girl” or “woman” being associated with me. Does anyone else experience this? Could this make a person demigender?

[Sarah-Sylvia]

I think it has to be a little bit more than that to be trans, and by a little I mean enough that it's worth it for you to see or take something as part of your identity. Do you have any feelings about your female body? Are you a little uncomfortable with female traits for you? What is it that you don't like about people thinking you're female?

Since you posted about it, might as well discuss it

[Guest]

9 minutes ago, Ella Joy said:

The thing is, I don’t experience dysphoria (I don’t think I do anyway; it’s possible I’m just not recognizing it) or feel much of a disconnect, I’m just finding that I’m not really comfortable with the word “girl” or “woman” being associated with me.

Hmm.

 

My two cents here is that there has to be an amount of incongruence between your assigned gender at birth (female) and your actual gender identity. In the absence of recognisable gender dysphoria, you need to do a bit more work to figure out what you're experiencing, and whether your identity goes beyond that of a gender non-conforming cis woman. It sounds like there is some incongruence here, but whether it makes you trans or not will probably only be evident with time.

 

There are boundless depths to every woman, and being uncomfortable with female terms is not necessarily an indicator of transgenderism. You could just be distressed at misogyny, or frustrated by the social connotations of "girl" and "woman" in a deeply misogynistic and patriarchal world. I'm gonna be honest here, a lot of cis women question their gender just because female social roles are shit. And while that is totally legitimate and valid (as much as I've come to detest the word "valid" of late), I'd just caution you to consider all the different kinds of women there are in this world. There are masculine women who only wear clothes that society labels "male". There are androgynous women who are deeply distressed by feminine clothing. There are women who fluctuate between masculine and feminine presentations. All these truths can exist within womanhood, and it doesn't mean the women aren't female.

 

Demigirl is a funny label in my view, because it doesn't necessarily indicate that you're transgender, depending on how a person is using it. Some folks just use it to assert that they are their assigned gender at birth, they're just gender non-conforming or queer. Language is evolving in a funny way. Many demigirls are female in ways that I, a trans male, cannot understand. Certainly in your experience, it sounds like you do identify as female (to some extent), which is your assigned gender at birth.

 

 

13 minutes ago, Ella Joy said:

I’m starting to feel like it’s not so much that I’m another gender as it is that I’m just not fully female

I'm not saying that you're not transgender, however. It sounds like you might be non-binary. That being the case, explore yourself, take your time, and see what feels good. Here are some resources that you might like to engage with, and could inspire you.

 

Trans resources.

Androgynous women.

Non-binary self portraiture.

Chest binding (resources).

Non-binary interview.

Butch gender non-conformity.

 

 

 

[Sarah-Sylvia]

One more thing to think about for 'demigirl', is that even though someone can use it without thinking about the rest of what it brings, there is still that other part.. if it's not female, then what is it? If it's the reason to say demigirl instead of female, it does matter. Is it agender or androgynous, male, or something more complex? 

 

I bring it up because usually it's the other part that could sway how someone feels drawn in another direction than female at least a little. It could also affect how someone wants to see themselves and present. Of course presentation isn't everything since someone can be androgynous or tomboy without it being about their gender, like tony brought up, so it's good to see how it feels inside, and also how it affects how you see your body (and its sex/gender).

[Guest]

23 minutes ago, Sarah-Sylvia said:

One more thing to think about for 'demigirl', is that even though someone can use it without thinking about the rest of what it brings, there is still that other part.. if it's not female, then what is it? If it's the reason to say demigirl instead of female, it does matter. Is it agender or androgynous, male, or something more complex? 

This is very true. Being drawn to "demigirl" over just "girl" suggests a non-normative gender experience, whether that ultimately ends up being a transgender experience or not. Either way OP, exploring your gender and presentation will likely be very valuable ^v^

[Karst]

I've said this before on other threads, but it's normal for this kind of thing to take a while to figure out.  Keep in mind that identity is a complicated thing, and there's no shame in changing how you label yourself.

[aring91]

Yeah, I relate a lot to how you are feeling. I'm trying to figure some of these things out right now for myself and am just slowly trying to process things.