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Rice Bowl

Never Been in Love

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Rice Bowl

22. Female. Heteroromantic. Asexual

 

So I’ve never been in love, and I’m fine with that but it also seems kind of odd to me. It made me start questioning if I really am into guys. I mean, I have had crushes: which to me is more about them being physically cute. And I’ve liked guys: which is the friendship and they’re super cute and i like to hug them lots

 

but I've never LOVED anyone. I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 8 months and I have tons of fun hanging out and feel so comfortable sharing all my feelings but I see no future for us and don’t have the feelings I think most people would have at this point. (Also I had 3 boyfriends before him. All shorter relationships but same deal)

 

I’m pretty sure this is more of a “me problem” then an orientation thing, but I was wondering if anyone felt the same way. I think I just know how to make myself happier than any man can. But also, what do I know 😅

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elizabeth17

if what you're referring to as being "in love" is romantic attraction then you may be aromantic. Romantic interest (or so I'm told) isn't the same as aesthetic attraction, platonic attraction, or sensual attraction (which is the desire for touch- could be anything from hand holding, hugging, cuddling, kissing, etc.). I'm kinda more demi-romantic or wtf-romantic myself (really unsure what romantic attraction even is lol). Although I'd consider myself in love with my current partner but idk how to label our love. For me I've come to realize I may never figure out my romantic orientation, and im ok with that!

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Sarah-Sylvia

Try women :D

Heh. jk, but it may really just be that you need someone much more of a certain way (compatible) in order to feel more love. Some people don't know how to love, or there's things in the way. Enjoying and having fun with someone is good too. Some people fall in love very easily, others not so much. I wouldn't say it has to do with romance naturally, but I will say if there's such a thing as romantic drive, which I think there is, it can really make some people 'want' to fall in love and makes it even easier.

I'm pretty romantic myself, and I've fallen in love in the past so I know it's possible, I do find myself much much more picky now, and I don't know how easy it'd be at this point. But definitely if I found a right person, I could let myself fall in love easily enough :)

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Ennis

I thought this was gonna be a thread about the song "Never been in love"

Spoiler

 

 

Anyway....

3 hours ago, Rice Bowl said:

I’m pretty sure this is more of a “me problem” then an orientation thing

I don't really get the difference. Orientations are just ways to describe how a person feels. A person can either say "I rarely fall in love" or "I'm greyromantic". The former is easier to understand, the latter gives a sense of validity and community instead of differentness.

Maybe you just haven't been in love yet. Or maybe you aren't 100% romantic. Maybe you just expect too much of romance. I'm no relationship expert so I'd better shut up now. Good luck to you!

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Kersenne

Same here, I've been attracted to guys, and girls, but have never been in love - well, I can only compare to how friends and family act when they're with their lovers to know that I've never felt this way. I've been dating a man I really like to be with for a couple of months now, and have told him I will probably never fall in love with him, and this idea bothers me more than him - because I have that expectation that I should be in love to be in a relationship.

I spent a lot of time thinking about it and realise now that I probably think this way because that's what I've been told my whole life - "don't be with someone you don't love", "you can't have sex if you're not in love", "you marry someone you love". Somehow, "love" seems to be a prerequisite to build a relationship, and to be happy in life.

Well, scientists have shown that falling in love does not necessarily make someone happier in life. You don't need to be in love to be happy. And talking about it with my boyfriend, he said he didn't care whether I was in love with him or not - it doesn't matter to him because he wants to be with me, not to be in love with me. 

So you can be in a relationship without being in love, and that's perfectly fine if you like it/are happy that way. 

I hope that helps!

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Janus DarkFox

Same, I haven’t been in love at any point for men or women, despite being in a relationship with another man, there is nothing in terms of love.  I think this extends to family love itself. It’s either a lack of romantic attraction and development or a lack of recognising love on a social level, which is typical of my autism.

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Rice Bowl
On 12/11/2019 at 12:04 PM, Kersenne said:

 I've been dating a man I really like to be with for a couple of months now, and have told him I will probably never fall in love with him...

 

On 12/11/2019 at 12:04 PM, Kersenne said:

Well, scientists have shown that falling in love does not necessarily make someone happier in life. You don't need to be in love to be happy. And talking about it with my boyfriend, he said he didn't care whether I was in love with him or not - it doesn't matter to him because he wants to be with me, not to be in love with me. 

So you can be in a relationship without being in love, and that's perfectly fine if you like it/are happy that way. 

I hope that helps!

Okay, honestly this made me feel so much better! I told my bf the same thing about 4 months ago but it really broke his heart. We are still together and still happy. I think I needed to hear this because I often feel the two go hand in hand.

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AJ 0688

OK I always get confused with these acronyms. So Hetero romantic is you like romance with men? If so that's me too.

 

Secondly romantic love is a strong emotional bond that tells you "I adore this man". It's going that extra mile to make the man your with happy and to let them know in small ways how special they are to you. Like taking them somewhere nice for their birthday and inviting all their friends, thinking long and hard about gifts for them, setting up romantic dinners at home on valentines day as a surprise for when they come home from work (he did that for me) , slow dancing in the living room to crooners like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin just to be close, spending your weekend mornings in bed just cuddling and talking about nothing. 

 

Just be careful because I think romantic love can hurt more than anything else when they end. 

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Gnome.1

You can love someone without being in love with them.  You can go between the two with someone as well.  Love them now, in love a year or so later,  just love them a year after that.   It happens,  life isn't all Rose's when you try to intertwine lives.  Wants an needs can get sacrificed for the other or they sacrifice for you and you won't always know it's happening.   The real thing is that if they make you happy and you find yourself wanting to be around them then it doesn't matter how you label the feelings.   You are valid in calling it whatever you want,  but don't think less of yourself because your feelings don't fit what others tell you they should to define what love is. 

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