dashcraft1 Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Hi, I'm Darlene, 51 and happily single but I could fall in love with the right person if they were asexual. I don't know if I'm asexual bi or lesbian. Right now I can most see myself with a woman in a non-sexual but loving way. I just don't know how to find someone like that? This question has probably been asked a hundred times already but does anyone have any ideas? Peace! Link to post Share on other sites
Placebo Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 Hm m m m m m. . . --look for people wearing purple or upside down triangles. --go to any meetups in your area --browse the forum . . . ? --develop A-dar technology and use it to winnow out the other 99% of the world. --or. . . erm. . . walk up to people and ask them. . . ? Sorry, those are off the top of my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Cacille Posted October 11, 2006 Share Posted October 11, 2006 www.asexualove.net There is one on dykal.net, the address is in a sticky somewhere, I think it's in the "relationships" catagory. Link to post Share on other sites
dashcraft1 Posted October 11, 2006 Author Share Posted October 11, 2006 I just ordered an AVEN t shirt. Maybe someone will see me wearing it and it will start a conversation? I noticed there weren't any purple shirts. What does purple have to do with asexuality? Link to post Share on other sites
KAGU143 Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 The purple thing is just teasing or wishful thinking, I think. But seriously, quite a few of the regular posters here have ended up meeting others and some deep and lasting friendships have resulted - even a marriage! The best thing to do seems to be to stick around here at AVEN, participate, and get to know people while they get to know you. -GB Link to post Share on other sites
dashcraft1 Posted October 12, 2006 Author Share Posted October 12, 2006 Thanks for the info... I started looking at this message board several months ago but didn't really get into posting that much at the time. I really do want to meet someone. I've just come to that conclusion. I'd like a close, intimate friend. I don't know about living together. I'm a loner and love my privacy. But I'm quite loving and have some good qualities to offer. I need to read more of this board and find out the statistics of asexuals vs "others"... (I just watched Lost and now I'm thinking of sex loving people as others. LOL... Can't wait to get my t shirt! Link to post Share on other sites
clouddancerss Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 I've been wondering that too, about meeting people.I am seperated from my husband, but our marriage was over long before that.I'm thinking I'd like to have a loving relationship with a woman, because women are naturally more in tune with other women, and more loving. Link to post Share on other sites
BlacKat Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 I filled out a profile on that site. Too soon to know if it'll do any good I guess :D While looking for this site, I'd found another one that made use of the term platonic life partner and it really struck a cord with me. Always open to new friends though :) Link to post Share on other sites
roddy9uk Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 If you want to meet people (of any sort) then the best thing is to..err..meet people. You don't meet people through on-line ads as often as you meet them by joining in some form of real-life society. Now I accept that the problem is that people do not generally parade the sexuality (or lack of it) which may well mean talking to another asexual without either one of you knowing what you are looking for..so.. Find the nearest BDSM group and meet them. This is not as daft an idea as it might first sound. BDSM encompasses all sexualities but more importantly, because of this, people in it are not as shy as other sabout discussing sexuality..or lack of it. Of course, it no more guarantees you will meet a soul-mate than any other way but at least you get to meet people who will not fall down in shock horror just because you are "different". roddy Link to post Share on other sites
brian_w Posted November 14, 2006 Share Posted November 14, 2006 Find the nearest BDSM group and meet them. This is not as daft an idea as it might first sound. BDSM encompasses all sexualities but more importantly, because of this, people in it are not as shy as other sabout discussing sexuality..or lack of it. I'd agree with roddy here. The bdsm community isn't just about sex etc, it's also a good way to find out more about yourself. Despite the negative press it often gets, many of the underlying principles are basic life values - caring about other people, respecting others, humility and a whole host of other things. Find a 'munch' in your area, pop along with an open mind, and meet up with people who are friendly, open minded and just plain fun to be with. Here in the UK at least, many munch organisers run a 'meet & greet' system, where the nervous newcomer can be met outside the munch venue or close by, and introduced to the rest of the group. From Wikipedia: "A munch (short for burger munch) is a low-pressure social gathering for people involved in or interested in BDSM, usually at a restaurant. When available, munches often use a private room. In the UK, the venue is usually a pub, and people are free to arrive and leave within the specified hours. The primary purpose is socializing, though some munches also have announcements from local organizations. Munches often help those who are curious about the lifestyle meet others who may be able to help them become more comfortable and better informed. Munches can also be a place to get advice about or pass on anecdotes about BDSM experiences." Being single, shy and not interested in sexual liaisons (and never had a proper girl friend either), I joined the bdsm community in 1997, and since then have been in 3 non-sexual but nonetheless very rewarding (on an emotional level) 'relationships', and made some very good friends along the way. It's certainly worth considering. Link to post Share on other sites
dogmom Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 OK I am a bit uneducated here. Would you mind explaining what BSDM means? I have never heard that term. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
brian_w Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 BDSM is any of a number of related patterns of human sexual behavior. The major subgroupings are described in the abbreviation "BDSM" itself: Bondage & Discipline (B&D) Domination & Submission (D&S) Sadism & Masochism (or Sadomasochism) (S&M) Link to post Share on other sites
BlacKat Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 I've got to admit that the last place I'd think to meet asexual friends would be a BDSM meet up. Not saying it wouldn't work, just saying it's not something I can really wrap my head around. Link to post Share on other sites
