Confused about my orientation

[oceanfire]

Hello all, hope you are doing well. I've been struggling a lot, recently, about my sexual orientation, and have no one who really understands (in my immediate surroundings).

I'm almost 28, and female, and had never been sexually attracted to anyone, and therefore identified as asexual. A few days ago, I met a bisexual woman who I am very attracted to, and 

then I started to understand why people desire sexual relationships. The woman flirted with me but in actuality is interested in someone else.

Now I am very distraught, hurt, and confused. I don't know if I am a lesbian as I have only been attracted to her. I also feel angry at her (in an irrational sort of way) for not liking me back

when I feel attraction for the first time in my life. Friends of mine who don't know I am asexual say just go out on dates, meet more people etc, but I feel it's not like that for me. 

Any feedback?

Have some cake.

[binary suns]

until you are attracted to other people besides her, you unfortunately don't have enough information to accurately update your orientation. my suspician is that you may be greysexual in some way, in that you've never felt attraction before. but, if all of a sudden you're attracted to many people, then it'd be a change in orientation, that before you were ace, and now are sexual. and if this is the only time you feel attraction, then it's difficult to really claim you aren't ace, as it's a one-time experience that isn't repeated - it'd be silly to think that one-time experience of sexual attraction means anything if even around the same person and similar situations you don't feel it again.

 

I don't like suggesting it 'cause it seems insensitive, but you could consider consulting your doctor, or a psych, to ask about something that might be suppressing your attraction, if you were that adamant on figuring this out. but be careful, 'cause if you are asexual as you've been assuming, or greysexual in some way,  their suggestions might not be effective. the purpose of consulting them that I see, is in opening up ideas of explaining whats going on, to take their advice with a grain of salt, if they prescribe something or want you to try something, to do so with caution, not dive into it looking for results, but testing it to see if it makes a difference, assuming you feel comfortable with their suggestion of action, and stopping if it doesn't change anything within a reasonable amount of time.

 

 

sexual attraction is certainly very confusing. I understand and empathize with your feeling hurt by the lack of reciprocation  Unfortunately, I don't know anything to suggest to help with that

[Lichley]

Sounds like grey sexual to me. You experience the attraction, but only under certain circumstances- with her. Don't worry about labels too much, just be yourself. 

[daisylove]

Time is probably they only way you will know for sure. I realize in looking back that I experienced ATTRACTION to people but the sex part I have always felt was expected, so I always forced that aspect of it because I thought I was a freak somehow or that my attraction wasnt legit unless it was there.

 

Be patient with yourself, be happy and enjoy life.

[Jewel Bright]

I never heard of asexuality until I had been married for 14 years. I took the words that others were using and matched them to the experiences that I was having-- so I figured what I was experiencing was sexual attraction. Really it was just attraction... I could leave the sex out, thank you very much. 

I feel strong attraction to my husband especially and to friends, but the sexual part is different for me than it is for "most people."

 

Still trying to name all the differences and reclaim my body and my feelings, but that process is slow.

Be patient, but I'm totally okay with you being pissed off at this person!