Anyone using Tinder since they added 'Asexual' as a possible orientation?

[Princess KittenSparkles]

Has anyone had any success? I know that Tinder is primarily known for its hookup culture and hypersexualized profiles, but I thought MAYBE just MAYBE it would be a bit better now that they've diversified the playing field. But jeeeeeeeeezzzzzz is it still so bad. It's a bit frustrating to navigate dating as a hetero-romantic asexual in spaces that are dominated by heterosexuality. I have tried OkCupid and that one, although a bit better in terms of the community being more open-minded and diverse, its still bad. I leave feeling frustrated at my own sexuality first and at society second for being so closed-minded to different sexualities in 2019. (I HAVE gone on very nice and respectful dates from OKC though so I must give it some credit).

 

Sorry that was a bit of a rant. Anyway yeah - Has anyone had any success on Tinder? Or any other dating apps? How do you guys (for those of us that want relationships or like to date around) navigate the dating scene as an asexual? Any tips you can share? 😩

 

I want those pumpkin spice scented, corn maze walking, hay ride laughing, apple bobbing, spooky dates that you see in movies! Haha just kidding...unless....👀

[RosyLeo]

8 minutes ago, Princess KittenSparkles said:

I want those pumpkin spice scented, corn maze walking, hay ride laughing, apple bobbing, spooky dates that you see in movies! Haha just kidding...unless....👀

this unexpectedly sent me

 

I've never tried any dating apps so I don't have any advice.  I think it's super cool Tinder has the option for asexuals though.  What do you find bad about it?

[Princess KittenSparkles]

1 minute ago, t. Ro said:

this unexpectedly sent me

 

I've never tried any dating apps so I don't have any advice.  I think it's super cool Tinder has the option for asexuals though.  What do you find bad about it?

Haha, glad I could provide some laughter! 😁

 

I think it's a wonderful concept that now dating apps are starting to include other sexualities and among them, us! What is bad about it is that...I swear to god, but no one reads on Tinder. The first words on my profile is about my asexuality and yet I still get messages asking for hookups or couples looking to try threesomes and I was *just* the gal for the job

 🤬

[DemiKittenKat]

I'm a little surprised Tinder added Asexual as an option, I avoided Tinder at all costs because of it's reputation as a hookup app. I mainly just used Bumble and PlentyOfFish, and I'd meet some decent people, but online dating is definitely frustrating when you just want a romantic relationship; and when you'd STRONGLY prefer to keep it only as a romantic relationship... without the sex. 

[fooledbysecrecy]

i've never used any dating things for obvious reasons but have recently thought maybe i could find local cat owners through them, just to go play with their cats. 

 

ps.

@Princess KittenSparkles LOVE the kitten in your avatar!!!!! 😻

[Juneprincess18]

I joined Tinder for this reason. I hate it. They need to have an option to search for other Asexuals because it only matches me with people who don’t even list their sexual orientation. I kind of feel  like Tinder trying to be inclusive of the Ace community by adding the label is like a steakhouse trying to be inclusive of vegetarians by adding a single veggie burger to their menu. It is nice they did it and it is better than nothing but it clearly was never designed for Asexuals in the first place, just like a vegetarian probably wouldn’t want to eat at a steakhouse as their first choice but if forced to they would have an option. 

 

Okcupid seems to be better but again I cannot figure out how to search for other asexual people. Does anyone know how to do this?

[Phalena]

So Tinder is now absurd? I thought it was an app to find one-night-stands specifically? So, people have now turned it into a dating-app... But why having Tinder then? There are so many other dating plattformes on which you can get sexually offended while hoping to find "that special one". Oh well.... .... .... ....

[Princess KittenSparkles]

6 hours ago, fooledbysecrecy said:

 

ps.

@Princess KittenSparkles LOVE the kitten in your avatar!!!!! 😻

Thank you! He's my furbaby ❤️ His name is Pepper 😊

 

5 hours ago, Juneprincess18 said:

I joined Tinder for this reason. I hate it. They need to have an option to search for other Asexuals because it only matches me with people who don’t even list their sexual orientation. I kind of feel  like Tinder trying to be inclusive of the Ace community by adding the label is like a steakhouse trying to be inclusive of vegetarians by adding a single veggie burger to their menu. It is nice they did it and it is better than nothing but it clearly was never designed for Asexuals in the first place, just like a vegetarian probably wouldn’t want to eat at a steakhouse as their first choice but if forced to they would have an option. 

 

Okcupid seems to be better but again I cannot figure out how to search for other asexual people. Does anyone know how to do this?