roddy9uk Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 I've got to admit that the last place I'd think to meet asexual friends would be a BDSM meet up. Not saying it wouldn't work, just saying it's not something I can really wrap my head around. That is because of a basic misconception about BDSM (not helped it has to say by a lot of its "adherents"). Although it is USED for sexual pleasure by perhaps the majority of its members that is in a way a bit like saying bed-manufactures make beds for the sex-market. BDSM is in fact all about personal control (in my view) whether self-control or the willing control of others and in doing so an exploration of the various "sensations" that can be experienced..both pain and pleasure. It is the mastery of these sensations that is the aim of BDSM. There is also the "image" of whips leather and chains that the general populace have of it. While there is indeed a place for these you would be most unlikely to see this at a "munch", just otherwise normal people discussing various activities that are perhaps , well, not normal! roddy Link to post Share on other sites
lux Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 I don't like BDSM groups,I fear it,I think that they are dangerous and very strange,I would prefer meeting asexual people in another more ordinary places,even in this forum,for example,I would like meeting any nice woman about 40 years old to begin a beautiful friendship. :) Link to post Share on other sites
roddy9uk Posted November 15, 2006 Share Posted November 15, 2006 The unknown is always dangerous lux..to those who haven't yet found out..the BDSM code is "Safe, Sane, and with Consent". Not much room for danger there! One thing I can tell you is that you would be hard-pushed to find a more supportive group of people (and more understanding). roddy Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I'm inclined to answer the original question thus: basically, Darlene, you don't meet other asexuals. I'm a 39 yo single man who's been waiting and looking for the right woman since I was in my teens, but the fact that she hasn't shown up has turned me into something of a bad-tempered dirty fighter. Link to post Share on other sites
tallfreak Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 The unknown is always dangerous lux..to those who haven't yet found out..the BDSM code is "Safe, Sane, and with Consent". Not much room for danger there!One thing I can tell you is that you would be hard-pushed to find a more supportive group of people (and more understanding). roddy I agree with you. A few things I'd like to add is that many scenes (acted scenarios) are well planned and many times do NOT involve sex. It’s about power exchange and the rush that accompanies it. There is a lot of work that goes into it (and it well worth it.) Unfortunately the media has presented a lot of negative stereotypes about BDSM. Link to post Share on other sites
nvrcrywlf Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 I would be very interested in meeting an asexual lady in or around Northeastern Pennsylvania but I have never met an asexual in my life and had never run across the word until a few years ago on the internet. There are a few Yahoo Groups for asexuals but most of the posters are much younger than I am (I'm 63) or live on the other side of the country or want to relocate there. I continue to look and hope. nvrcrywlf Link to post Share on other sites
lux Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Yahoo groups for asexuals?How interesting subject!!!,please,tell me more,I am trying to find somebody special to me too, asexual like me,but younger,so I tell you "good luck" in your searching. Link to post Share on other sites
nvrcrywlf Posted November 16, 2006 Share Posted November 16, 2006 Yahoo groups for asexuals?How interesting subject!!!,please,tell me more,I am trying to find somebody special to me too, asexual like me,but younger,so I tell you "good luck" in your searching. Hi: There is a non-Yahoo Group http://www.asexuallove.net and a few Yahoo Groups that can be found via the search on (searching for asexual, asexuality, etc.) http://www.yahoogroups.com imo the best of these is the "Haven for the Human Amoeba" group; for some reason there are almost no posts in any of these groups recently. nvrcrywlf Link to post Share on other sites
BlacKat Posted November 17, 2006 Share Posted November 17, 2006 My only issue with Yahoo groups is that there never seem to be any posts to them. I was happily surprised to see how active this forum is. :) Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 I'm inclined to answer the original question thus: basically, Darlene, you don't meet other asexuals. I'm a 39 yo single man who's been waiting and looking for the right woman since I was in my teens, but the fact that she hasn't shown up has turned me into something of a bad-tempered dirty fighter. Well now THAT'S encouraging and inspiring. Darlene, I don't know the answer to your question. I've met other asexuals (through the site). None that have blossomed into relationships, but yes, you DO meet other asexuals if you're friendly, approchable and have a good outlook on life. Link to post Share on other sites
Orpheus Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 I dont meet people, between work and school and spending time with my cats, there is just no time. Yes, i know, I live in an abandoded crack hosue with my cats watchign Goziila movies and not dating, I am a steryotype, adn damn proud of it. CRAZY CAT PEOPLE OF THE WROLD UNITE!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
roddy9uk Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 My only issue with Yahoo groups is that there never seem to be any posts to them. I was happily surprised to see how active this forum is. :) If you join a Yahoo group that appears inactive..easy..make it "active" by posting. Sure it does take a little patience but if YOU think you would like to see more posts so will many others. It is unfortunately easier to respond to a post than to initiate one but it doesn't really hurt (much) to start one off. roddy Link to post Share on other sites
violeteyedsoul Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 I dont meet people, between work and school and spending time with my cats, there is just no time.Yes, i know, I live in an abandoded crack hosue with my cats watchign Goziila movies and not dating, I am a steryotype, adn damn proud of it. CRAZY CAT PEOPLE OF THE WROLD UNITE!!!! WOOT! WOOT! YES! we must all UNITE! Just like the HERMITS! :-D Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 My only issue with Yahoo groups is that there never seem to be any posts to them. I was happily surprised to see how active this forum is. :) I agree with your post Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 I want to know the million dollar question.Where do i find fellow Asexual in California? Link to post Share on other sites
Bluejeanbabe Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 www.asexualove.net I have also found this to be good. Seems like it is not really that busy, and not alot of posts, but perhaps you can find someone there in your area. Link to post Share on other sites
pinkfizzie Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 I agree Lux, the concept of bdsm is foreign to me and I am not interested. Call me a chicken. I think it is significantly harder for women asexuals to meet men asex. Simply, the numbers do not match up. Now I am at aarp age( 50) and it is not getting any easier. I am adjusting to being alone now but for years it bothered me. Link to post Share on other sites
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