How old were you when you first found out you were ace/aro?

[WildDogWryn]

Hey! This is my first post, I came out as aro last Friday and realized I was ace a few days later. I've noticed there's a stigma around asexuality when it comes to age. Many people find our they're gay at a young age and it's accepted, but when people find out they're ace/aro at a young age they're told they're just a "late bloomer." Sometimes by the asexual/LGBTQ+ community themselves.

Anyways, my question is: when did you first find out you were ace/aro? Did you identify as something beforehand and realize you were something else?

[An_Ace_Of_Hearts]

I understand what you mean about the whole "late bloomer" thing. It's just hard for some to accept the fact that we are who we are.

 

I actually found out a few months ago. I'm fifteen ^^;; I had just started wondering why I had always felt the way I did about sex, and made the decision to look into the LGBTQ+ spectrum to see if I identified with anything. I found out about asexuality, and found this site just last week, I believe. As for my romantic orientation, I'm hetero.

[Mezzo Forte]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

Honestly, the age stigma lasts far longer than it should. People still treat me like I'm going to turn sexual any day now even though I'm almost 25 and I've experienced two different puberties. I've heard people on here say they've gotten that "late bloomer" sentimentality at older ages than that too! Definitely hard not to internalize that "late bloomer" expectation because of that though.

 

Actually, the way I discovered asexuality was by googling the average age that people start experiencing sexual attraction. I remember the average being like 10 years old or so. I actually found AVEN in that google search and have identified as asexual ever since. I figured out I was aromantic not long afterwards, though that took a bit more introspection to figure out.

 

[Roidgy]

i came to the conclusion when i was about 5. i didnt know there was even a term for it or anything, i just thought "yeah im probably never gonna want sex or anything like that." I was pretty well-versed in anatomy and reproduction and the basics of sexual desires in humans at that time, and everything was kind of confusing because of the whole "i feel like im supposed to like girls (because i was a trans dude) but i feel nothing towards them."

 

Even if i had just made a lucky guess, it turned out right, so??

 

Aromanticism i didnt find out about until i was about 14 or 15, when i got my first boyfriend. through his behavior i felt like i was lacking certain sentimentalities so i asked him what he felt like when he was around me or when he found out he was in love with me and... yeah its a bit tougher to figure out

Edited May 23, 2018 by Roidgy

[Spring.Gan]

🍰

I found that I was aro ace about ago out a month ago. I'm sixteen. 
Funnily enough, before I knew there was a term for people like us, I had already told some of my classmates (they insisted on finding me a boyfriend) that I don’t like boys and I don’t like girls. So I guess I knew all along that I was aro ace? 
Anyway, there’s definitely some people in my life who think I’m just going through a phase, but I don’t care that much about what they think anymore.

[FerlynnGoldbeard]

I realized that I was asexual when I was 17 (I'm 21 now), but that's only because I had never heard of it before then. Prior to that, from the age of 13, I told people that I wanted what I called and "Athenian relationship," which I defined as a relationship of the minds since Athena was the goddess of wisdom in greek mythos. So I've known that I was asexual since I was 13, but didn't have proper terminology until I was 17. 

 

I don't understand people who say that I'm "too young and inexperienced" to know," or I'm "just a closeted homosexual." If I'm too young to call myself asexual or homosexual, then by their logic I'm also too young to call myself heterosexual. 

[4108bn]

I've identified with asexuality with that specific terminology as young as 15, but I repressed it (due to lack of understanding, backlash, self doubt , etc.) until very recently, and I'm now 20 and I've been reawakening myself to the fact that I'm on the ace spectrum for about a month now.

[Curi]

Twenty six years old. I've always been ace but i was never able to define it before then. Probably due to the lack of asexual information and visibility when I was growing up. This made it difficult to explain myself to friends, family members, and past boyfriends/girlfriends. So i just put my head down and did what was expected of me because I thought it waa the normal thing to do. 

 

The day I found out about the ace/aro spectrum changed my life. Of course i ran into criticism from the few I've told. But things got way better after showing them information on asexuality and aromanticism. 

 

 

 

 

[dancingeologist]

I started identifying as aro/ace at 35. Up until that point I simply was "not interested in a relationship". The term aro/ace didn't really exist when I was a teenager. If it had I probably would have identified as aro/ace by the time I was 12 when my friends starting having crushes/dating. However, at the time the only orientations I knew about were straight, gay and bisexual. Since I knew from early on that I was not straight or bisexual (I find the idea of sex with the opposite gender repulsive). I identified as gay for a while but when I tried dating came to the conclusion that I simply wasn't interested in anyone. It wasn't until I was older when my family started voicing their expectations that I should find someone to marry and have kids with, that I felt the need to find a label to explain why I had no interest in getting married. My family still has a hard time accepting that I am aro/ace. While they have accepted that I am not straight they still seem to be holding out hope that I am gay. To them success in life is based on getting married and having kids so my lack of interest is not well received.  While I wish my family would come to accept me for who I am, I love my life and think it is great being aro/ace.