Haha that analogy is perfect! I agree with this. They need to do a better job about tweaking their app to better include other people if they want to add more sexualities. It's as if they half-assed their attempt at being more inclusionary lol. The one good thing about Tinder is that everyone uses it, therefore you are bound to find people in your area. I wish that were true of the other dating apps 😕 There's a new one called ACEapp specifically for asexuals - only problem is the majority of people are in European countries 😑

 

I found out how! Open app > Discovery > at the top where it says 'Search' it should let you change your filters to what you're looking for! It's neat. 

[Dreamer23]

3 hours ago, Princess KittenSparkles said:

9 hours ago, Juneprincess18 said:

Okcupid seems to be better but again I cannot figure out how to search for other asexual people. Does anyone know how to do this?

I found out how! Open app > Discovery > at the top where it says 'Search' it should let you change your filters to what you're looking for! It's neat. 

Yep, OkC definitely lets you filter for aces!

KittenSparkles' description is spot on for the app. If you're on desktop using their website, it's instead under "Search" and then just change the second filter there from "who are interested in x" to "who are asexual"

 

That being said, the pool of aces is likely to be pretty small in your area - and the number of ones you'd be interested in dating might therefore be diminishingly small 

You could consider searching for non-aces as well on OkC that have answered the questions "Would you consider dating someone who has no interest in sex and experiences no sexual attraction?" and "Would you date someone who was looking for true love - but no sex, at all, ever?" with yes.

 

Whatever app and option you choose - good luck!  

[Nylocke]

Noooo tinder is scary xD

[Juneprincess18]

On 10/5/2019 at 11:39 AM, Dreamer23 said:

Yep, OkC definitely lets you filter for aces!

KittenSparkles' description is spot on for the app. If you're on desktop using their website, it's instead under "Search" and then just change the second filter there from "who are interested in x" to "who are asexual"

 

That being said, the pool of aces is likely to be pretty small in your area - and the number of ones you'd be interested in dating might therefore be diminishingly small 

You could consider searching for non-aces as well on OkC that have answered the questions "Would you consider dating someone who has no interest in sex and experiences no sexual attraction?" and "Would you date someone who was looking for true love - but no sex, at all, ever?" with yes.

 

Whatever app and option you choose - good luck!  

Thanks @Dreamer23and @princess kitten sparkles. I figured out how to do it and have only 6 people in my age range of 30-40 within 25 miles. I might need to expand to further geographically. 

 

Do you know if there is an option to search those questions without paying for a membership? I would prefer not to have to pay if possible.

 

[Dreamer23]

1 minute ago, Juneprincess18 said:

Do you know if there is an option to search those questions without paying for a membership? I would prefer not to have to pay if possible.

You unfortunately can't, but the way OkC works, I'd just answer them both and rate them to the max - that generally works very well and will make those people float to the top 

[Guest]

I've no interest in dating apps at all. Even if I cared for finding a partner I wouldn't trust the algorithm of tinder or any other app. They want you to use their apps as much as possible, so they won't let you find at partner (or whatever you are searching for) too fast or even not at all. It is nice they added "asexual" as an option. But, if you stick to the vegetarian analogy, for me it is like a lettuce leaf on a steak for a vegetarian.

[Lisa Smith]

I used asexualitic and met up with a guy. He spent the whole time on his phone, there was no conversation and it was painful. When I said I didn't want to meet up again he said 'I'm better off dead then.' So that has put me right off. I haven't met up with anyone since. So sick of being single!  x

[Alejandrogynous]

I've been on Tinder for about a month (mostly out of boredom) and so far it's been waaayyy better than my OKC experience. I think mostly because you have to match with someone to be able to message, so I don't get flooded with ignorant/gross messages every day like on OKC. Matches don't happen often so there's that, but the few people I have matched with have been chill. 

 

To be fair though, I'm not really trying to date. I'm just there to (metaphorically) fuck around a little.

[MegantheDreamer]

I’ve definitely tried many dating apps - I did try Tinder for a time before I realized that I was ace and before they added the option. I usually managed to avoid the people who would straight out ask for hook-ups thankfully. I met my current partner on bumble actually (which doesn’t have an asexual option) and it’s been going well. It definitely took a lot of time and patience on the apps but you never know. I also always made it a point to bring up sexuality in some way on the first date. I didn’t necessarily always tell them that first date but I tried to get a feeling to gauge if they would be open to it and if I though they would be open to it I would tell them - if not there was no second date.

