404_DeletedAccount Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 So, from what I know, demiromantic is when you can't fall in love with someone at first sight, you can fall in love when you get to know each other. Is that correct, or am I missing anything? I think there's always different types of people — like how some asexuals/demisexuals will be okay with talking about sex or sexual jokes and others will be grossed out by it — and I wonder if, perhaps, I'm just different or totally not a demiromantic. When I thought I was straight, I dated this one guy when barely knowing him. I didn't wanna date him that much, I was questioning if he really was even a crush, but I was naive and couldn't say no so I said yes, scared to see him the next day. Do you need to know a person for months or years to be a demiromantic, or how far in does it make sense to be a demiromantic? I, personally, don't believe in love at first sight and need to at least know a person for a week, maybe a month, before dating them. I believe I've learned from my past and am realizing who I am now, but I need some answers before I can decide completely. Please and thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
EngineeRaven Posted August 21, 2018 Share Posted August 21, 2018 Well, I can only talk about my own experience, but here it goes. I consider myself demiromantic, though lately I'm leaning towards the more aro area of the spectrum, and I'm pretty confused about the definition of "romantic attraction". But if we count what I usually call romantic attraction, the time to form it varies. I think it's not really about a time, it's about the attachment. I've dated a guy because "why not, maybe it could work out, they're nice", and it went on for like... months (though we rarely met in person, because I'm always busy), and nothing happened, because he just wasn't the kind of person I could form an emotional attachment to. It already took a long time to get from "I wouldn't care if I never saw you again" to "I'd be a bit bothered if something happened to you", and it wasn't really getting any further. On the other hand, the guy I dated after him was a whole different situation. The actual meeting-dating part lasted only one and half a month, but I jumped into it only after I felt that attachment. And there I think I could feel what I call romantic attraction (again, it may be a whole lot different than what people normally call that). So long story short, I think being demi is not about taking ages or days to form attraction, it is about being unable to do so without some form of emotional bond/attachment. You can still be demi whether it takes weeks, months or years. I think the question you're looking for is whether you've ever felt this sort of attraction for someone you weren't attached to emotionally beforehand. Other folks' experience might be different, but I hope I was able to help. Link to post Share on other sites
404_DeletedAccount Posted August 21, 2018 Author Share Posted August 21, 2018 @MaeveTheRaven - Thank you! Well, the definition says you can't feel a primary romantic attraction (love at first sight) but a secondary romantic attraction (having a history/knowing each other). It also says it's a type of grey-romantic who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand. I don't think I had emotional connection (or much at all) when I dated the first time. The second dude I dated, well technically he sexually assaulted me and I thought since he made me laugh, I'd be happy, but I cried when he broke up with me but I'm not naive anymore. I ended up dating the first dude again and I actually felt an emotional connection (well, I don't know if he really did love me, it sorta seemed like he did, but he totally was up to something that looked like cheating). Then I dated my first girlfriend, I kinda went in to dating 'cause I wanted a girlfriend, I also didn't want her upset, and I loved her to some degree so... Link to post Share on other sites
Louise928 Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 On 8/21/2018 at 9:09 AM, JillLove14 said: Do you need to know a person for months or years to be a demiromantic, or how far in does it make sense to be a demiromantic? I consider myself demiromantic (with some tendencies to aromantic maybe). I've felt romantic attraction to someone once (= I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with them) but that attraction didn't happen until I knew them for like one and a half/two years. To me being demiromantic means you need a strong emotional bond to be able to experience romantic attraction at all. Whether that is after two years or after two months depends, I guess. Other than that I don't want (and can't even imagine) a romantic relationship with anyone as long as I don't feel close to them. Link to post Share on other sites
404_DeletedAccount Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 @Louise928 - Thank you for answering! I'd say I can't imagine dating someone I'm not close with, but I sorta did, and it wasn't the greatest. I totally can't date people at first sight, or when I just met someone, I have no idea how people do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Louise928 Posted August 22, 2018 Share Posted August 22, 2018 @JillLove14 Yep, this is me as well. I'm not sure this has to do with being demiromantic, though. I do think you can be aromantic/demiromantic etc. and date someone for the purpose of getting to know them. I can only speak for myself here and dating isn't something I like to do. Sooner or later they'd expect me to know whether I'm interested (romantically and/or sexually) and I just can't tell after a short period of time since there's no emotional bond (unless I know I've met my soulmate or something). Link to post Share on other sites
