Seeing sex-related content and how to deal with it?

[KArtsee]

Hey, fellas. I joined to ask this question because I'm really stuck and need help (also sorry if this is in the wrong area!). I'm asexual, and I struggle with seeing even slight sexual content. It gives me a pit in my stomach, makes me anxious and sad, and angry all at the same time.

 

I don't know if this is normal for a sex-repulsed asexual? And if it's not are there ways I can deal with this?

 

It's just so hard to see and then be expected to talk about as if it's normal. I don't know why I feel this way about it. I know I already hate sex and all the things that are similar in nature, but I should be able to at least see it without evoking such a negative reaction, right? I don't know, I suppose that's why I'm asking haha! 

[TheAP]

I don't know if I'm sex-repulsed so I'm not sure how one would deal with it. But you may be able to find people whom you relate to in this thread: 

 

[Amathy]

I'm also sex repulsed and used to also feel physically sick after seeing or hearing anything sexual.  @KArtsee your reaction doesn't seem odd to me at all.

 

So when people see violent images repeatedly, eventually they are normalized to those images.  It doesn't mean that they are more violent or prone to violence, simply that the sight of those images doesn't evoke the same negative visceral reaction.  The same can be done with sexual images as, at least for me, they triggered the same negative feelings as violent images.  If you choose to do this, I highly recommend Games of Thrones as the plot is actually interesting.  I'm still not comfortable with seeing sexual images and really wish sex wasn't such a popular marketing strategy.  However, now I just turn away instead of feeling very sick and anxious.  

 

You don't have to get over your negative reaction to sexual images if you don't want to.  Personally, I think it's ridiculous that people are expected to be able to react to violent and sexual images without feeling gross.  But I also understand how difficult it is to manage in society given the popularity of sexual images and discussions.  Just do what is right for you.

[KArtsee]

@TheAP thanks I'll definitely check out that link!!

 

@Amathy thanks so much for your response & advice. I was really scared that I was just being a jerk / close-minded. I understand the desensitize idea you're going for. Hopefully some day I'll be able to just turn away. But yea I agree. I wish it wasn't just blatantly everywhere. It hurts to see it. 

[LeDeer]

The only thing that disgusts me is real people having any sexual activity where genitals are clearly visible, both if it's a photo or a video (the sex of people involved in these things is irrelevent).

I'm fine with everything else, like drawings, animations, stories/fanfictions and anime with porn scenes. They can be humans, furries or anything else but I don't find them disgusting because I know they aren't real (unless they are hyper-realistic stuff, I guess).

[NerdyByNature]

^^^ this!

Sex scenes in regular movies make me uncomfortable. Porn doesn't make me uncomfortable as long as I'm by myself. I'm with LeDeer though, the more unrealistic, the better! 

[Digs_Dead_People]

7 hours ago, Amathy said:

 

So when people see violent images repeatedly, eventually they are normalized to those images.  It doesn't mean that they are more violent or prone to violence, simply that the sight of those images doesn't evoke the same negative visceral reaction.  The same can be done with sexual images as, at least for me, they triggered the same negative feelings as violent images.  If you choose to do this, I highly recommend Games of Thrones as the plot is actually interesting.  I'm still not comfortable with seeing sexual images and really wish sex wasn't such a popular marketing strategy.  However, now I just turn away instead of feeling very sick and anxious.  

 

This backfired for me.  I feel even more sick in regards to sex scenes in movies/books/television shows.  "Game of Thrones" also doesn't just have sex; it has incest, high levels of rape, etc.  The thought of even watching that series sickens me to my stomach and I avoid it.  I tried reducing my sex-repulsion with more "tame" series such as "Shameless" and even trying to read the harder books of a genre I loved as a teen, but it hasn't helped.

 

I don't readily support watching things that make us sick; there's often a reason that that reaction is caused and if the reaction doesn't negatively impact a person's life then why subject yourself to something that could cause trauma?  My best advice for dealing with it is limiting the amount of time you watch it or interact with it, if it's at all possible to limit the time.  I just avoid shows/movies that I know have high levels of graphic sex, excluding "American Gods" (but the sex in the book is minimal and the sex that was there served a purpose and seems to be serving a purpose in the show).

__

 

I'm highly sex-repulsed when it comes to heterosexual sex and couples, but homosexual (primarily gay, but sometimes lesbian) sex is something I can stand, at least in small doses.  I'm also with the people stating that the more unrealistic the better.  I'm much better regarding furries and the yaoi stories I write with others.  Porn makes me uncomfortable or something marketed for porn, but if it's just in glance or with highly fictional beings that have limited hominid features, I'm generally okay with it.

[Amathy]

@Mink_Seragaki  That's why I said to do whats best for you and that I think its ridiculous that people expect everyone to be okay with violent and sexual stuff. I only resorted to desensitizing myself when I lived in college dorms.  There was no way for me to get away from sexual discussions and images so I was getting sick all the time.  I had to learn how to control my reaction because my negative reaction was noticed and I was getting harassed for it (people mocking me for my reaction, people purposefully showing me sexual stuff, saying I needed to have sex, etc).  As Games of Thrones was so popular in the dorms, it made sense to learn how to control my reaction watching that show.  I found I actually liked the plot of Game of Thrones which I felt made it easier to deal with the sex stuff, versus a romantic movie where I typically feel disgusted by both the plot and characters even before the kissing occurs. Luckily for me, the desensitization worked.  While I still feel uncomfortable around sexual images and  discussions, I don't get sick anymore and I don't have a reaction other people notice. 

[Raven Luni]

Greetings,

 

I'm not sure about anxious and sad but definitely utterly sickened, and sometimes times really annoyed at not being able to get away from the subject.  At the same time I find it easy to joke about it in certain contexts like with furries - probably because thats completely removed from reality. 

Today Someone in a facebook group I'm on shared a 'funny' news story about a sex act gone wrong.  I wont even describe it because it made me feel sick and would no doubt have the same effect for others here.  They were all laughing and making related jokes which made it even worse.  This was one of those times where I really wanted to shout at people but they didnt do anything wrong.  What we would get by complaining every time something like that came up is aggressive content filtering and strict 'offensive behaviour' rules.  We really really do not want that.

I guess thats what advocacy is about - figuring out how to get people to give us space while not encroaching on their freedoms.