[Princess KittenSparkles]

5 hours ago, MegantheDreamer said:

I’ve definitely tried many dating apps - I did try Tinder for a time before I realized that I was ace and before they added the option. I usually managed to avoid the people who would straight out ask for hook-ups thankfully. I met my current partner on bumble actually (which doesn’t have an asexual option) and it’s been going well. It definitely took a lot of time and patience on the apps but you never know. I also always made it a point to bring up sexuality in some way on the first date. I didn’t necessarily always tell them that first date but I tried to get a feeling to gauge if they would be open to it and if I though they would be open to it I would tell them - if not there was no second date.

How do you bring up asexuality on the first date? I've had many first dates and for me it feels like this giant elephant in the room that I wanted to bring forth but I don't know how without making the vibe awkward...

[wyrdwyrm]

On 10/5/2019 at 10:09 AM, Princess KittenSparkles said:

Thank you! He's my furbaby ❤️ His name is Pepper 😊

 

Aww my favorite cat when I was growing up was also named Pepper. ❤️❤️❤️ 

[Andrei]

I am using okc but no luck till now 😐

[Princess KittenSparkles]

9 hours ago, Andrei said:

I am using okc but no luck till now 😐

Same here! OKC at least gives us that safety blanket of it being more inclusive of varying sexualities and it actually tries its best at showing it. I haven't had many dates on there though, I have had more on Tinder.

[Internetlionboy]

I don't have much interest in dating apps and think it'll stay like that lmao

[Missing]

On 10/8/2019 at 10:26 PM, Windspiel said:

But, if you stick to the vegetarian analogy, for me it is like a lettuce leaf on a steak for a vegetarian.

Yeah, this is pretty much how I feel about it, I say as someone who's never used tinder. On the bright side, though... if asexual is an option now, that means anyone who makes an account going forward will see the word "asexual" when they sign up. And that might lead a small portion of them to, like, google it or whatever. So that's something.

[AspieAlly613]

On 10/16/2019 at 9:07 PM, Princess KittenSparkles said:

How do you bring up asexuality on the first date? I've had many first dates and for me it feels like this giant elephant in the room that I wanted to bring forth but I don't know how without making the vibe awkward...

It depends on the style of first date.

[Andrei]

5 hours ago, Princess KittenSparkles said:

Same here! OKC at least gives us that safety blanket of it being more inclusive of varying sexualities and it actually tries its best at showing it. I haven't had many dates on there though, I have had more on Tinder.

Yeah . Okc is doing great at showing asexual people . Does not show me anyone from my country 😂

[Snow in the background]

9 hours ago, Andrei said:

Yeah . Okc is doing great at showing asexual people . Does not show me anyone from my country 😂

Of course, asexuality is very taboo in our country.

la noi în țară chestia asta e foarte tabu...

[Snao Cone]

On 10/15/2019 at 6:33 AM, Lisa Smith said:

I used asexualitic and met up with a guy. He spent the whole time on his phone, there was no conversation and it was painful. When I said I didn't want to meet up again he said 'I'm better off dead then.' So that has put me right off. I haven't met up with anyone since. So sick of being single!  x

Yikes.

[Squirrel Combat]

Ugh! I tried Tinder, and I compromised a credit card on there 🥵.

 

[naakka]

I feel like dating apps of any sort don't work so well because I'm not there to date in the first place. It does not feel right to meet people who have finding the partner as their first (/only) goal. I'd rather just hang out & chat, and if you seem like a decent person and like we could become friends, then I'd maybe like to meet irl to hang out some more... I'm the person who doesn't "move forward" and thus everyone hates on dating apps 😂

[AspieAlly613]

On 5/12/2020 at 2:37 AM, naakka said:

I feel like dating apps of any sort don't work so well because I'm not there to date in the first place. It does not feel right to meet people who have finding the partner as their first (/only) goal. I'd rather just hang out & chat, and if you seem like a decent person and like we could become friends, then I'd maybe like to meet irl to hang out some more... I'm the person who doesn't "move forward" and thus everyone hates on dating apps 😂

Yes, I came to the same realization that one time that I tried making a profile on a dating site, tried writing down my views on romance, and realized "Wow, I have no reason to be here.  This is specifically for people who are looking to satisfy romance as an achievement."

[Someone Else]

I've been pondering experimenting with sex someday, before I die of old age or something.  So maybe.  I'm curious about being asexual on a site obsessed with sex.  I've been so invisible and unwanted in much of my life that being wanted by a sexual person has started to feel better than being wanted by no one at all.