aazzll Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I've only had sex once, and it lasted for about 30 minutes and neither of us finished. After that I realized there's really no point in it and i'm actually almost afraid of having sex with someone in fear that i might not finish, or both of us, and they judge me or something i wouldn't want happening, happens. I'll masturbate and i want a relationship, i just don't really want to have sex until a longgg way into the relationship when i feel that it's right, assuming i'll get that feeling. I'm trying to figure out if asexual is the right term or if there's even a term for it, it just kinda feels that once i have a word for it then it's all explained, even though i doubt i'll mention whatever the term might be to anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 22 minutes ago, aazzll said: i just don't really want to have sex until a longgg way into the relationship when i feel that it's right, assuming i'll get that feeling I think that's the definition of a demisexual Link to post Share on other sites
aazzll Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 6 minutes ago, teayah said: I think that's the definition of a demisexual the only thing with that is the sexual attraction can be there before an emotional connection, i just dont want to do anything sex related until i know for a fact that it'll go smoothly or if it doesn't, it won't negatively affect the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, aazzll said: the only thing with that is the sexual attraction can be there before an emotional connection, i just dont want to do anything sex related until i know for a fact that it'll go smoothly or if it doesn't, it won't negatively affect the relationship. it's your choice, you can call yourself what you think you are. maybe a gray-asexual or a demisexual or just an asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
iamok Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 43 minutes ago, aazzll said: the only thing with that is the sexual attraction can be there before an emotional connection, i just dont want to do anything sex related until i know for a fact that it'll go smoothly or if it doesn't, it won't negatively affect the relationship. HI Aazzll, welcome to the community Even I am new here and I identify as a demi sexual. From my experience and understanding, I feel this to be more an abstinence than a natural feeling. What I mean is, it feels more like a choice than having no control over it. Please do correct me if I am wrong in what I understanding from you. Maybe read up a little more on terms on the ace spectrum, and see what you relate with the most. If you still can't figure it out, we are here! Have a great day! Link to post Share on other sites
AmusedSkeptic Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 From your description, it sounds similar to graysexuality, although only you can decide what label fits the best Link to post Share on other sites
bikingbed Posted June 27, 2020 Share Posted June 27, 2020 On 6/23/2020 at 6:31 AM, aazzll said: the only thing with that is the sexual attraction can be there before an emotional connection, i just dont want to do anything sex related until i know for a fact that it'll go smoothly or if it doesn't, it won't negatively affect the relationship. I think your sexuality then might not be purely asexual, maybe not even grey sexual. However, I am neither you nor a professional and I am definitely not saying you can't be or identify as ace. However, I think sexuality is based on attraction and the fact whether you act to it or not is another fact, usually mostly based on previous experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Fumi Posted July 2, 2020 Share Posted July 2, 2020 On 6/22/2020 at 11:02 PM, aazzll said: I've only had sex once, and it lasted for about 30 minutes and neither of us finished. After that I realized there's really no point in it and i'm actually almost afraid of having sex with someone in fear that i might not finish, or both of us, and they judge me or something i wouldn't want happening, happens This looks like your answer right here, friend. Anxiety or fear surrounding sex can develop after an uncomfortable experience. Sounds to me like you had an uncomfortable experience. As far as I can tell, you most likely need some help understanding and working through your anxiety. Trying to place a label on yourself beforehand might just confuse you more. Though I'm no psychiatrist, I'd say you should look for ways to put less pressure on yourself. The point of sex, like with other things, is whatever you make it out to be. Just because you didn't finish, doesn't mean you're "doing it wrong". Good luck, and I hope you eventually find the answers you're looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
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