NickyTannock Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 @Dreamsexual If you want, I can post a soft nudge for people to stay on the original topic? It doesn't do anything, but it's green and bald. Incidentally, I've never experienced Romantic Attraction either in real life or in a dream, so this discussion is like exploring a mystery for me. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GoneForGood Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 4 minutes ago, Tunes said: Should we be trying to drop it...? :x Yes, please Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 @Dreamsexual No need to apologise, I've been in the same situation before, due to my own Asperger's. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tunes Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 7 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: Just seems like the person who brought it up is adamant about making a point by beating a dead horse. It does seem that way, sort of. But being another person who thinks (and thus communicates) on a slightly different wavelength than most and who, as a result, has had to train myself to try to learn how to notice subtle things like that within social interactions (and still often fails), I’m kind of giving them the benefit of the doubt when they say they are actually just conversing. I’ve been there myself many times. Social nuances are hard. 11 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: I don't see it that way at all. Bloc is, I believe, referring to what I referenced in my post before: that you have to have a predisposition for attraction. You have to already have it in you in order to trigger it out by “trying”. If you don’t, then it’s like telling someone that they can’t know that they are gay unless they have tried every possible way to trigger attraction to the other gender. While the malicious intent is not there in this case, and this argument CAN be valid under certain very limited context, this seems to be really pushing the line for how far the argument can be applied and thus the argument that you are making is treading dangerously similar grounds. Does that make sense? 18 minutes ago, Dreamsexual said: Im actually trying to leave ... But people keep posting about it .... You can always leave and check back later, you know! XD I know that’s easier said than done - I was supposed to be asleep more than an hour ago. But that IS an option. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 43 minutes ago, Ceebs. said: Oh, I don't really care tbh. Just seems like the person who brought it up is adamant about making a point by beating a dead horse. Would they be okay if it was really a robot horse and we couldn't tell the difference? 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ceebs Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 On 1/10/2019 at 2:40 PM, Telecaster68 said: Would they be okay if it was really a robot horse and we couldn't tell the difference? Sure, why not. I might feel something romantic for this hypothetical robot horse and discover a fetish I never knew I had. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 29 minutes ago, Tunes said: Bloc is, I believe, referring to what I referenced in my post before: that you have to have a predisposition for attraction. You have to already have it in you in order to trigger it out by “trying”. If you don’t, then it’s like telling someone that they can’t know that they are gay unless they have tried every possible way to trigger attraction to the other gender. While the malicious intent is not there in this case, and this argument CAN be valid under certain very limited context, this seems to be really pushing the line for how far the argument can be applied and thus the argument that you are making is treading dangerously similar grounds. Does that make sense? This was the point I wanted to make. It did not want to say that Dreamsexual is homophobic. But caution that is line of argumentation can be seen as invalidating by people, especially if one continues after they said that they don't have this attraction. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamsexual Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 . 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 On 1/9/2019 at 11:35 AM, Apollo11 said: Was any of you sex-averse or sex-repulsed when you identified as ace? And how did that change? I am sex-averse (in that I am squicked by the thought of me having sex; I am fine with other people having it, actually, being autochorissexual, it turns me on). When I think that I could "turn allo", it makes me very distressed, as the concept of a future me wanting and having sex squicks me out as much as the thought of current me doing it. Wow. I'm not an "ace turned allo", so in principle the question is not for me, but I have almost identical feelings. I am too autochorissexual and sex-averse at the same time and for me too the very idea of becoming psychologically capable of having sex feels distressing. Well, I can recognise the mechanism which works here, recognise that it has the characteristics of a vicious circle: I'm so sex-averse that even the entirely hypothetical sex which I could possibly have if I wasn't sex-averse feels violating to me. But does it really matter? My choice is simply to accept my sex aversion anyway. I recognise the mechanism and still refuse to follow the culturally approved route of trying to "cure" myself of my sex aversion. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted January 10, 2019 Share Posted January 10, 2019 On 1/9/2019 at 4:20 PM, Telecaster68 said: Get you. I'm fairly sure some people identifying as ace are also affected by sex-shaming, or not being neurotypical, or trauma. They seem to be frequently mentioned by AVEN posters, and in the same breath saying 'but it has no bearing on my not wanting to have sex/being sex repulsed/not wanting intimacy of any sort'. It could be true, and obviously plenty of people were brought up to be ashamed of their sexuality, or are on the spectrum, or suffered sexual trauma, and are very keen on sex. By the same token, those things do have an affect on the way they relate to others, by definition, and it seems plausible that could include sexuality. Humans are very bad at explaining and understanding their true motivations, in general, and get things wrong about their behaviour all the time. I don't know what other people mean when they talk about it, but I know what I mean. I know with almost full certainty what has caused my own effective asexuality: my chronic illness, which made me nudity-averse and in turn sex-averse. I don't mean that "it has no bearing" - it certainly does - but that it doesn't matter, because my choice is to embrace and prefer it anyway. I don't think that I have ever said something like "it has no bearing" because I absolutely support the idea that a sexual orientation doesn't necessarily have to be inborn in order to be valid. All I mean is that effectively asexual people have a right to identify as asexual if they want to. They satisfy the definition of asexuality anyway, particularly if asexuality is defined as "not wanting to have sex". We always have a choice about what we want to do with out feelings. You mentioned sex-shaming... and I believe that celibacy-shaming and aversion-shaming exist as well. And I simply question the privileged position of sexuality, I believe that a life without sex is not "lesser", that anyone has a right to decide that they don't want sex to be a part of their life. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Apollo11 Posted January 11, 2019 Share Posted January 11, 2019 3 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said: Wow. I'm not an "ace turned allo", so in principle the question is not for me, but I have almost identical feelings. I am too autochorissexual and sex-averse at the same time and for me too the very idea of becoming psychologically capable of having sex feels distressing. Thank you so much for sharing! I can totally relate to everything you wrote. I also do not want to be "cured" of my sex-aversion, I see no reason why; I am perfectly happy with my autochorissexual fantasies, they feel natural to me (while partnered sex does not). I do not need anything else. I've been thinking that, if life plays this trick on me and I "turn allo", then I can choose to be celibate anyway. Maybe it's a silly thought, but it makes sense to me. Also, in reply to @Telecaster68's comment on what causes asexuality, I do not know why I am ace and sex-averse. Maybe being neurodivergent plays a part, but how can I know? I have ADHD and some subclinical Aspie traits (not enough for a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, but more than enough to impact the way I experience life). However, there are so many sexual people on the spectrum and it's been proven that the idea that people with ASD are asexual by default is just a myth. So I just don't know... 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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