minimcwitch Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Hi! So I have identified as asexual for years and years. 6 months ago I started dating and I'm in a solid happy relationship now. I told him right at the beginning that I was asexual and explained what it means. But lately, I've felt sexually attracted and even to the point where I feel like I want to try having sex. Even writing these words makes me uncomfortable because it's so alien to me. We live together and sleep in the same bed together so I can see how this has developed my attraction. I haven't got a clue how to bring it up without feeling really bloody awkward about it. Should I explain the demisexual thing and suggest maybe I relate to that and my feelings are developing? Help!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Madelise Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 2 minutes ago, minimcwitch said: I haven't got a clue how to bring it up without feeling really bloody awkward about it. Should I explain the demisexual thing and suggest maybe I relate to that and my feelings are developing? Help!!!!! I was just about to say that I think that's what it is. It sounds like to me you might be demisexual, but of course, that's for you to decide in the end. I'm demisexual and this kind of situation is what happened with my current partner. I wasn't sexually attracted to them at first, but then after some time, I was. Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Just tell him that you think you’re experiencing sexual attraction for the first time Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 49 minutes ago, minimcwitch said: Should I explain the demisexual thing and suggest maybe I relate to that and my feelings are developing? Help!!!!! Yeah basically. I imagine the scary part is losing a word that you used to identify with. Maybe instead, try seeing it as growing into something new. You weren't wrong before, and you aren't losing anything, you're just gaining new experience and getting to understand yourself better. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 Wow, blast from the past there. I remember ya. Quote Should I explain the demisexual thing and suggest maybe I relate to that and my feelings are developing? Well, yes, probably. Is the other guy sexual? I mean, honestly, unless he's opposed to having sex for some reason, he's likely to be flattered to be the one to spark that kind of thing in you. If your relationship is solid like you say, there's likely nothing to be afraid of with regard to awkwardness. I get that it's one thing for me to say that and it's another thing for you to really believe that yourself, but I really do think that you'll be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Artila Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 randomly jumping in to say thank you to remind me that this does happen and it can happen to me too if I ever have a relationship. Anyway what greater compliment is there for someone to hear than "Hey I never experienced sexual attraction so far... but it is different with you"? Be straightforward What could go wrong? And you feeling weird about it will probably make it even better and more authentic so don't worry about possible awkwardness. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted August 3, 2020 Share Posted August 3, 2020 I'd stay away from "labels" entirely and just tell him how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
SweetIcedTea Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 I'd bring up demisexuality. Tell your partner everything, and also let him know that you're worried because you feel like you're losing your identity. You can bring up your confusion because you share the same bed,too. Labels can make or break you. I used to doubt being ace because I couldn't check every box in each category. Today, I'm happy to have a complicated ace/aro identity and have accepted the fact that,when I start dating,there is a chance that I'll discover I'm Demi. Link to post Share on other sites
Marlow1 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like Link to post Share on other sites
QueenOfTheRats Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 yay for you Link to post Share on other sites
JustanotherTobigirl Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 I didn't discover I was demsexual until I was 25. This sounds pretty simuliar to how it felt for me. Link to post Share on other sites
SimoneSonder Posted August 31, 2020 Share Posted August 31, 2020 It sounds like you're really comfortable with this person, and that's an excellent first step towards having a healthy, honest, and open discussion about sex, regardless of where you fall on the ace-spectrum. As much of a comfort as labels can be, I think they also make us feel a bit pigeon-holed and more confused than is necessary at times. If you feel comfortable enough with doing so, just talk with your partner about what your feelings are, labels be damned! Even if you feel like your sexuality is being thrown through a loop, you are so valid and so awesome. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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