ineedhelp:( Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Yesterday I discovered I was Asexual. It was really annoying and made me sad, because we all have an idea on what we what to be, and that isn't what I wanted to be. I have nothing against asexual people, I just want to be able to do some things that this is holding me from doing now or in the future. Anyway, back to the actual question: Am I actually asexual if I have a fetish and find girls attractive? I don't want to say what the fetish is, but all I can say is that it isn't really sexual, just related to the body. I've also read that when your asexual and have a fetish, it means your sexuality is actually your fetish, which I find hard to believe. I guess I'm not an adult yet, but most of my friends are interested in sex stuff. I'm interested, i just don't want to pursue it, and i don't have fetishes most guys have such as boobs and vagina stuff. Please help, guys. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 @ineedhelp:( Welcome to AVEN! Asexuality is not a lack of libido, but a lack of Sexual Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone. Meaning an Asexual can experience arousal, and have sex, but if what you're feeling doesn't lead to the desire to have sex with the person you're feeling it towards, then it's not Sexual Attraction, even if it is an attraction or arousal. But there are other types of attraction besides Sexual Attraction. There's Romantic Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship with someone. There's Sensual Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like kissing or cuddling. There's Aesthetic Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty. There's Platonic Attraction, which we define as leading to the desire to have a deep friendship with someone. And more. Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Welcome, I think MichaelTannock has described it the best way anyone could, I couldn't have been that clear. Fetishes and sex are two totally different things, there have been others who've mentioned it on this site, other asexuals who have fetishes, I would certainly say, there's nothing wrong with you, it's just a part of who you are, don't worry about asexuality either, there was a program on the radio which I took part in, but sexuality can change over the years, you may meet someone who changes your way, as you're young, life changes, situations change, you never know what the future holds, although I said in the past, I knew from an early age, not everyone is the same. Good luck Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aquaal Posted January 29, 2019 Share Posted January 29, 2019 Quote Am I actually asexual if I have a fetish and find girls attractive? I don't want to say what the fetish is, but all I can say is that it isn't really sexual, just related to the body. Is it a foot or thigh fetish? Either way, having a fetish doesn't really invalidate you from being an asexual. As an example, I could have a fetish for blonde hair. This does not mean that I find girls or guys attractive. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ineedhelp:( Posted January 30, 2019 Author Share Posted January 30, 2019 @aquaal @oldgeeza @MichaelTannock Thanks for all your help, guys. I feel much more comfortable with myself now, and understand what being asexual really means. A quick question for you guys: do you struggle daily by being asexual? I just want to know what other people feel. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 2 hours ago, ineedhelp:( said: A quick question for you guys: do you struggle daily by being asexual? I just want to know what other people feel. I struggle with feelings of isolation and loneliness because I don't know any other Asexuals in real life, and I'm not out to my family. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oldgeeza Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 I'm in my mid 50's now, I struggled in the past because I didn't know that there were others who felt the same way, I didn't even know of the term asexual until relatively recently, you'll find more people that have never heard of the term asexual, some will think that you have both male and female genitals or you're a closet gay, but as I've got older, no, I don't struggle with it, those who mean a lot to me accept me for who I am not my sexuality 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
firewallflower Posted January 30, 2019 Share Posted January 30, 2019 (edited) 7 hours ago, ineedhelp:( said: A quick question for you guys: do you struggle daily by being asexual? I just want to know what other people feel. For me, no, not on a daily basis. I do have my moments of feeling lonely, afraid, or otherwise down for reasons related to my asexuality, certainly (and I also have my moments when I feel immensely fortunate to be asexual 😉) but for the most part, it's just a background part of me that doesn't impact most of my day-to-day life. 🙂 Edited January 30, 2019 by firewallflower 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ender_1909 Posted April 16 Share Posted April 16 I have the same thing, just a fetish. I want to be able to have children, but how can I do that if I cant get turned on by normal sex? I mean ive never tried it, but vanilla porn has not turned me on and its stressing me out, im also a teen.. i want to be able to have a relationship.. please help Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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