404_DeletedAccount Posted August 22, 2018 Author Share Posted August 22, 2018 @Louise928 - The definition of demiromantic is needing an emotional bond; you don't feel primary romantic attraction (love at first sight), however you do feel secondary romantic attraction (knowing the person, the emotional bond, having a history). Aromantic is no romantic attraction at all. There's lots of sexualities, romantic orientations, and sexual orientations. I can try to help you out if you'd like, I just may need more detail or questions. If you asked the question on here, I can check it out or comment on it, unless you've got replies to it and are just thinking it over. Link to post Share on other sites
FlowerSpirituality Posted September 16, 2018 Share Posted September 16, 2018 Before I discovered that I am Asexual/Demiromanic. I tried having boyfriends and do the "normal" stuff like the "Sexuals" did. Not fun for me. I can relate to what you wrote about these relationships, Jill Love! It is not the most enjoyable experience to be in a romantic relationship without the emotional bond! And I have dated some because they were "nice", Maeve The Raven before I discovered that I was Asexual/ Demiromantic. Not anymore! Lousie, I don't like dating either!! I enjoy men as friends. I would rather do things the DemiRomantic way because that is the way I can enjoy bonding and the possibility for me to enjoy sex. It takes months!!! I have developed romantic attraction for some guys after sharing a friendship bond with them. I usually discover that whenever they touch me and I felt something tingly in my body. And I want to kiss them. If I feel anything at first site, it is called Aesthetic Attraction. I don't have desires to go beyond enjoying their beauty and just have a platonic crush on them. I need to feel that secondary attraction first in ought for me to appreciate the primary attraction that Romantics feel. I think I am going to stop calling myself as Asexual to describe my orientation and just call myself DemiRomantic. That describes me more. Thank you all for sharing your views. I feel more affirmed in my DemiRomantic after reading these posts. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
404_DeletedAccount Posted September 16, 2018 Author Share Posted September 16, 2018 @FlowerSpirituality - Have you ever considered demisexual? For me, I'm sexual (or allosexual, same thing) and don't need an emotional bond to have sex, I'm only on the romantic part of this (demiromantic). There's lots of sexual orientations out there just like there is with sexualities, romantic orientations, and genders. Link to post Share on other sites
FlowerSpirituality Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 Now that I have a more fuller understanding of sex in my experiences, I came to realized that I actually don't get much from having sex until many months later. I still don't experience sexual attraction, but it takes many months to get my body to respond and have an orgasm. Otherwise, I am just going through the motions. I wonder should I have sex even though it takes months for me to really enjoy it physically. I think I am a CupioSexual. What is the difference between CupioSexual and DemiSexual? I am a QuoiRomantic, which could be part of the reason why I don't really enjoy sex with most partners. This is part of the reason why I remain single for 4 years as of March 11, 2019. I am trying to resolve this issue, so I can tell which guy I should date and which guys to keep platonic. I enjoy men as platonic friends. I am waiting for one to stand out beyond the platonic if I can remember and recognize what that is. Link to post Share on other sites
404_DeletedAccount Posted February 24, 2019 Author Share Posted February 24, 2019 @FlowerSpirituality- Cupiosexual is when you don't seem to experience sexual attraction, but still desire a sexual relationship. Demisexual is when you need emotional connection to be sexually attracted. So, you don't seem to experience sexual attraction, but you still have a libido? I realized I'm Quoiromantic recently, which I find odd to say and also say I am Demiromantic/Greyromantic, but I say those still because they seem to fit right either way. Link to post Share on other sites
KeyLimeSatellite Posted August 3, 2019 Share Posted August 3, 2019 On 8/22/2018 at 10:35 AM, Louise928 said: @JillLove14 Yep, this is me as well. I'm not sure this has to do with being demiromantic, though. I do think you can be aromantic/demiromantic etc. and date someone for the purpose of getting to know them. I can only speak for myself here and dating isn't something I like to do. Sooner or later they'd expect me to know whether I'm interested (romantically and/or sexually) and I just can't tell after a short period of time since there's no emotional bond (unless I know I've met my soulmate or something). I'm going through this right now. I'm a lesbian and I started dating a girl a few months ago, but I don't feel that deep emotional connection yet. I didn't think beforehand that I was Demiromantic, but all previous times I've felt romantic attraction, it's been for someone I've got an emotional bond with. I've just never really gotten to date those people before, so I've never known. I think I'm in the "sooner or later" part and I can only hope she understands. Link to post Share on other sites
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