[lazypanda]

About 22 i guess.

[DoYouUnderstand]

Probably about 30. I always thought I was gay.

[ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø]

2 hours ago, SecretCows said:

I told people that I wanted what I called and "Athenian relationship," which I defined as a relationship of the minds since Athena was the goddess of wisdom in greek mythos.

Love it! I love to be engaged mentally! This idea intrigues me.

[ôÿē èîęēú ïė ēôēįîûôø]

I was 17, I believe, when I first heard of asexuality and that I was asexual. I became obsessed with the concept and not long after, I discovered aromanticism, then realized I was aromantic. Ever since, it's been an honor for me to identify with these terms.

[hey_it's_me]

Well I haven't came out yet. But I have always known I just haven't had the words to describe how I feel.

Well story time....

When I was in primary school kids would play truth or dare and when they asked me "who I liked" I would just say no one and they would would be like "who do you really like" and I would be no one. 

When I was in year 9 (when I was around 14/15 and I am currently 16) one of my friends asked me if I was Asexual (because we were talking about sexuality at recess) and I didn't know what it meant but she explained what it meant and from that (google searches) I found out about Aromantic and this community. 

[hey_it's_me]

4 hours ago, dancingeologist said:

family started voicing their expectations

This is so true my younger cousin always ask me if I have a boyfriend, she is 11. 

[Feyre]

I've identified with the term since pretty much this year, so I am 24 years old. I heard it for the first time last year but didn't know exactly what it meant then. Before that, as many people, I thought I was "broken", maybe by my past experiences, but since as long as I can remember, I've never actually felt sexual (you know, the sexual attraction).

I think subconsciously I've known I am an Ace since I was 20-21 or so, since my last relationship ended.

[Kitteη χ]

I first identified as ace/aro nearly a year ago, when I was 17. Before that, I identified as straight, even though I knew that I had zero interest in any sort of sexual or romantic relationships.

[Rosendust]

I was 21 when I first heard the term. It was like a lightbulb went off, and that's when I realized. And then everything else fell into place.

Regards, 

Rosendust

(Aka Nova)

 

 

Edited May 23, 2018 by Rosendust

[Shay21]

I'm pretty sure I was around 19 when I figured it out, so it's been a few years. Late last year was when I figured out I was biromantic, so I was 21 (which I still am for another week xD).

[XIII]

I've known pretty much my whole life, but only found out there was a term for it last summer (I'm 21 now). After I heard the term and looked it up, everything just kind of fell in place from there. Now I realize I'm an aromantic ace

[NickyTannock]

I realised that I'm asexual at about 14, I'm now 33, and still asexual.
Before that, I assumed I was heterosexual.

[Laplace]

I learned about asexuality and aromanticism about 2 years ago when I was 22; but, I’ve been kinda disinterested in romance and sex for as long as I can remember.

[marcothepumpkin]

i stared identifying my self as asexual about three or four days ago, i'm 13 and i have not come out.

[Correner]

Started identifying as asexual at 20 and am unsure but think I may be aromatic. Before 20 I considered myself heterosexual but knew that I was uninterested in ever being more than friends with anyone.

[secrethamster]

I've always known I was missing out on something "everyone" else was experiencing. I don't know exactly when I learned about the terminology, but I believe it was when I was around 14. However, I held on to the possibility that I was a late bloomer or whatever even though I felt the chances were slim. I am just now opening up to the idea of labeling myself as asexual to my family and friends (they've always hoped I would change, but I don't think so anymore), but haven't done so yet. I'm currently 19.

[utca]

21-22. It was sometime in my last year of college that I accepted it, thought I was questioning for a bit before that.

[Claire1983]

I didn't know ace existed until I was 33.  I'm 34 now and I just started tentatively identifying as ace.  Prior to that I thought I was straight.  I wasn't sexually attracted to women, though I think now I may be bi-romantic, so I figured I had to be straight.  Didn't realize there was another option.

[In_Omnia_Paratus]

I started struggling with it around 14. I  found the word the summer of my 15th year. Been on AVEN ever since

[CaptainMarvel]

I started identifying as ace either in 6th grade or 7th grade (my memory sucks), so I was probably 12? Romantic attraction I haven’t really figured it out yet. 

[Ace Teen]

I figured out that was Asexual when I was a sophomore in high school. Still very confused about my romantic orientation, but right now I go with Demi-Heteromantic. P.s. I have a emotion disorder, that is why I am having a hard time with my romantic orientation.

 

I came out to my friends and my family. My friends are confused about what Asexuality, so when I say someone is cute (not sexually) they then say I must not be Asexual. And my parents think Asexuality is a phase,